lost

tanka using free form

seemingly
it’s lost too
this stray pup
asleep
on a old prayer flag

 

 

 

stork
 

Author's Note

I'm new to writing and trying my hand at the Japanese forms. Any feedback will be appreciated.

Reviews

[julian3]

Love it! The best Asian forms all have some elements in common and I think the highest of these elements is the shared ability to use a few sparse yet expressive words - or lines on paper - and through those lines, create a fully detailed, multi-hued image in the mind of the beholder. This does the job so nicely!

[stork]

Thank you James for your review of this.

I like the way you link the images of the stray puppy and the narrator and the old prayer flag to make your very perceptive comment.

Re the prayer flag - it is a length of cotton cloth (usually white) on which Tibetan Buddhist mantras/prayers are printed. The prayer flag is tacked on to bamboo poles of some 15/20 feet high. The idea is that the wind will carry the prayers. The prayer flag is put up to mark New Year, death, birth of a child or even the construction of a new house.

With appreciation,

stork

[JP thinks the WC is apt..]

The word 'too' is very telling...it immediately compares you to this stray and is a quick way to characterisation. You, therefore, are the stray pup asleep on a prayer flag. I'm not quite sure what a prayer flag is - is it a church banner? Whatever it may be, the image the reader takes is that the stray is lost but devoted and there is a note of comfort at the end. A nice piece that does hint at the Japanese form in that it is minimal. A very touching read.