Moving Forward

A woman loses her son.

                                            Moving Forward

Little Jason ran to school in a really good mood as he’d won a competition the day before.  Today he was picking up his prize.  The boy of eleven couldn’t wait.  He felt such joy.  Being the shortest in his year sometimes the other boys and girls would make fun of him.  But at long last he’d done something which made him feel more superior than all of them.  He was on top of the world.  Jason crossed the road not noticing a single vehicle when all of a sudden a van came out of nowhere knocking him hard to the concrete.  The bag which he’d held was flung with great force disappearing over a nearby fence.  Jason had trouble moving.  His body was numb.  He began to get scared knowing something wasn’t right.  People were standing over him with shocked looks on their faces.  

“Where are you, mummy?” he said, hoping she would come to comfort him.

From high above he saw a bird gliding through the air before landing on one of the tree tops.  And for the first time in his short life he had a feeling of being separated from the world around him.  Seconds later he was dead.

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Mary peered out of the window with a sadness in her heart.  Why?  The sky was grey and storms were promised later.  She heard a voice behind her.  She ignored it.  She saw his little face in her mind.  “Please come back to me?  As I miss you more than you’ll ever know,” she said under her breath, knowing he was gone forever from this world.  This was the thing that broke her heart.  Mary felt a hand on her shoulder.  She was too scared to turn, but said, “I’m sorry, James.  I’m not ready.”

“I’ll pop back another time,” he replied, worry in his voice.  

The next thing she was aware of was the front door closing as her ex-husband had left.  “Sorry,” was all she said.  She wasn’t ready to talk to anyone.  Loneliness was all that consumed her.  Empty days of little Jason not being there.  His funeral had been some days back, and a good crowd had arrived.  But this didn’t help the fact that the son she cherished so much she would never see again because some b*****d had ran him over.  The police saying it was a hit and run.  This was the thing which broke her heart the most.

“Will I ever get over you.  As in my soul everything is dark.  Destroyed from anything that I once held close.  Only time will tell,” she muttered.  Mary felt tired and decided to go upstairs to get some rest.  While she walked up the stairs she saw a photo of her son smiling.  He seemed so joyous at that moment.  Tears ran down her cheeks.  She placed a hand to her mouth, then ran to the bedroom which was down the hall.  For the rest of the day she stayed in her bed crying.

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A voice was shouting with utter glee, “Mummy, mummy, please don’t leave me again.”

Mary awoke in a darkened room.  “For godsake,” she said, realising where she was, and what had happened.  “Please let this nightmare end.”

She got out of bed switching the ceiling light on.  Peering at the clock on the wall it was 3.27am.  She decided to head downstairs to make a cup of tea as she was thirsty.  At the bottom she thought she heard tapping coming from the kitchen.  What could that be?  She grew a little fearful.  For a second she thought about ringing James.  Not a good idea.  Even though he’d been supportive over the last few days she still didn’t trust him.  When they were together he’d been seeing someone else behind her back..  She hated him for it.  This is why their marriage had ended some months back.  “Be brave.  You don’t need him anymore,” she said, while she headed towards the kitchen to see what the noise was.  Through the doorway she noticed the left tap still running.  She ran to it and turned it off.  With utter horror she saw a reflection in the window of what looked like a child standing just a metre from her.  Mary turned petrified as can be.  No one was there.  Her heart raced.  She needed to sit down as she felt quite dizzy.  She put her head in her hands.  “My god, what’s happening to me.”  A cold hand touched her on the shoulder.  Mary spun round shocked.  The room was empty.  Looking back towards the window she thought she saw a face staring back.  Within half a second it had vanished.  Her eyes felt heavy.  Moments later she had fallen asleep.  

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Mary awoke with a start.  She was at the table in the kitchen.  Then she remembered the strange events from earlier.  A chill ran through her.  Inches away she saw a piece of paper.  She noticed writing on it.  Picking it up she read it, and all it said was, daddy.

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James looked annoyed as he made his way into the house.

Mary was baffled by the whole thing, and asked him as politely as she could, “Why have I got a note sitting on my table saying daddy on it?”

He walked passed her something clearly on his mind, then replied, “What are you talking about?”  He walked into the living room and sat down on the comfy sofa.

She followed him in and sitting down on a chair opposite stared at him until their eyes met.  “So, please explain?”

Confusion covered his face.  “Look, I know you’re grieving at the moment like I am.  But please, Mary.  I beg you, I don’t understand why you rang having a go at me for leaving a message on your table.  I know nothing about it.”  He placed his hands on his forehead and sighed.

Mary didn’t understand how such an odd message could just appear like that, but she believed James was telling the truth.  Sighing herself she then said in a deflated sort of way, “Sorry.  I made a mistake.”

He peered up at her, and a smile came across his face, before answering, “Come on, Mary.  You need to get out of the house, get some fresh air.  Let’s go for a walk.”

“I’ve got stuff to do,” she said coldly while she got up from the chair making her way to the entrance.  Once there she opened the front door, James appeared sheepishly from the living room.  “Thanks for coming round.  I’ll see you soon.”

He seemed disappointed as he proceeded out of the door and down the narrow path towards the gate.  Before opening it he looked back, then said, “Look after yourself.”  With that he was gone.

Mary closed the door.  From upstairs laughter was suddenly heard.  She rushed up the stairs thinking that someone was playing games with her.  The moments she’d reached the top the laughing had ceased.  “Why do this to me?” she said, hoping whoever had sneaked into the house would make a run for it, expecting it to be a teenager out on a dare.  No one appeared.  From her son’s bedroom she could hear a screeching sound like someone was in terrible pain.  “Please just go,” Mary begged.  Taking her time she walked slowly to her son’s room, a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach.  Inches from the door she kicked it open thinking the worst was going to happen.  The room was empty.  With utter shock she noticed his school bag on top of the bed.  How the hell did it get there?  She bent down to pick it up when the strangest thing happened.  

A shadow appeared from nowhere and kissed her gently on the side of the face.

It was her son.

The next thing Mary was aware of was laying flat on her back on the floor beside the bed.  The bag still clutched in her left hand.  She glanced up at the ceiling with a wonderful feeling that everything was going to be fine.

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She stared at Susan waiting for a response.  After some seconds she couldn’t wait anymore, and said excitedly, “So do you think it’s Jason trying to make contact with me?”

Susan coughed a couple of times with a worried look on her face.  “I’ve known you a long time, Mary.  Please go and see a professional as I think you’re imagining this.”  She looked away hoping she hadn’t said the wrong thing.

Mary was disappointed in what her friend had said, but decided not to show it.  “Maybe I did imagine it.  I don’t know anymore”

“Please, love, get some help.  I don’t know what else to say,” Susan answered uncomfortably.  “But we’re all here for you.  The girls I mean.  Come out with us one night.  You don’t seem to come out as much anymore.”

“I don’t have much time on my hands,” she replied a little disheartened.  If the truth be told she had too much time on her hands.  When her son was alive she lived everyday for him.  She missed it so much.

Susan brushed a hand through her long dark hair, before saying, “This Saturday we’re all heading to the new nightclub.  Mary, for god sake come with us.  You need a night out.”

His face appeared to her and she just wanted him back.  “Okay, I’ll come,” was all she said, knowing it was a bad idea.

Susan looked pleased by that response.  “Thank god for that.”

Mary smiled.  Deep down she was in turmoil.

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The music was very loud.  The nightclub was packed.  The five of them stood at the bar, drinks in hands.  Mary took a sip.  It tasted nice.  This was the first proper session she’d had for some weeks.  She was only on her second drink but she was already beginning to feel a little drunk.  That night she had decided to make an effort.  She wore a lovely dark blue dress which she’d recently bought in the sales from one of the posher shops.  Mary felt like a teenager again on her first date.

Someone whispered in her ear.  It was Susan.  “I told you, Mary.  This place is brilliant.”

Mary giggled, then answered, “Yes, I did need a night out.  Being stuck indoors all of the time isn’t healthy.  Thank you, Susan.”  The other girls with her had seen a group of young men close by.

One of the girl’s whose name was Caroline started laughing, and putting a hand on Mary’s shoulder, said, “Look, there’s one for you over there, sweetheart.”

Mary wasn’t interested.  It would be a very long time until she was ready for a relationship with anyone.  “You go, Caroline.  He looks more your type than mine.”

With that Caroline ran to the group of men pulling one of the girl’s with her.

“Don’t worry, love.  I’m here so you don’t need to worry about anything,” said Susan.

Mary gave her best friend a nudge, before answering, “I know you are.  Thank you.”

From some distance away she saw a man who stood out from the rest.  He was quite handsome.  His taste in clothes were of the highest order.  Then alarm bells rang in her head.  She swiftly threw the rest of the drink down her neck and waiting patiently for the barman to see her, she ordered another.  

“Are you okay?” asked Susan, placing a hand on Mary’s shoulder.  “Look, if you’ve had enough that’s fine.  I know what you’ve been through is horrible.  I don’t expect you to bounce back straightaway.”

Mary didn’t know how she felt.  “My emotions are all over the place at the moment,” she replied.  “But I came out tonight to forget.”  She picked up the glass and took a huge mouthful.  She peered back at Susan, and said meaning every word, “Come on, let’s have a cracking time.”

Susan seemed delighted by this, “Go, girl.  At long last I can see the old Mary coming back.  let’s go for a dance.”

The two women then joined the others on the dance floor.  And before long there were men everywhere trying to chat them up.  

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It was now 2.39 in the morning and Mary was drunker than she’d ever known.  Her friends thought it was hilarious as she staggered around.  She sat down her brain spinning.

“Oh my god,” she kept saying.  “I think I drunk too many vodkas.”

Susan joined her with a smile on her face.  “At least you’re enjoying yourself.  And I think there is a man who has had his eye on you most of the night.”  She pointed towards where the person stood.

Mary glanced up and saw that it was the man from earlier.  The one she’d found attractive.  “Oh, I remember him,” she slurred.  “He’s lovely.”

Susan ushered him over.  He took a seat and a grin came across his face the moment he saw Mary.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” he said rubbing his chin.  “Because you seem familiar.”

My god he was good looking, she thought.  But I can’t.  “I don’t recognise you.  Or I don’t think I do,” she answered, gazing into his blue eyes.  She couldn’t help herself.  Was it the drink making her act like this?

He put his hand on her hand.  “You don’t need to be scared of me.  I won’t hurt you.”

He did seem genuine which surprised her.  “Okay,” she said while laughing.  “For a second there I wasn’t sure.”  He had the most lovely eyes.  She was transfixed by them. “Maybe you’re worth getting to know.”

Then she saw Susan leaving the table while she giggled.

For the first time in a long time Mary felt happy again.

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Dead on 4 everyone left the club.  Most were drunk as they staggered down the road heading towards the taxi place.  Mary was lucky as she lived 20 minutes away.  She knew she’d feel rubbish tomorrow, but she didn’t care.  The man who she’d met in the club stood beside her.  Susan and the other girls said their goodbyes, before jumping into a taxi which they’d ordered earlier.  She was now on her own with a man she didn’t know that well.  She was nervous while she gazed into his eyes.  

He looked back, a slight smile on his face, and brushing a hand through his hair, said calmly, “You don’t need to fear me, Mary.  I would never harm a single hair on your lovely head.”

She didn’t know what to do.  This was unplanned.  Please, Mary, sort your head out.  Make a decision for once in your miserable life.

Without warning he grabbed hold of her and kissed her on the lips.

Realising what had happened she pushed him away.  Something wasn’t right.  Then she thought back to James which surprised her immensely.  She gave him a quick glance, not knowing how he would react.  His hands were in his trouser pockets.  He peered down at the ground seeming a little upset.  Mary needed to say something, as she felt bad, “I’m so sorry.”

He looked at her, before replying, “That’s okay.  You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“It’s not you,” she said.  “Really, if anything you’ve been brilliant.  You’re a gentleman who deserves better.”

“Look,” he said, “If you’re ready at some point to see me even as a friend, because I like you very much, here is my card.  Ring it anytime.”  He handed it to her.

Mary put it in her coat pocket.  “Thank you for understanding.”

“That’s a point.  How are you getting home?” he asked looking concerned.

Mary laughed, knowing the walk home would sober her up.  “I live close by.  But thanks, that means a lot.”

“So you’ll be okay?”

“Yes,” she answered, “I’ll be absolutely fine.  Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, dear Mary.  I’ll look forward to hearing from you.”  With that he left.

Mary was now on her own.  “I’m such an idiot,” she said quietly to herself.  She made her way down the road just wanting to get into bed.  It had been a long night but she’d survived it.  All of a sudden she didn’t feel right and her head spun.  What was wrong with her?  She kneeled down on the path and started being sick.  What a terrible feeling.  A few minutes later she began to feel better.  “If my son could see me now he would be so ashamed.”  She began to cry uncontrollably.  “I’m so sorry, my darling Jason.  I’ve let you down.  If only things could’ve turned out differently”

And through her tears came a little boy just a short distance away.  Even though he stood in shadows Mary could see that he was wearing the same clothes that her son wore the day he died.

“Jason, is that you?”

The boy giggled before running up the darkened road.

Mary picked herself up from the cold concrete.  “Wait for me,” she shouted.  He was nearly at the end of the street, but running as fast as she could Mary followed the child.  She was closing in on him when all of a sudden he vanished down an alley which was just beside the old church.  You aren’t getting away from me that easy, she thought with utter determination.  When she’d reached the alley she noticed tall willows surrounding the building.  Apart from a lamplight halfway down the narrow path she now stood in darkness. “Where are you, Jason?” she muttered, realising he couldn’t be seen anywhere.  Sadness consumed her.

“I’m here,” came a voice that was familiar.

She turned back to the little path and standing under the light was the boy.  He waved at her.  She saw his face while he smiled.  Tears of joy ran down her cheeks.

He looked away from her.  Then began to run to the other end of the walkway away from her.

“Don’t be scared, baby.  It’s me,” Mary cried out.  She made her way down quickly not wanting to lose him again.  Her heart raced with pure adrenaline.  Mary wasn’t ready to let him go.  If only for one last time she wanted to put two loving arms around him and tell him that everything was going to be fine.

Her legs ached but she carried on until she found herself on a road which she didn’t find familiar.  There were houses eitherside with big gardens.  Jason could be seen while he stopped in front of one of the houses.  Looking back only once he giggled.  He walked up the stony drive whistling a tune before vanishing through the closed front door.

Mary gasped.  Why there?  She needed to know.  Even though she was out of breath she proceeded with caution towards the place.  Slowly she walked up the drive.  A few inches from the entrance she rang the bell not knowing what to expect.  The door opened and she couldn’t believe who stood there.

“He told me you was coming,” said James wiping his eyes with a tissue.

Mary was totally shocked, and replied, “What are you talking about?”

James seemed very upset.  “He came to me in my dreams.  He told me about tonight and how you would turn up out of the blue.”

Mary put a hand to her mouth.  “But you didn’t believe me about the message, and how I would see him in the house.  Why didn’t you believe me, James?”

James took a couple of steps back and sitting on the hallway floor placed his head in his hands, before saying, “Because I was petrified.  The same morning you found the note there was one waiting for me here.  At the time I didn’t know how to deal with it.  I’m so sorry, Mary.  For the second time in only a few months I’ve let you down.”

Mary needed to know.  “So, what did the note say?”

He replied with regret, “All it said was, Daddy still loves mummy.”

The ceiling light flickered.

“But why?” she asked.  “What aren’t you telling me, James?”

He looked uncomfortable, but after some moments he glanced up at her, before answering, “I can’t stop thinking about you, Mary.  I miss you so much it’s killing me.”

She walked over to him and got on her knees, brushing her hand through his dark hair, she half-smiled.  “You’re so silly at times.  And I do miss you as well.”  She kissed him tenderly on the forehead.

James peered up at her.  “You’re so beautiful.”

She put her arms around him.  For the rest of the night both sat on the floor.  Not a single word was spoken, but their thoughts were with their son who they would miss very much.

From the top of the stairs the little boy watched them.  “I love you, mum and dad,” he said softly, knowing he didn’t have much time left.  Moments later a light came to take him away.

                                                                  The End

Reviews

[Marie]

Very good. the last line was so touching...
You portrayed Mary and her loss beautifully, as she went through all those emotions. ANd I like the way you illustrated this with one of your own drawings.
The only fault I have to find is the same thing you keep doing in your stories, weakening active sentences with unneeded adverbs.
People were seen standing over him with shocked looks on their faces. (Eliminate the "seen".)

A voice was heard shouting with utter glee, “Mummy, mummy, please don’t leave me again.” (Dliminate the "heard".)

[steve]

Thank you, Marie. And yes, you're right. Take certain words out to strengthen a sentence, I will do my best to check this. And thanks again for reading this, it means a lot.

[Trinity Essex]

I loved the story thought it was very moving Steve,it drew me in and it was thought provoking.

[steve]

Thank you, Marguerite. Bless you for reading it. xx

[Trinity Essex]

Your Welcome Steve I just wanted to say what i thought..