Natural Causes

For the creative poetry group.

Days without him numbers her calendar.

Liquid pain she wears on her face.

Porecelain skin fades into darkness,

cutting her respiration into shallow cries.

Heart has been maltreated,

broken promises beat to unsteady breathing.

She's dying of natural causes.

 

Life drained of effervescent

sends a penetrating chill to a numb body.

Memories of an imaginary love

enclose sharp blows to a dead mind.

She's dying of natural causes.

 

She lays motionlessness,

unable to use her dexterity.

Glazed eyes focus on a photo of him.

Stiff mouth whispers his name.

She's dying of natural causes.

 

Unable to arouse his aphrodisiac

she sinks lower into her grave.

Ready to vanish from this world,

pleading for a speedy end.

Pulse weakens as the scent of him lingers.

She's dying of natural causes.

 

Deep wounds go to the innermost

parts of her being.

Now able to discern that she is

nothing without him, death is her companion.

Coherent that she is dying of natural causes.

 

A broken heart.

Author's Note

What do you think?

Reviews

[JanieB]

Wow..pretty pwerful stuff. Very well written, and thought provoking. I think it will touch alot of peoples hearts.

[Holly Nichole]

This is really awesome. A sad one, but a good one. & I think everyone can relate to that kind of pain. Good job

[VelvetRosetta]

To die from pains, disease treads through the veins and taints the blood, the worst kind of disease is that of poisoned love. It kills the heart, as the body follows it its withering process.
This is a very sad but painfully true piece of writing.

[?]

The pain of a broken heart is like none other. This is a powerful write. And you have captured the broken heart perfectly.
Very nice

[OT]

liquid pain! I love that idea - fluid pain almost - unfixed - strong write this - nice!

[Cherrie Palmer]

very powerful, good work

[Tina Kline]

Dying of a broken heart...emotions are natural. I really love this. A very very sad and tragic. The emotions pour from your words.

[Sarah Wlochal]

Loved this! I could feel so much emotion!
There are a few typos that you might want to fix, but overall you did an excellent job! :)

[LA Lorena]

You have well captured what it feels like to live through the agony of a broken heart. Nice job.

There are some typos, perhaps a quick re-read or run through with spell check? eg "pluse weakens" should read pulse, "whipers his name" should be whispers

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

Awesome, moved me this one!!!