Darkness

Years ago
I was at another moment
When I was questioning
Whether or not to take my life
I worked at a call center
I called all the hotlines
No one ever able to answer
Should I live or die
I sat in the grass on my work break
Trying not to smoke a cigarette
Crying as I looked into the trees
The sun shining through
A song on my playlist
I had on repeat
Longing to know how to find Jesus
As every church I joined
Led me further away
So many questions
So many answers
Nothing could quell
The longing in my soul
It took a long time for me to change
I always remember this day
As the moment I considered
That maybe my own plans
Were limited and flawed
Trying to have direction
Ending up lost again
I took me so long
To stop running, running, running
Running away, again and again
Again and again
Again and again
This is the story of a soul
Who constantly gives up on God
But a God who never gives up on her
Jesus saved my life again
Even after I ran away again
I can't comprehend this kind of love
Only that it's taught me not to give up