Forfiet

A poem I wrote about this guy that I have been in love with literally for for over four years and it has been nothing but a mess for us both. But you deny or fight off passion. Enjoy.

  -Forfeit- 

  

I forfeit you often in tiny moments lingering like age..
To a titanic of an opponent I know I will never defeat. You. 

You're the mighty unbreakable door, with no handle nor knob to turn, neither knocker or bell to ring.
You are the only door that is not a slave to any metal. Not even a cursed object like skeleton keys can force it open and break into your secret thoughts.
It opens from one side and one side only. Your side. 

I've watched you slip behind your door and get lost inside yourself.. Never taking anyone with you. Slipping through time in a compelling labrynth, hidden somewhere behind those dark intoxicating eyes.  Those eyes that make me often forget what I'm saying midsentence.

The spark to the match of my irrelevant jealousy, driving me to the brink of insanity. Making me restlessly patient for your return from the door and back to reality, or the reality we physically share.

I want to get lost with you, take me through your door. I want to see more than you show, and know all the things you never say. I need your raw unyeilding commentary and this unwanted vail you hide behind lifted: exposing you bare.

I've been stealing bits of you over the years while you were unaware-but it's no longer enough. 

I want to finally see all of you at once. Not the glimpses and echos that I have collected and pieced together under your nose for all these years. Like some common stalker..

That version, my version of you, is forever unsatisfying and incomplete. It will never be enough, who you are in my head and who you are when we are together, is only a shadow of the you let me see. I want the version you keep locked up, the one you  never share.
You may be content being lost inside yourself alone, but even so, it doesn't have to be that way.

I beg you, stop keeping to yourself. Keep me instead.

Together, we will be the perfect trade.

-Stone Fox    

 

Author's Note

still needs some work but i welcome any critisism that can help.

Thanks.

Reviews

[ANTO]

"I forfeit you often. In tiny moments lingering like age, to a titanic opponent i know i can never defeat. You. " - this is a Titanic opener - it is self encapsulating too - the essence of the write in 3 sentences.

Quite a few typos but nothing that detracts from the reading and enjoying.

The sense of not being able to properly communicate with him is ironically expertly communicated to the reader which is frustrating becasue you just want to grab the guy by the scruff and say, "before you take another breath, before you effect another heartbeat guy, READ THIS FIRST!"

Superb writing SF

[Lizardo]

I love this writing, I really do, Another wonderful poem and very intriguing to, kind of like hidden message inside it.
Wonderful writing this, Have a Happy New year!

[Stone Fox]

Yes there is a hidden message, or should i say a double message eh? lol. I'm a very prideful creature so i say things without saying them to "save face" son to speak but that doesnt always work. -Stone

[Einstein Noodle]

dear Stone Fox!! i read from your statement that this is about you .. dear poetess .. if you were my daughter (of which i have two .. both grown) i would tell you to run run run .. this guy after four years of getting it his "secret" way .. does not deserve the love you speak of in "Forfeit" .. you have forfeited enough! that being said .. i would call this prose .. it engulfed me and kept me hooked .. there are some very small editing issues of no consequence unless you want to fix them ..
"Or the one we physically share." i find myself wanting to know more about this ... (not necessarily saying you have to tell me) ..it piques my interest .. your closing lines are stellar .. you capture such a great deal of emotion throughout .. would love to read more ;)
E.
ps. not a good position to be in dahlink! :) love and peace!

[Stone Fox]

Einstein, you are so right and it was a learning lesson. It's just hard to walk away from that much all consuming passion. I'm so glad you liked the closing lines they troubled me for a bit. and as for the "the physical one we share" referring to reality. He had so many but physically there is only one that we share together. But sometimes you get in your own way from seeing whats in plain view. Thank you for acknowledging all the emotion. it was a rollercoaster but worth the story. -Stone.

[Einstein Noodle]

wow! God bless you Fox! with some calm and joy unlooked for ;)

[Steve87]

Thanks for the poem I like how you state that people are hardly ever the best versions of themselves unless they are truly happy and you believed in the poem that you could be his source of happiness if he would let you. well done maybe work on content but message is good