Surfacing

A decade ago

A monster became my home

Voices inside my head

Hurting and hurting

Not caring how much I bled

I lost my sanity it's true

A strength in a darkness

No one thought I would pull through

Everyone in my life

Was scared of what was inside

Not knowing if one day I'd be violent

Like the voices in my head

So my father lied and told them instead

And then all I had

Was the voices inside my head

The pain of his lies

In the midst of forgiveness

That took me ten years

Was more than I could bear

I'd worked so hard to keep him out

He got in with a tiny tear

How could my family believe his lies

Then I realized they didn't know me at all

Was I stuck inside?

Were they willingly blind?

How could no one be on my side?

Their pills were killing me faster

Than any remedy I'd ever tried

Simultaneously locking me up inside

Their drugs or mine?

Their drugs or mine?

Their drugs or mine?

What kind of hell is it to decide

Their drugs or mine?

Their drugs or mine?

Their drugs or mine?

Trapped inside the walls

While the outside claims I'm getting better

I'm unable to speak

It hides me

It hides me

It hides me

The part of me that can save me from myself

Is trapped inside

Disassociation

Illusions full of holes

But everyone is too afraid to let go

So I'm lost in the control

Trapped inside the walls

Screaming to get out and just be heard

Of a past so bleak

The fact I survived is so absurd

But no one wants to hear me

They just want to drown me

So they don't have to hear me

Anymore