Self

I've never had a
problem with the way
words came out of my head 
so easily and with such little thought
until I started writing poetry going
on 2 years now.

I had a mastery of language 
that went beyond metaphor
and the simile and sentence 
structures before I started to
write my poem and at that
point after the brooding
of the page I had lost it.

I've never put too much
stock in meter-- most of
shakespeare's work 
bored me. 

The rhyme is not

meant for the page
but for music and
for the musicians 
not for the poet
for the poet should
not sing or write 
in verses but express
his or her ego in a language 
entirely there own with a cadence
more honest and true than that
of the long-drawn out speech
of an old man from Texas or
Alabama either way
you'd be misunderstood
or misinterpreted by
publishers and by the critics
who will write off
anyone they haven't 
heard of or anyone
that doesn't have a 
masters degree 
in creative writing 
with a focus on 
poetry from a big
university but I am
poor I have holes
in my clothing
and haven't seen 
a doctor in years 
and barely have enough
money to eat or drink
or smoke. 

But I have
poetry in my mind
and heart but no skills
in it or knowing about it
I once had a mastery 
of language and metaphor
but I lost it somewhere
between the lines 
of some old yellow 
notebook that had since
been thrown away 
out of anger for 
my inability to say
what I'd like to say
and say it the way 
I'd like to say it 
without literary hang-ups
like punctation and without
pretensions that get in
the way of the formless truth
that could becoming out 
of my fingertips with the stroke 
of a key or the graceful
movement of my pen
like Vonnegut
or Hemingway 
or Buks.

but he was
such a b*****d 
who would want 
to be like him 
anyway at any
age but him
and the other's 
language was completely
their own and could tell 
you the truth while 
being drunk and f*****g
and fighting and killing.

I once had an understanding 

of language that went beyond
linguistics and or semantics 
but then I started to write
my poem--I've read
shakespeare but he always
bored me.