Memories.

A man loses his wife in a freak accident, and contemplates suicide.

                                                            Memories

The room was dark, the curtains drawn.  Outside, the sun shone and the temperature was in the twenties.  In here, the fan was switched on to three, and it was cool.  The floor covered in half eaten takeaways, the place was a tip.  At some point a fly had got in, buzzing about the room.  Richard had sat in the leather chair for hours, just looking at nothing.  The reason for this, was a reason he couldn’t quite comprehend.  Forty eight hours earlier, he was with his wife of ten years, she looked so beautiful that sunny evening, as they made their way to a posh restaurant on the other side of town.  Her smile was infectious, he adored her so much.  The last ten years had been the most happiest he had ever been, married to his soul mate, the woman he shared everything with.  They knew each others thoughts and desires, and he felt extremely lucky.  But what Richard didn’t know, later that evening tragedy would strike.  And his soul mate would be lost to him.  In the cruellest of fate, something was going to happen which would change his life forever.

I miss you, Samantha.

She didn’t answer.

He got up from the chair and walked to the window, moving the curtain a little, he peered outside.  The sun was strong, blinding him for a second.  The road in front some children played, smiles expressed on all their faces as they took part in a game of some sort.  Richard wished he was this age again, being young, not realising what a wicked place the world can be at times.  At the age of thirty, he felt like his life was over.

Her face appeared in a memory, it was a memory from four years ago.

They sat in the living room. 

She gave him a concerned look, “ ‘Don’t worry, Richard, so you’ve lost your job.  Please, please, don’t give up, it’s the worst thing you can do.’

He knew she was right, and replied, “ ‘But I’ve been there for years, love.  What else can I do?’

She neared him and kissed him softly on the lips.  “ ‘I believe in you, you’ll find something.  I’m sure of it, and I love you very much.’

“ ‘I love you, sweetheart.  If I ever lost you, it would be like losing a limb, as you are a part of me.  And I’ll try to find a job as quickly as I can, I promise.’

They cuddled each other.  For sometime he held her in his arms, and could feel her warm breath on his chin.

It was times like this, he knew she was the only one for him.

His eyes hurt from all the crying, the memory fading fast.  Back in the dark room, sat in the chair looking at nothing particular.  All he could think of was her, the first time they made love at the age of eighteen.  Their wedding day surrounded by friends and family, and a week in Majorca while on their honeymoon.  Such precious times, all fading into blackness.  His mind and body felt numb.  He wanted to die. 

Many memories kept coming and fading, like a whirlpool.  Just last year when they travelled to Canada, and a brilliant holiday this turned out to be.  Everyday going for long walks, and in the evenings having dinner out somewhere.  One night, even entering a dance contest, and winning.  He remembered when they received the trophy, and the sheer joy on Samantha’s face.  And later that night as they passionately made love in their hotel room.  Even knocking the trophy off the nearby table as their thoughts were elsewhere.

Samantha, answer me, I know you can hear me?

Still, she didn’t answer.

Was she now an angel?  If she was, come to me, sweetheart.  So I know you’re safe.

Only silence.

The children outside could be heard all of a sudden.  

It Stirred in him the child they could have had.  About six years ago Samantha became pregnant.  After some awkward silences she finally confessed to this, all Richard remembers is laughing with sheer joy at the news, much to his wife’s amazement.  

“ ‘Don’t you think we are too young for this?’ she said at the time.

“ ‘I’ve always wanted children with you.  Maybe the timing is a bit off, but let’s do this.  Forget what I said before, it’s the best news ever.  Don’t you think, sweetheart?’

“ ‘I suppose, but I’m only twenty four.  In my thirties would’ve been a more suitable time, don’t you think?’

“ ‘You never know what life will throw at you, let’s be happy, because this is a miracle.  God has blessed us both.’

“ ‘You are right, and you know something, you are going to be the best dad ever.’

“ ‘And you are going to be the best mum ever, because you’re the best wife a man could ever wish for.’

The children must of gone in for tea, no noise from outside could be heard.

His brain hurt, he felt terrible.  He wanted to cry, but there was no more tears left.  

“If there is a God, why did you let this happen?” he said under his breath.

The emptiness he felt before was now turning into anger.  He picked up a glass from the coffee table in front of him and threw it at the wall, and it smashed.  “I hate you, I hate this f*****g life.”

A voice from somewhere whispered to him, “Please don’t worry about me, I am safe.”

He looked about him, no one was there.

“Was that you, Samantha?”

He realised he was on his own.  Where did the voice come from?  His head was playing tricks on him, maybe?

At one last attempt, he asked again, hoping for a reply.  “Is that you, sweetheart.  If that is, please answer me, as I feel horrible and I am so scared without you.”

Nothing.

His head went into his hands, he felt desperate and alone..  

Then the voice was heard again, “I know my death was brutal, and you saw it.  Please move on, and one day we will be together again.  And I’ll always love you.”

“I feel so alone, I feel so empty without you,” he pleaded.  “What can I do to stop feeling like this?” he asked, not quite believing she was here with him.

No reply.

He left the chair and stood in the middle of the room.  “Where have you gone?  Please answer me, sweetheart?”

Nothing, apart from deathly silence.

The slight glimmer of hope he’d felt was disappearing quickly.  Then, like a miracle, the bulb just above his head came on.  

Maybe, it was a sign? 

He stared at the light expecting something to happen.  He waited for her to appear.  She did not.  Disheartened, he turned away from the light and noticed a small object sitting on the arm of the chair.  It seemed to sparkle, like magic.  He neared it slowly.  When he realised what the object was, it took his breath away.  It was the necklace she’d worn the evening when she died.

“I don’t believe it,” he gasped.

Richard picked it up carefully and examined it.  What did this mean?

He then thought back to the evening when his wife was cruelly taken from him.  This occurred about an hour before midnight, as they left the restaurant and made their way home.  After eating they’d consumed some drinks, so both were a little merry.  That’s why Richard decided not to drive.  They only lived just under a mile across town.  

“ ‘God, I feel drunk,’ she said, laughing hysterically.

“ ‘Me too.  I can’t remember the last time I was this drunk.  Must be years,’ he answered, he tried grabbing hold of her hand and fell into the wall.  ‘Ouch!  That hurt.’

“ ‘You’re such an idiot,’ shouted Samantha, whilst giggling uncontrollably.

“ ‘Well, I must be an idiot.  I married you, didn’t I.’ 

“ ‘You cheeky sod,’ she replied.

“ ‘I’m only joking, I love you with all my heart.  Now give me a kissy wissy,’ he said, pressing his lips together.

Samantha started running up the road, “ ‘Later!   Now let’s get on home.’

“ ‘Wait for me, sweetie pie,’ Richard shouted, trying to catch her up.

She looked back for a split-second, not noticing she stood on a side road, “ ‘Come on, love.  I’m bursting for a p…..’

Out of the darkness a van hit her, throwing her a few metres from where she stood. 

Richard looked on, not believing what he’d just witnessed.  He had the urge to be with her, to see if she was all right.  He sprinted to her, and crouched down.  Her body looked broken, and blood was noticed on her clothes and face.  Her eyes were closed, and she didn’t move.

He started sobbing, but between the tears he tried talking to her, reassuring her.  “ ‘This might look bad now, but it’s not as bad as it looks.  I promise, sweetheart, that you’ll be fine.  Please, God.’

He softly picked up her body, and cradled her in his arms.  Her face was against his, her skin felt cold.

It sent a chill through him.

Looking back towards the restaurant, he could see a crowd of people had formed outside of the building, staring in their direction.  Worried looks on all their faces.

“ ‘Wake up, darling,’ he begged, touching her cheek ever so softly.

Time was lost to him.

Sometime after, a siren blared out far in the distance.  Was help coming?  Before long, bright flashing lights were seen coming down the road.  The group of people still stood outside the restaurant, now looking in the direction of the oncoming vehicle.  The ambulance stopped at the side of the road, and two men got out and rushed towards the crowd.

“ ‘Where’s the woman who has been hit?’ asked one.

“ ‘Over there,’ said an elderly man, pointing.

Richard still held his wife, keeping her comfortable.  He was then aware of a man standing over him, he looked up.

The man spoke, “ ‘We are here to help.  We need you to move away so we can check her.’

“ ‘But I must be here, if not, she’ll be afraid,’ he replied, not wanting to leave her.

“ ‘Please, it will only take a minute.  We need to find out what the damage is.’

He stared at the necklace, mesmerised by it.  How did it end up here in the room?  

The last memory of his wife was too painful, this was the part he didn’t want to remember.  The bit where the ambulance men approached him, with saddened looks on their faces, before one saying, “ ‘We done our best, but the damages were too severe.  I’m sorry, but she is dead.’

Richard felt tears welling up in his eyes.  Hours before this had happened, but it still hurt like hell.  The moment he was told she was not coming back to him, that she had passed away.  The reason they’d gone to dinner in the first place, was because it was their anniversary, and ever since this, he has been in the room, with the curtains drawn, stuck in his own dark thoughts.

If memories of his beloved is all he had left, than this life was not worth living.  There was no other option.  Downstairs in the living room, in one of the drawers was a gun.  It was originally his dad’s, but his father had died two and a half years ago.  And knowing having a gun was illegal in this country, hid it for his parent.  His mum had been dead for years, it was cancer.  He felt like his life was cursed.  

He opened the door for the first time in hours, and made his way down the stairs.  He entered the living room, and walked to the cabinet.  He pulled open the drawer, and wrapped up in a tea towel was the gun.  He unwrapped it, and looked at it with a peculiar fascination.  Would this be the answer to everything?  

All of a sudden a knock was heard coming from the front door.  Who the hell could that be?  He put the gun down carefully onto the cabinet.  And walked to the front door feeling a little agitated.  Opening the door he saw a little girl looking up at him, with a smile on her face.

“Hello, sir.  I would’ve asked the woman in your garden, but she was acting strangely, but would you be so k…….”

“The woman?” Richard asked.  “What do you mean?”

The girl of about nine looked confused, before answering, “I asked her if she would donate to my cause, she looked at me with sad eyes and then she ran somewhere, as I couldn‘t see her any longer.  Who is she, sir?”

Richard was taken aback.  “My god, she is still here, looking over me.  My god, what must she think of me.”

He felt so ashamed.  She would never have given up, whatever the reason.  And him, with the gun. 

“Are you okay, mister?” she asked.

Richard didn’t know how he felt, what should he do next?  Knowing his wife was there, looking over him in his hour of need, made him feel a little better then he previously did.  “Yes, I feel okay.  So what cause is this for?”

“I’m not really sure, but mummy runs it, and she’s always saying we need more volunteers, and more funding,” the girl explained.  “I think it’s to do with people who have lost a loved one, and this cause brings people who have experienced losing someone close to meet others in similar situations.”

Richard certainly knew how that felt.  “But how can meeting other people in a similar situation help?  The loneliness is still there.”  He then realised he was talking to a child, and felt embarrassed.  “Your mother’s cause sounds very good, at the moment I am very busy.  Good luck and bye.”  

The girl looked at him baffled, and she smiled again, “That woman I spoke too in your garden, do you know her?”

“Yes, I did,” he replied unhappily.

“Do you miss her a great deal?” she asked innocently enough.

“Yes, I miss her terribly.”

“And she misses you too,” she said.

Richard looked at her, what did she mean?  This was a young girl, how could she know such things.  “When you said she misses me, what did you mean?”

The girl giggled before answering, “She’s whispering to me now.  Why, can’t you see her, she’s right here with us?”

He looked about her, and couldn’t see anything.  “Are you messing me about?” he said in an angry fashion.

The girl looked shocked, before replying, “She’s telling me now, that after the accident, she could hear your voice and it comforted her a great deal.”

“Stop it, I don’t know what game you are playing.  Please, stop it.”

“She also says that your favourite colour is blue, and the dress you got for her last week made her feel ten years younger.  And when you laid with her on the road, in the final minutes of her life, she could hear you, and it gave her great comfort.  Honestly, I wouldn’t lie to you,” the girl said.

“You don’t know how relieved that makes me feel,” he said, hoping that his final seconds with her, meant something.

The girl’s smile vanished, and she looked at Richard in a caring manner, then saying, “She is worried about you, very concerned about you.”

“She need not worry about me, I’m okay,” he replied.  Then he thought back to five minutes ago, and how close he was to ending his own life.

The girl put a hand in the small bag which she carried, and pulled out a bag of pink looking sweets.  “Would you like one, mister?”

Richard didn’t want to come across as rude.  “Yes, I would like one very much,” he answered.

She opened the packet, and he helped himself to one.

He placed it in his mouth, and it had a pleasant flavour.

“Do you like it?” she asked excitedly.

“Very much, thank you.”

“You have always had a sweet tooth, haven’t you?”

“Yes I have, but how would you know this?”

The girl giggled, and then replied, “The woman told me just now, that you love sweet things.”

“What else does she tell you?” he asked, needing to know.

“Many things, plenty of wonderful things, and other things that are really funny,” she replied, laughing out loud.  

“Does she miss me?” he asked, hoping she did with all her heart, like he missed  her with all of his.

“Yes she does, and she loves you more then you will ever know.  With all her heart and more.”

“Is this what she just said to you?”

“It was, and she can read your thoughts as well.  And she can tell how sad you feel, and how it makes her worried for you,” the girl said a little upset.

Richard looked back into the house, towards the living room where the dreaded gun was.  He now realised that his darling Samantha had seen everything, what he was thinking, and how selfish he now felt.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he said under his breath.

“She forgives you,” the girl said.

“Did she say this to you?” he asked.

“Yes, and she does forgive you, as she can feel the torment you are in,” the girl said.

He looked at the girl with a strange fascination, before replying, “I think, that you coming to my house at this time on this day, was meant to be.  Because earlier, something I was going to do, would have changed everything.”  He stopped for a second, close too tears.  Then he carried on, “I think this was meant to be, and because of you sweet child, I am not tormented no more.”

The girl giggled, “This will make Samantha very happy indeed, she now feels it’s time to leave.  And as I said earlier, she loves you, and will see you again soon.”

Richard placed his hands over his eyes, and started crying.  Then he heard the girl say something.

“She says there is a light coming for her, and with it is such a feeling of peace, and in the light she can see her dad, with welcoming arms.  She’s now gone.”

“Goodbye, my love,” Richard said quietly.

“I must go now, mum will be wondering where I have got too.”

Richard said one more thing to her before she left, “Maybe, I will attend one of your mum’s meetings.  Just give me time, I have a lot to workout.”

“That’s fine, see you,” she concluded, and she skipped down the path towards the road, before turning left and vanishing behind a tall hedge.

Richard made his way back in.  Still not believing what he’d just heard, but it set his heart at rest.  Wherever she had gone too, she was safe, safe and loved.  Her soul at peace.  

It was time to focus on the future, to be positive.  A funeral had to be arranged, and out of respect to his wife, he’d make it the best funeral in the history of the world.  It was his only way of saying goodbye to her, now.

The first thing to do, is get rid of the gun.  

He walked into the living room, and on the cabinet sat the blasted thing.  

“I was so close, too close,” he said, peering at it with a disgusting feeling in the pit of his stomach.

He puked onto the carpet.  Clearing the sick up, he went to the bin, and dropped it in.  Needing to concentrate, he got hold of the gun, wrapping it first in a tea towel, and giving it great thought of how to get shot of it.  Nearby, was a river that ran for miles.  Maybe, this was the best plan?  Throw it in, and dispose of it for good.

Placing the gun carefully onto the backseat, Richard then made his way into the car.  

The journey seemed to drag, knowing what sat in the back, made him feel uneasy.  

Finally, he was there.  He left the vehicle carrying the gun, and quickly made his way to the edge of the river.  He unwrapped it slowly, and dropped the towel onto the damp grass.  Holding it strongly in one hand, he threw it in with all his might.  With one splash, it had vanished beneath the surface of the water.  

He thought back to his dad, a single tear left his eye.  

It was now time to look to the future.  When he gets home, the first thing to do is clean the house, as it was a tip, and then to arrange a beautiful service for his beloved wife.

The memories of her will never be forgotten.

                                                             The End

Reviews

[Marie]

A lot of mistakes in this, but the story is all right. Yu need to write something new, though. I'd like to see how your work has progressed.