The Storm

How a stormy day makes one sad!

      This morning the world seemed sad

      the birds didn't sing songs,

      nor did animals move about

      no kids came out to play

 

      The sun didn't make a peep

      rain fell into puddles like tear drops

      flowers refused to bloom

      the wind blew, causing the trees to bend

 

      That night clouds hung low

      the sky was dark

      I wondered where the moon was?

      no stars twinkled above

 

      The world being so sad

      made me feel really bad

      I wondered would it ever be happy again?

      would I be happy again?

      I went to sleep full of questions

 

      Bright light flooded through my window

      my eyes opened to music outside

      the sun was up

      birds were singing

      kids were playing

      flowers were in full bloom everywhere

 

      I looked outside the world was full of laughter

      It was happy!

 

      I looked in the mirror

      I even seemed happy!

 

      The storm had ended!

 

 

Author's Note

Another attemp to better myself!!

Reviews

[Mark]

If you are (as you say) a new writer, I consider you well above the curve, in the degree to which you can identify and express your feelings. That said, I agree with Chana to an extent, as you need to seek out words and phrasings that are less commonplace, if you want your work to have real power.

[Adam :P]

aww :) heartwarming feelin

[closed]

The first part depicts gloominess, and you do that well, and then a sudden burst of sunshine that ties everything up in a similliar fashion.

I like this one :)

-Dream

[Sean Allen]

A nice poem about an unplesant day with a happy ending.

[Mason]

Rain can be a happy thing, if one desires to view the torment of storm from within the confines of shelter. Fabulous poem. well done.

[iamcarolfierce]

That was inspiring. Pretty optimistic. :)
This made me realize that in every problem, there's a solution. Just wait and look at the bright side. Things will gonna alright.

[Dark Aeris]

I prefer stormy days since they allow one to reflect upon themselves and the cleansing of the world.,but this did open up my eyes to another perspective of it. Nice work. As for pushing yourself with your word choice that comes with practice. Just keep writing and you'll get the hang of it. ^_^

[Coyote Poetry]

When the dark storms overtake us. Hard to climb over and find the daylight and hope. I like the positive ending. Sometime we must reach the bottom to appreciate the good in a life. A outstanding poem. Life can be a roller coaster ride. A wise person know when to get off.
Coyote

[mir]

Another beautiful day arises! Gloomy days don't last forever! Nice.

[Goodbye]

Very nice poem, I can see improvement! But I would push you further to try to take a little of the everyday lingo out and replace it with words that have a little more punch. Keep going! you are really doing well!