Schizo

A girl struggles against the voices in her head.

Schizo

The day was nothing but stress and pressure. She just wants to go home and make herself feel better. Her house is welcoming on the outside. The gray bricks set her house apart from all others on the street. They are all red. Her dull gray bricks shadow the tall oak tree on the left side of the house. Her dog barks enthusiastically as she walks through the fence. She pets him and smiles. Things might be okay today, she thinks to herself. The sun is warm on her pale face. Everything radiates happiness.

            Upon entering her house, her small taste of happiness is destroyed. Whack. Across her face as soon as the door is closed. She cries out in pain. “Damn it Alyssa. Where were you? Whoring your body out, huh?” Her father screams in her face. It’s too much; she can’t hold her tears back.

            “I was...just walking slower.” She whimpers. That answer isn’t good enough. He hits her again. The pain is immense. The only thing worse than the pain is the nauseating smell of alcohol. It lingers everywhere, tainting the atmosphere. Happiness cannot thrive in this environment. She runs to her room and slams the door. The darkness is taking over. She throws her iPod into the speakers and lets the music blare. She won’t listen to the fighting between mom and dad. She won’t hear the abuse. Her head is pounding, her world is spinning. This is too much too take. The music doesn’t sooth her enough anymore. She’s too young to deal with this.

            “Alyssa...” she mumbles to reflection in the mirror. Her eye is already black and there is a bright red hand print upon her face. “Why… am I such a screw up?” She asks herself. If only she knew what had caused her to be nothingness to her father. If only she knew why he treats her the way he does. She cries out in fear. The darkness is swirling at her. The voices call out to her. Her friends visit her. She smiles upon their arrival. But there is someone else with them this time. A black shadow.

            “Take it……” He whispers to her, it flows off his tongue like the wind in the night. “It’s time Alyssssssa.” He sounds like a snake. “Who...are you?” She coos to him. She wants to listen to him. Things are always okay when she listens to the others. “Death….” His voice is hardly audible. She shakes her head “no.” But the others start surrounding her. The other shadows of gray. Seven in all. Pain, Despair, Depression, Lonesome, Anger, Darkness, and now Death. They move closer and closer to her, pinning her in the middle. All repeating the same thing “Do it. Do it. It’s time Alyssa.” They give her no room to speak. She screams on the top of her lungs for help.

            “No one can hear your screams.” Lonesome laughs. “No one cares.” Darkness shrouds her. “No one can help you!” Anger and Despair scream. “You’re ours Alysssssa.” Death smiles. She slams her head on the ground. She can’t take it. They are too much. Darkness enters her body. She tries to fight him with all of her might. The world is slowly slipping from her. Reality is escaping. Everything is dark. She is no more.

            Panic fuels her heart as she hides, to afraid to move in the closet. Outside daddy screams and yells. Mommy isn’t home another woman is in their bed. Why? She shakes and sobs in fright. The woman is screaming for god. Is she being hit like mommy, like herself? She wants safety. She wants mommy’s loving arms. She just wants daddy to leave and let them be happy. Most of all she wants out of the closet. This isn’t the first time she’s been in here. She clutches the picture frame, with happy smiles of her mother and father at their wedding. She’s so young and alone, “Why can’t this be happy now?” She whispers. Voices begin to encircle her. They tell her it’s okay. They warm her heart and make her feel reassured. They tell her to always listen to them, everything will be okay. She isn’t alone. They are right here for her, but she must not tell anyone about them or they won’t be back to help her. “Help me? Help me what?” she thinks to herself. They want to help her live happily. She smiles at the thought and falls asleep.

            Alyssa comes to her senses, oblivion is over. They are gone, but they are still lingering there in her mind. Her hand is clutched around the small blade. Parents are still arguing. She promised to always listen to them. It doesn’t take much thought. The darkness is coming back despite how much she tries to stay alert. Her shaking hands hastily scrawl a message on a sticky note on her desk:

            Sorry for being such a mistake to you Dad. Ive tried so hard, but I can’t anymore. I hope this wakes you up mom and you can get away. If only you knew what he does to me when you’re at work. I love you mom.

            The cold metallic blade glides lightly across her wrists. She just has to push, “harder.” Death coos to her. She immediately obeys. There is no remorse in her mind. All her life she had been driven to this. This is what she wants. The warm magenta blood flows on her arms. She smiles. Death reaches her hand to her. She takes it eagerly. Pain stands by idly. Despair shimmers to Confidence as she digs deeper. Desperation turns to Hope as she digs deeper. Lonesome changes to Love as she digs deeper. Anger turns to Happiness as the blade drops to the ground. Darkness morphs into Light. Death takes carries her away to a better life. Everything seems so right to her as she closes her eyes and is instantly transformed. Happiness surrounds her. Her shades converge into real people that have made her a smidge happier in her life. It’s her own afterlife. She can make it how she wants. Everything is painless, until she wakes up in a hospital bed, with him looking over to her shaking his head sarcastically.

Author's Note

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