Waking Up

A short piece about the morning after a break up.

After a night of many tears, long drawn out conversation, and a mind that had been pushed to it’s breaking point, I woke up not wanting to leave my bed. I looked at my alarm clock and the time read 7:30, but time was of no concern to me. Time was non-existent with how I was feeling. I tried to get up, but after 2 minutes of getting out of bed, I went right back in bed because that felt much more productive than walking around feeling like slouch. I fell asleep and abruptly woke up with the clock reading 9:30. Now, I felt as if maybe I could actually function and contribute something to the world. Usually my routine involves me getting up and immediately turning on my phone. It’s hard to turn on your phone though when you know you're just going to turn it out to read conversations from the night before to re-open wounds that are trying to heal. So of course, you make some toast and spread some jelly on it to try and not think about that device that encompasses all of your negative thoughts and emotions that sucks the life out of you.

You put your feet up, watch some Frasier and television, and try to forget that you even have the day ahead of you. I mean, what is the point of even getting up that this point? I’ve got my food, I’ve got frasier, and I’m not feeling anything. No pain that I want to acknowledge, no happiness, but it could be worse! Sadly, my email says different. My email says I have stuff to do and places to be. My email has to control my life. The thing my email doesn’t understand though is that I have things that are bigger than meetings and responding. Sometimes it just needs to stop and ask me how am I doing? Are you really up for this? When you get to the point where everyone around you wants something from you but don’t actually ask how you are, that’s when email starts to become your friend. So, on a day of unbearable emotions, the email was right.

I take my shower, I have my lunch, and I go to school and do the classic monkey act that I always do. Say hi, smile and nod as people pass, sit in class, but not feeling a single bit of it. All I feel is a little bit exhausted from having to put on an act. Yet in my head I have “too much” by Drake stuck in my head. “Don’t think about it too much too much too much too muuuuch”. That’s the anthem of the day. “There no need to rush it through, this isn’t a new lust for you”. I was straight up with her. I was blunt. I was forward. I did everything in my power to know where I was coming from and where I wanted to go with it and when she had the chance to voice her opinion she decided to act like all is good and to want to go forward with it. And guess what, four days later she texted saying it wasn’t going to work. Not even a second date. It wrecks me. I don’t even feel like I was given a fair chance for her to get to know me and what things could have been like. I know things aren’t a guarantee, and things work out for the better, but still makes me wonder what could have been.

“Don’t think about it too much”.

© 2014 studentinthecafe

Author's Note

This is a first draft and I wrote this on the morning after a break up. Let me know if you can relate!

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Reviews

Patricia

I like how you refferred to the song at the end! The paragraphs are well said, I like the focus on the time in dependence to your feelings and situation:)