New Orleans

 Down in New Orleans

 I saw women who

 wore almost nothing

 & oh how they must of

 looked to those who

 had paid attention.

 

 Too drunk to notice  the hang of flesh

 of strangers and too lonely

 to bare the thought of sex

 in place such as this thousands

 a miles away from love.

 

 So we sat in the bar

 and ordered three beers

 and two shots of absythne

 

 as chasers and drank even

 though we already were

 drunk while the house

 bop band played hot 

 into the night and 

 at closing time we got

 up and left leaving

 the sound of it in there

 walked back to the hotel

 erasing the loneliness

 of New Orleans Night 

that only the knowers know.

  

Kerouac and Ginsberg

are dead/Bukowski and 

 Burroughs are dead.

 

  No-one knows what

  it's like to be a ghost

  except for the music

  that we left alone

  in the dark with the woman

  who wore nothing who weren't 

  noticed for a second under

  the neon sky of Bourbon Street.

  

 Even I will go back home

 and be loved to forgot

 the ghosts and the music

 of Sad Eternal New Orlean's

 Night.

 

Kerouac and Ginsberg

 are dead/ Bukowski

 and Burroughs are Dead.

 

Even they the knowers

of all things holy

and unholy don't 

know what it's like

to be a ghost.

 

I was too drunk to care

leave it all behind

with the music because

poetry's dead.

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

This needs more attention to spelling and structure. I shall leave the structure to the architect. "To bare the thought of sex" "bare" should be "bear" unless you intend to make your thought naked as well. Absinthe is incorrect as well. I have never heard of anyone drinking it with beer either. It is usually warmed and poured over a sugar cube and mixed with water to relieve the bitterness. And it was illegal in the United States until recently but is strangely making a comeback out of pure curiosity I think. "The no one knows"... verse has singular/plural confusion. You must either say the "woman" "wasn't" or the "women" "were'nt". The next verse is confusing also. "Even I will go back home and be loved to forget the..." What? Why will you be loved to forget? You probably should end that sentence after "be loved" or "be loved, only to forget" that works as well, minus the confusion. But with some minor editing you might greatly improve this piece and breathe new life into it. Maybe poetry isn't dead after all. Just as a footnote: those who think they are drinking the mysterious drink of Gaugin and Van Gogh; (the green fairy), are not. The chemical thujone and its hallucinatory effects have been removed from the modern distilling process. Peace and good writing.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

A vivid description of New Orleans to be sure. My trips there have always been much more uplifting although I can relate to the sadness of the women seen and unnoticed and the drunken night among the scenes of New Orleans. Thank you for sharing your talent.
Light,
Siddartha

[Nick Erickson]

This has rich characters with vivid descriptions of New Orleans at night.

The flow just isn't right though, as I read it I felt like I was stumbling along, tripping over misplaced endings and beginnings.

When I first wrote a piece on WC I was given some advice, which I now do.
First, write it, put it aside for a few days or so and read it again, tweaking it as needed or maybe just tossign it away.
Second, when your done writing it, record yourself reading it and then listen to it, making sure it sounds as good while reading it as it does writing it.
I know I've written quite a few pieces that I have done that with and have been amazed at how the flow just didn't sound as good as I thought.

Well done.

[Carey Lenehan]

Wonderful, dark, smoky, confused and full of rich images. Love this.