Disbelief

 

Disbelief

 

It wasn’t so much what was said

or how they said it,

not so much what it sounded like

or what went up from my toes to my head

in a second.

It wasn’t the seemingly nonchalant,

I don’t care,

sort of attitude that made me squirm,

that made it hurt,

not so much how I felt then or how I am

now.

 

No, it wasn’t much of that at all, in fact,

it was what happened in my mouth,

my throat,

that taste and the shudder and the flood in my brain,

realizing it was all over,

no going back,

not getting back,

and all the seconds, hours, minutes, and words,

reliving what I did, how I did,

but it wasn’t so much what was said or how the words

came from their mouths. No, it was much more than that.

 

It was loosing yourself in a maze, crying until your eyes were dry, feeling that

aching ache in your chest spread like poison.

It was betrayal, it was fraud, it was everything and

all of the above. More a thought than a feeling, more a taste than

a word. More of nothing and everything that

I found myself with.

A little less guilt, a little more shame.

A little more oh no.

Reviews

[C.R. Moore "Lasla"]

Indeed extremely well written ,A hard emotion to describe excellent imagery and flow within the lines.
The display of emotion in written form is great look froward to reading more of your work.
Have a great day!


Lasla

[Titus McGuire]

Extremely well written. I've experienced this feeling before, though I don't think I could ever have put it into words, well, not have written it as well as you have managed to anyways. You have a real gift of portraying emotions quite well, and using words in your favor to descibe what almost seems undescribable. Bravissimi.

[Dionysus Cain]

really good, i felt like i was you for a second, very real , i have to say you should keep writing, you'll just get better, id love to read anything else you might have.