Midnight

Short, short story

Midnight.

 

Alone in his doorway, he sits. Huddled in an old blanket and older clothes, their aroma barely masked by the cold.

 

Directly opposite, a damaged neon sign hums fitfully and flickers. He thinks the letters spell out “Salvation”, although he cannot be sure. Like his body, his eyes are not what they once were. Rheumy now with age, and unsure, they peer fitfully out into the night.

 

When the old bell tower creaks into life, and twelve sonorous beats fill the silent streets. The old man huddles further into his tiny space, both fearful and hopeful, even after all these years. And wonders whether, when he is gone, will anyone notice his passing? Especially all those he once knew, now long gone and far away?

 

He doubts it, and the realisation makes him sadder than usual. Unusual for him, for he has long abandoned hope, believing that it is a luxury only for the very young, or the very innocent.     

 

When into his solitude the sounds of footsteps intrude. Light but confident, sure of their destination. He cranes his neck and stares out into the gloomy street, strangely unafraid, for there is no menace in the sound, only a sense of vague promise. A long forgotten yearning.

 

After what seems like an eternity he becomes aware of two people before him. A male and a female, strangely, almost festively garbed, even for this city. For a while they stand and watch him when, as if a secret signal has been passed and received, the man produces several coloured balls and begins to juggle. The old man watches spellbound. Even his oldest memories somehow bound up in their glittering flight, each rise and fall a reminder that he was young once.

 

Behind the man the woman weaves her hands above her head and from her fingertips showers of silvery stars burst forth, soar briefly and drift gently back down. Like softly glowing snow. They settle on the old mans upturned eyes and he is amazed that there is no pain, only warmth. He smiles a gap toothed smile and watches in wonder.

 

And there, at the end of all things, he has the innocent eyes of a child once more.

 

If only for a while.

 

Reviews

[Aly]

breathtakingly amazing

[hatsXIV]

Hi, this is good but could be improved dramatically with a few minor revisions. To convey anything worthwhile is so few words is a highly ambitious undertaking and I applaud your effort.

Here's my thoughts on a few things:

"When the old bell tower creaks into life, and twelve sonorous beats fill the silent streets."
This isn't a sentence. I think you might have included the "and" accidentally. If not you need a second part to the sentence.

Light but confident, sure of their destination.
This is an incomplete sentence; it lacks a subject. You could add it to the previous sentence with a dash "...footsteps intrude--light but confident..."

A long forgotten yearning.
Exactly the same as the previous sentence. Incomplete, could be remedied with a dash.

"After what seems like an eternity"
needs to be a comma after this clause.

The woman weaves her hands.
I think you meant "waves."

Like softly glowing snow.
Again not a sentence. I understand the value of effective fragments, but I think you have too many considering the length of the story, plus I don't think they're effective. I think making them into full sentences or attaching with dashes or conjunctions and commas would be better.

And there, at the end of all things, he has the innocent eyes of a child once more.
I didn't like this sentence. It felt didactic. I think it would be better if it told less and instead conveyed the same idea with action. To use a horrible cliche, show don't tell. Maybe his eyes grow wide? Maybe tears well in the corners? Maybe the light reflects off his eyes like *youthful simile here.*

The last sentence is the best part of the entire story.

[LeaflessTree]

:O :) Perfect~

[Susanna F]

This is so touching and wondrous. I haven't read many stories of this length, and wouldn't know where to begin myself, but you have a real talent. It's so creative and well-crafted. Inspiring!

[Epipsychologist]

It's difficult to insert enough exposition in short-short stories but the mysticism in the piece transforms any ambiguity into something enigmatic and intriguing. You are obviously an excellent writer.

[Coffee Vampier]

This is a very moving write. I dont normally read anything other then poems on WC but i must say this was worth the read.

[katyj]

I agree this is a beautiful written read. Very nicely done!

[NamelessBeast.]

This is a beautifully written story. It kept my attention and weaved an amazing image in my mind as I read. I'll keep an eye on your other stories.