A Shocking Discovery

A woman has a terrifying experience while walking home one night.

                                                      A Shocking Discovery

The room was brightly lit and the television for once had not been turned on.  Two young women sat on the comfy sofa with a cup of tea in their hands.

One smiled at the other, and said, “Thanks for coming over tonight, Maggie.”

Maggie giggled, then took a sip of tea.  “Well, us girls should stick together.  Especially with what’s going on at the moment.”

Janice replied a little nervously, “I know.  It’s shocking.”

“I just wish they would catch the culprit, before he does it to other women,” said Maggie.

She wasn’t looking forward to the walk home.  It was dark and there was a nutcase on the loose.  The only reason she was here was because her friend had recently separated from her boyfriend, and begged Maggie to come over and keep her company.  

The journey here had not been too bad, as she had left her house while it was still daylight.

Maggie checked her watch.  The time was 8.17pm.

It was too early to head home.

“Are you okay?” Janice asked, concern in her eyes.

Maggie peered up at her a little sheepishly, then answered, “I’m just not looking forward to walking home later.  With that weirdo about, doing what he’s doing, it makes me feel unsafe.”

Janice then had a great idea.  

“Stay the night?”

Maggie knew she couldn’t, because she had work in the morning, also her boyfriend expected her home. 

“I would if I didn’t have to go to work tomorrow,” she replied.

Janice looked slightly disappointed, and said, “Well, it’s up to you.  At least I offered.”

“Yes you did, and I’m extremely grateful for that.”

………………………………................................................................................................

By 10 o clock it was time to leave.

She put on her coat and picked up her handbag.

It was chilly outside.

For the month of January the weather had not been too bad.  Snow had not yet arrived, and she was thankful for this.

“I will see you in a couple of days,” she said, while she made her way to the entrance of the house.

Janice unlocked the door, then opened it for her friend.  “Have a safe journey home,” said she.

“Hopefully, I will.  And I’ll see you later, Janice.”

They waved at each other.  The door closed.

She opened the small gate at the front of the garden and proceeded onto the street.

She was now on her own, with a daunting trip ahead of her.

Apart from the lights in the windows, everywhere was dark.  

Some distance away she could see a street lamp, and headed towards it as it was in the direction of where she lived.

It was a 15 minute walk.

Maggie stuck her hands in her coat pockets while she hummed a tune quietly.  

It helped to take her mind off the fact that she was in a very vulnerable position.

In the last three months two women had been brutally raped only a couple of miles from here.  From what the victims said afterwards, he always wore a balaclava to conceal his identity.

She shuddered with the thought.

The bright light was now above her.  She crossed the road and made her way down an alley, which was a shortcut to her home.  

It was pitch black and she felt her heart rate getting quicker.

There was dustbins either side, and she done her best not to walk into them.

“Why did I come,” she said, not enjoying herself one bit.

Suddenly she was grabbed from behind, but before she could scream a big hand covered her mouth.  She felt herself being dragged.  Then flung to the ground.  She looked up absolutely terrified.  The man stood over her.

Maggie noticed he wore a balaclava.

A nearby gate all of a sudden opened and a cat flew up the alley.  Light flooded the walkway.

She could see his eyes, and noticed a small scar close to his mouth.

She froze.

His eyes widened.  He looked surprised.  He muttered something under his breath.   Then he fled, vanishing into the night.

In time Maggie got back up on her feet.  She felt a little dizzy.  She rested a hand on the wall to steady herself.

She couldn’t believe it.

She felt sick.

Carefully she made her way home.

………………………………................................................................................................

Two days later.

She hadn’t told a soul of what had happened to her.  She had thought long and hard about going to the police.

She hadn’t been to work, saying she was ill.

At this moment in time she couldn’t face anyone.

The sick taste in her mouth was hard to get rid of.

1.30 pm there was a knock at the door.

Maggie got up from the sofa and made her way to the entrance.

She opened it reluctantly.

Janice’s brother stood there with a smile on his face.

His name was Robert.

“Hello, Maggie,” said he.

“Have you visited your sister lately?” asked Maggie.

He gave her an uncomfortable look, before saying, “Not recently.  Why?”

She peered into his eyes, searching for the truth.

“Well, she thinks you might have a girlfriend, as you have been acting strange the last two months.”

Robert half laughed, “Sounds like my sister.  Always sticking her nose into my business.”

She let him in.  Both walked into the living room.

Robert sat down on the sofa.  He had a troubled look on his face.

“So, what can I do for you?” she said, while she sat in the chair opposite.

He began to scratch the side of his face, then answered, “Have you seen my sister in the last couple of days?  As I’m worried about her, since the split I mean.”

She then said, giving him a stare, “Don’t scratch your face, Robert.  How do you think you got that little scar in the first place.  The one which is near to your mouth.”

His eyes widened.

Then he replied, “I didn’t even realise you had ever noticed it.”

“I notice a lot of things.  And I need to ask you something.”

“Fire away,” said Robert.

Maggie placed both her hands on her forehead and peered towards the floor.  Then she looked back up at him, and in a very serious tone, she said, “Why did you do it, Robert?”

He replied, “Do what?”

She was now in a standing position, and shouted, “Why did you rape those women?”

Robert became angry.

“What are you talking about, Maggie?” yelled he.

He got up from the sofa and headed for the doorway.

Maggie then said, “I knew it was you.  It was your eyes and that bloody scar which gave it away.”

He stopped and turned in her direction.

“So, what are you going to do about it?” asked he.

Maggie shook her head in disgust.  “What made you do it?  For god sake I’ve known you since school.  I just can’t believe you would do something like this.”

Robert came closer.  His face calm.  

“If you want me to I will get help.  But please don’t break my sister’s heart.  If she found out, it would destroy her,” he pleaded.

“How can I keep quiet about this, you’ve destroyed two women’s lives.”

Robert started to cry.  “I know what I have done is wrong.  Please, don’t break Janice’s heart.  I promise, it will stop.  I’ll get counselling, anything.”

He sat on the sofa.  His face buried in his hands.  He sobbed like a baby.

Maggie placed a hand on her forehead.

She didn’t expect him to act like this.  It had surprised her.  She hated to admit it, but if she did go to the police and tell them everything she knew, then her best friend would be devastated.

She needed to make a decision.  It was hard.  The thought of being raped by anyone was very distressing indeed, so why should she lie for this b*****d.

After a while Robert just sat there.  He glanced up at her, waiting for a response.

Finally, she said, “Could you please leave, Robert.  I have a lot of thinking to do.”

He stood up, looking her way.  “Just think of my sister, and how this would destroy her, Maggie.”

He left.

She heard the door close, and sat there for hours.

Maggie wished that at the age of twenty one she didn’t have such grave decisions to make.

………………………………................................................................................................

Four more days had gone by.

Maggie had returned to work.  She needed to get out of the house and experience some normality.

The thought of hurting her best friend had stopped her from going to the police.  

She still didn’t know what to do.

………………………………................................................................................................

Some weeks later and there had been no more attacks.

She still had a bad feeling that this wouldn’t last.  Everyday she would read the newspapers or watch the news on TV.  

It had become a strange obsession.

Janice rung her one Saturday afternoon, requesting her company.

Maggie felt a chill as it ran down her.

She agreed to meet her, even though she felt uncomfortable about it.

………………………………................................................................................................

Both sat in the back garden as the weather was pleasant.

Janice gave her an inquisitive look, before saying, “Where have you been lately, Maggie?”

Maggie glanced up at her, and answered, “I’ve been very busy.  That’s all.”

Janice now looked at her suspiciously, then said, “Something’s wrong.  I can tell.  So, what’s worrying you?”

“Nothing,” laughed Maggie.

Janice sighed.  

“Just tell me, dear Maggie..  I’ve known you since we were children.”

Maggie had to think of anything, and replied, “Me and my boyfriend aren’t getting on as well.”

Actually this was true.  Lately her behaviour had become more erratic, and in the last few weeks they had argued a lot more.

Janice put a hand softly on Maggie’s shoulder.

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” she said.

Maggie smiled.  “Thanks.  But honestly, I’m okay.  So, no need to worry.”

Janice cuddled her, then answered, “You’re my best friend, so I do worry.”

Maggie peered up at Janice, and saw something which unnerved her.  By the gate at the end of the garden she saw someone.  Then with utter horror realised it was Robert.

What the hell was he doing here?

Janice noticed a change in Maggie, and said, “Are you okay?”

Before Maggie could answer, Robert approached them with a friendly smile.

Then said cheerfully, “Hello, Maggie.  What brings you here on this lovely afternoon?”

She felt sick.  The thought of what he’d done tormented her.  She needed to getaway from him.

She got up from the chair, “I have to go.  I’m so sorry.”

She felt a strong hand on her shoulder, and peering up she saw Robert staring back with unemotional eyes.

“Leaving so soon,” said he coldly.

Janice stood up, confusion on her face.  

“What’s wrong, Maggie?” she asked.

Maggie didn’t answer

She reached the gate.  Once she had opened it she ran down the street crying.

………………………………................................................................................................

The television was off.  Shadows covered the room.

Her boyfriend had left for good about a week ago.

She hadn’t seen Janice for about a month.  

The phone would ring, and she chose to ignore it.

Maggie had trouble concentrating on anything.  At times she would feel so depressed.

The only thing which did help was going to work as it took her mind off things.

……………………………….......................................................................................

One year later.

Maggie couldn’t remember who told her, but there was a rumour that Robert had met someone and was deeply in love.

The moment she heard this, she ran to the toilets and puked several times.

Her brain spun.  Was she losing her mind?

She missed Janice with all her heart, and she hated him so much.

………………………………................................................................................................

She hadn’t seen her friend for at least five years.

The pills that the doctor had gave her helped greatly.

Sometimes the dreams she would have would be unbearable.  

Maggie felt unhappy at times, and it was all down to that b*****d.

She cried many times, and she loathed the person she was becoming.

………………………………................................................................................................

One day while watching the news, the sick feeling came over her once again.

A woman had been raped.  The thing which horrified her the most was, it had happened only five miles away.  

She peered over at the bottle of pills.  She had had enough of feeling like complete s**t.

“Please, don’t let it be you,” was all she said.

She walked to the table and picked up the bottle.  Then proceeded towards the bedroom for the last time.

………………………………................................................................................................

Janice and Robert stood by the grave.  

That day the weather was mild and the sun shone brightly.

Janice was clearly upset, and said, “Why didn’t she tell me that something was wrong.  For many nights I cried thinking of her, and how I could help.  She ignored my calls, and now I feel terrible, like I have let her down in someway.  For god sake, Robert.  What could I have done?”

Robert looked at her with thoughtful eyes, and replied, “Life is unfair, my darling sister.  And to think she did this without considering other people’s feelings just proves how selfish she actually was.”

“What a horrible thing to say about my closest friend,” she said angrily.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t of said that.  I liked Maggie a great deal.  But as I said before, she should have come to us.  I feel let down that she didn’t.  That’s all.”

Janice wiped her eyes, then said, “I know what you mean.  If only.”

                                                              The End

Reviews

[Trigorin]

Very good concept, but your execution is a little spotty. You've got this habit of putting your description into these short little sentences with no editorializing, which is good to underscore traumatic events, but I feel like it doesn't exactly work for the entire thing - you should feel free to be able to write with verve and wit, and this habit of yours undercuts that a little on everything but the dialogue.
There's also a lot of foreshadowing in the beginning, perhaps even too much. I feel like the story would work even better if you took out all mention of the psycho being on the loose, since the mention of it makes the reader obviously know what the story is going to be about, or at least they can guess.
Other than those little things, you've written a really great story here. Well done.

[steve]

Thanks for reading it. Next time I will try something different.

[Marie]

Your short sentences are part of your writing style. I think they work all right. I didn't understand in the beginning, why Maggie, kowing there was a killer on the loose, choose to walk home alone and through an alley. Also why she didn't report being acosted by this man in the alleyway. The normal thing for he to have done was to tell the police about Robert, but she seems to have been a difficult, complicated person.
I caught this:
"Janet placed both her hands on her forehead and peered towards the floor." You mean Maggie instead of Janet.

[steve]

Thanks again, Marie. I didn't even realise the Janet thing. What an idiot. Yes, I agree, Maggie was complicated.

[Enid Blake]

What a sad tale and what a dilemna for poor tortured Maggie. How different the outcome could've been... chilling.

[steve]

Thank you!!