full moon - haiku

a haiku

through cane blinds

full moon

on his empty bed

 

 

 

stork

Author's Note

Any feedback will be appreciated.

Reviews

[John D Phillips]

This is really nice. You've really hit what I think is the essence of great haiku: range of association. The thought is far more expansive than the statement, and the broad connotations of the last line just blindside the reader. I really enjoyed this, it made me sit straight up for once. Thanks.

[Deepshikha]

That's...beautiful.

[julian3]

Many times, I think, people become so sensitive to the expected forms or rhythm of some Oriental style of poetry that they overlook one of the key elements - the artful use of only a few words to convey a sense of time, place, thought and sentiment. In the same way, masters would make a half dozen perfectly executed brush stokes and give the sense of space, mountains, wildlife, mood, and so on.
This poem fulfills that aspect perfectly. Every word carries a meaning beyond itself, and the reader is given an entrancing view into a moment, and a state of being in that moment. Very reminiscent of Basho.
Well done.

[The Elder Pine]

I agree, very nice Haiku. I think its subject has been left by his significant other, or so it seems to me.

[Genie]

Well, something in you isn't new to writing! Very nicely done here. If this is a first effort, you've got terrific instincts, especially because this can be a cross between haiku and senryu. Read one way it's definitely more nature-oriented and thus haiku; read another way the possibilities for senryu are tantalizing. But that's much of the fun and satisfaction with this form -- the creation/creating never stops!

Welcome to WC and the haiku group. Looking forward to reading more of your good work :-)!

(Thanks again for the review and suggestion -- lots of merit there and I will respond fully asap.)

[Poeticpiers]

Excellent example of an haiku ivor or rather a senryu Haikus deal with nature Senryus with people