Chaotic World

About the worldeive in!

The world passes us by,

neglecting to slow down.

Hearts are full,

waiting to be harvest.

Self absorbed people, to busy to listen.

 

We hunger and thirst to be accepted,

to be liberated from evil doings.

Our bodies are like an ocean

ebbing out to shore, then back out to sea.

We sink beneath sorrows.

 

Tribulations surround us,

filling our souls with misery.

Tranquillity is lost among the chaos.

The world has stolen everyones peace,

it's like a poisonous  disease,

trying to fit in, to be something we're not.

 

We feel alone, worthless, unvaluable.

Our longsufferings are neverending.

We want to vanish somewhere in time,

stop the clock and live alittle.

Live our life styles more bountifully,

and wake up from the whirl wind of this world.

 

When morning comes,

peacefully now the light of day.

Arise, gaining new strength.

Small groups thinking and talking.

Filled with selfrespect.

Dreams being dreamed.

Slowing down and taking a breath,

Knowing the world will always be a cave of wonders.

 

Author's Note

Tell me what you think!

Reviews

[Loner]

Really beautifully portrayed !

[Priyankaabhilaashi]

Drenched with all honesty..!!!

Fantastic job..!!!!

[justjenn_2u]

Straight and to the point of how we live in a fallen world but knowing there is hope. Also this poem reflects the inner most vulnerable thoughts and I love the sincerity throughout. Keep up the good work. Write on!

[OT]

a very honest and to the point poem - you express your views very well, and I tend to agree with them too!! very nice!!

[Fegger]

First off, "We sink beneath sorrows." is consuming--very, very nice lyric!

S1-V5-- use "too busy.."
S2-V1--consider "thirst for acceptance", as this will not compete with the 'to be' in the verse that follows.
S2-V3--consider using a comma after 'bodies' and delete the 'are'.
S3-V5-- the usage of 'it's' is confusing. By structure, it would correlate to 'world' or 'peace', and this is not your intention. A semi-colon after 'peace' and deletion of the 'it's' will cure the problem.
S4-V1--you may want to use 'unvalued' (adjective, which would require further text--) or something like 'devoid' or, perhaps, 'vacant'.
S4-V5--I'm not crazy about 'life styles'---maybe 'aspirations'---or something that isn't so trite or sterile.
S4-V6--how 'bout 'arise from' vs. 'wake-up' and 'calamity' vs. 'whirlwind'?
S5-V1,2---this is an incomplete thought--fragments are often acceptable in verse, but they still must communicate with clarity.

An excellent draft...you have a great deal of solid material here...I hope you will return to it for a fine polishing.

[Ron]

Lovely illuminated Christmas Tree of thoughts. The writer talking to herself convincing her self that hope exists and life is worth living. The thoughts seem random and scatter gun but better for that.

[Kelsie Eileen Stark]

This is so true- honest and emotional. I can't believe our leaders are letting us down- and we all just stay strong
Beautiful piece~

[shelbylugal]

This is a classic poem about the world and what it's coming to. The chaos is bombing each city and just how crazy in general we are becoming. Unlike enzo, I love you word choice. The predictability of the words made it easier to understand the feeling behind the piece. If you had used bigger, more, unpredictable words, It would have taken away for the poem I believe.

[Esoteric Strand]

I can tell this is a very honest and sincere piece. The problem I had was with the diction, or choice of words. With a fairly predictable array of words like hearts, sorrow, tribulation, tranquility, peace, dreams… I felt as if the same string was being plucked over and over. It was as if the poem just washed over and didn’t leave a lasting impression. That’s my 2 cent’s worth.

Regards,

E