The Art of Seduction

The art of seduction.

In his hands he holds a brittle piece of a palm frond

as he stares out at the ocean,

listening to the pleading calls of the seagulls.

Ratat is startled when he feels the hot breath

of his true love against the nape of his neck,

then turns around and sweeps his hand through her

symphonic hair, all the while he's studying her features

with great intensity.

After exposing her ear which is decorated with rings

and jewels, he strokes the back of her neck.

She follows his eyes with her own,

then closes her painted eyes,

while leaning her head back,

then tilts it to the side,

and opens her eyes once more with her gaze

still fixed upon him.

Upon rubbing his soft lips with her finger tips,

he gently takes her hand,

and kisses the tips of her fingers all the way up to her

shoulder, brushing his lips against her collar bone,

up her throat, and then their lips meet in a tender embrace.

Author's Note

What do you think of the imagery.

Reviews

[Nicole]

This was beautiful.
The mental picture I got was amazing.
Made me feel tingly. xD
You definately have imagery down packed.
The scene itself like Fabian had said.
Was a very relaxing setting and made it perfect for them as a couple to be in one another's embrace.
Well written, I enjoyed it. :)

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Such a gentle passionate flow to this piece brings out such wonderful thoughts of romance... it was softly stimulating but raging with desire. Yes it imagery was just enough to let the imagination feel it and give it life.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

First, I will say that you have painted a nice scene in a relaxing setting. The ocean and its sights and sounds are evocative of soothing warm emotion. I was rather put off by a few things. When you say, "his mate" it sounds almost as if you are talking about an animal rather than a human (or at best, a primitive human) I would have chosen (his love) or even (his woman) above the more animalistic expression. And here, "while swaying her head all the way back," I think I would put a comma after "swaying" for expressive clarification since this way sounds as if her head is swaying on its own without her body while tilted all the way back. Don't try that, I did and it hurts! lol Another thing was the mention of his "crimson" lips. Crimson brings to mind a BRIGHT or DEEP red such as blood or lipstick. I think "soft" or "supple" might have been a better choice. But I enjoyed the interaction of the couple and the description of her earrings. I don't know about his hand brushing the palm trees...palms have a very rough and abrasive bark. I had rather have something like, "In his hands he holds a broken bit of brittle palm frond as he stares out..." I also think that the "voices" of the seagulls might be more descriptive such as "the pleading calls" or "the high bourn screech". I enjoyed the read for the most part but I think the imagery might be fine tuned a wee bit. I just thought I'd offer a few suggestions with my review to offer some constructive advice. (I hate the word "criticism"). lol I actually admire anyone who offers their soul up in verse. It takes courage and creativity and both are traits which I greatly admire and respect. Wishing you all the best, F.G.