Ghostly Vessel Entombed By Savage Minds

This is about man recognizing his own wicked tendencies and molding them into loving rays of light that is found within him.

My famished eyes can't let go of your frozen soul
that melts into angry rays of sunlight.
I am transformed by the grace that is your sculpted spirit,
and I am enveloped inside your electric gaze.
This is food belonging to godly woes; thus, creating hunger
throughout our ghostly vessel that we have become,
Entombed by savage minds who cannot release their hold
on this entangeld web we have woven.
Golden fountains continue to saturate my milky bones
with their weeping rain.
For I shiver inside your frosty arms.
the longer humble tides devour burning sands that sleep
along the loving shore.
You are my bass line of the trumpet I blow to mourn your
dying shield your corpse has become for me.
For to withstand Hades' flames shall enable me to carry
the world's burdens upon my glass back; yet, I am further
humbled by the lordly winds that sweep me up into their comforting dreams.
The curator of this deadly disease is the other self within me.
For our salted breaths contort to freeze drying wicked tears,
and cause thirsty throats to surrender to the caveman's club.
For he beats down stoned hedge, to remise his own wounded plight.
The miles laugh at our traumatic blades within each lung until
we bleed into one another's cauldron.
Fainting waters are stirred in with our inhibitions; yet, I breathe
into your shallow soul to bring you back to life.
For you have taken over my inner power,
and enhanced my cloudy light.

Author's Note

What do you think of the prose?

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

It certainly has no lack of descriptive adjectives and some good metaphors. But I wish the story did not need an explanation. I had rather the story BE the explanation. Progression is important to me in prose or rhyme. I had thought this was to be sort of like "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" which tells a story in rhyme. Frankly though, the context was so vague with references so obscure that it was hard for me to make any sense out of, even after being given the explanation of what the poem was about. But it sounds good read aloud because of the aforementioned descriptive adjectives and metaphors. As a performance piece, this was great. I just felt the piece to be more surreal than real, more impressionistic than realistic which is not a bad thing in art or even some literature, like A Clockwork Orange. Art is subjective to taste however so there is never good or bad. I found no fault with the writing other than my own confusion.

[ABitBrokenPoetry]

"The curator of this deadly disease is the other self within me" this piece is full of wonderful imagery. its easy to get lost in it. it is deep & definately makes you think. i love the subtle rhythm it carries as well. a gorgeous write indeed.

[TL Boehm]

I found this to be surreal too - There is a tendency here at the cafe for readers to "skim" a piece (Fabian is a reader...who dives into the piece - I'm talking about others who don't) and sometimes a piece like this is lost amongst the woe is me and the la de da moments - because people dont want to think about a piece. I like a work that gets under my skin....that makes me sit a little closer to the screen - and this one did just that. Well done.