What I Saw Then, I See Now

Uuuuummmm, it's a poem about a secret. A sad secret about Abortion and the young men that are dragged through it, too.

  

You burnt a hole

in my soul.

 

Your words

set my heart to dusk

blackening the landscape,

cajun style

 

I smiled through

the slaughter,

Kool-aid-faced

begging for morning,

wishing for yesterday.

 

I held my breath,

waited for reason to

disembowel treason

I held my breath

like a newborn

still tied to the dock

 

And God…

buckled my guts,

turned my face to stone,

walked me to the edge

of your cliff…

 

But my tongue broke

into pieces,

leaving me to sputter,

spitting blood—

 

nothing profound,

nothing reasonable,

nothing.

 

I let you walk,

while the Christians,

on either side,

spoke of

hell and compassion.

 

I watched you

stumble over the edge,

giving away your blessing,

because you didn’t want it,

yet.

 

My eyes watched you.

My conscience retreated.

 

I wondered

how the cold wind felt

on your heart.

 

 

 

Author's Note

I wondering if this poem is too cryptic. Does the reader get what the secret is just from the poem? Does the title need to be more revealing? Is there a word that throws the reader off? I really need good feedback on this piece. i don't edit much, but I may like to on this piece.

Reviews

[Kees Kapteyn]

You don't need to be any more revealling- its better to show than tell. Timothy Findley once said that a good author has the responsibility to stand in front of his audience and sing "do re mi fa so la ti..." and leave the audience to be the one singing the final "dooooooo!" That is how I see good writing.

I don't find it too cryptic- it's indicative of the narrator's pain and the language you use is absolutely gorgeous- in the case of abortion, its true that the father is usually left out of the picture- always looked upon as a deadbeat, a lech or an abuser. The fathers are losing their children, their legacies too and that's not to be taken lightly.

[Just Manoosh]

I too had to read this several times...... but that is not a bad thing, the opposite. I want to say I enjoyed this piece, but that sounds wrong. So very well penned honey. It reads like a story, perfectly said, oh how we all could wish it was yesterday.

On open door to your heart, well expressed.

Thank you Emily for sharing, and big enveloping hugs to Stiver.
Mx

[Emily B]

Looking back you blend the life of the child and the experience of the adult very well. I read it a couple of times. Nothing seems out of place. Nothing seems too much. It seems just right the way it is.

[Emily B]

wow! Awesome stuff. I feel like I need to read it again and again--just so I don't forget the words.

[Brianna Brie]

And God�
buckled my guts,
turned my face to stone,
walked me to the edge
of your cliff�

Ouch...this one hurts. It is awesomely penned though. Thanks for sharing it in the Tell Me a Secret contest. Brie