The Preacher

The old man said indignantly 
"your nobody till your dead, kid.
There is no meaning in this life
only in the next life will
you find happiness but first
you must live right and pray
to God for salvation in the 
next life, humble yourself
to the clergy and to the church".
He rambled on for almost an hour.
His face was grey and spectral 
with big white beard protruding
from his mouth which
hung from his old jaw-bone
which moved dutifully
and commanded the words
which leapt forth 
from his tongue and
taught me how to live
righteously.

He spoke of a god
and of angels and 
of salvation by
believing in fairy tales
and going to church
and by depriving one
the flesh of another
until sanctified by a ceremony
and having a family
and by paying taxes
and by being patriotic.

The old man died
speaking of religion 
and of salvation to me
in the bus, we all had
to get off of it
It was the end of line
for all of us.

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

So I presume he found his reward in death or his great folly that he had not lived for fear of condemnation. lol An excellent write. I had no problem with following this one to the end of the line.

[Nick Erickson]

Sorry, but I didn't see the note option, so I'll leave it here.

"He spoke of a god
and of angels and
of salvation by
believing in fairy tales
and going to church
and by depriving one
the flesh of another
until sanctified by a ceremony
and having a family
and by paying taxes
and by being patriotic."

"He spoke of god, angels and salvation through fairy tales.
He spoke of going to church and of depriving yourself of the flesh of another -
Until sanctified by a ceremony.
He spoke of having a family, paying taxes and being patriotic."

Maybe not just like that, but along those lines.

Again, great character potential and story here. I could definately take an idea like this and run with it.

[Nick Erickson]

Again, a great first draft. The characters have very rich potential. The flow again, where you are choosing to end and begin are causing me to stumble.
I'll leave you a note on what I mean.

Well done.