Vampires, Witches and Werewolves. Oh my!

She-it! That was, a very good story. Would you consider turning it into a book? O.o

But for feedback, (it was amazing) these are a few things you might wanna, I dunno. Take note of?

“Don’t look at me like that,” she said to me.
You might wanna use comma's more often, in places like this, or could chose what tense you will be using, sort of like this?

There she knelt beside the motionless boy. Fresh blood dripped from her chin as her glowing gold eyes stared back at me with no remorse. She ran her tongue across her lips and smiled, showing off her bloodstained fangs.

Or

She was kneeling beside a motionless boy, fresh blood dripping from her fangs. Her glowing golden eyes were staring back at me without remorse. Running her tongue across her lips, (you could describe her lips here, or not) she smiled, revealing her bloodstained fangs.

This would be a very very very good start to a story though. It would be awesome if you could continue it, or tell how the couple came to be. 0-0

You did a WOnDeRFuL job =D
!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 8 Years Ago

i support your thought of feedback good or bad
because bad feedbacks help to improve
this story here is a light peice of work which i liked because i also write this way
if you want any help here on writers cafe you can tell me
freely when i joined there was also someone who helped me this way

Posted 8 Years Ago