White Knuckles

When you need to let go...

It was a long, exciting, harrowing journey
Day to day and year after year
Yet somewhere along the way
In a place where the trees dispersed
Letting sunlight invade our peaceful shade
We began to fracture.

For the better part of a year
We traveled together
Hand in hand and side by side
Protected from the world by one another
Fingers interlocked, hearts as one
Wrapped up in the journey without seeing the destination

Suddenly I was driving alone
Hand dead in my lap and not wrapped around yours
Longing for the warmth of your skin
Craving the sound of your voice
Knowing that for the next few years
Your seat would remain vacant

Driving along separately, the storms came
Drizzles at first that soon became hurricanes
Trying to keep my windshield clear
Refueling every hundred miles
I lost track long ago
Of what caused the torrential weather

Eventually I lost my strength
Swerving off the endless highway
Tending to my wounds in a ditch
I watched blood from my heart stain my white knuckles
And felt hot tears burn a trail down my face
All the while wondering if you had survived the impact

You still want to get back in the car
Every time we talk I hear the longing
The desperation to travel together again
Holding hands, catching smiles out of the corner of our eyes
I can tell your knuckles are white too
Clinging onto a journey that was long ago completed

It still breaks my heart to drive alone
To see a memory of you hanging from my mirror
To know I won't be in your arms again
To have the will to stay out of the car
And you will mend your heart
If you just loosen your grip.

Author's Note

My 2 1/2 year relationship recently ended. I know the wording here isn't perfect, but this is the first thing I've written in a while and it felt incredible.

Reviews

[barricade]

This was heart breaking...could feel each word...the pain...the blood...the loneliness...

[Tree]

Beautiful and painful, in all its honesty. Each one of your stanzas a rendition of true, and simple expression. No poetic dramatics, just heart. I felt
this

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Even some of the best relationships do not last but it doesn't take away from how valuable the time was to us... a very emotionally deep poem... I say it is perfect cause it is your feelings in raw form.