The Great Hall of Funniness, part one

This is the adult version of the story I wrote as a child.

        "Grandpa, I'm scared. My execution has been set for 3 p.m. tomarrow. Can you tell me one last story?"

        "Well, I hope this can bring some comfort to you. This is a story passed on through several generations of our

family. It's called the "Great Hall of Funniness."

        "What's that?"

        "It's a place where the insane go when they die, to laugh and frolic."

        "Tell me more," Rick said, his eyes lighting up.

        "Well, there are 7 different zones, known as sectors, each more bizarre than the rest," Rick's grandfather

replied, tugging at his beard. "Instead of living in houses, people have apartments inside of asylums. Your great-

great-great grandmother said that the Loonarie Sanitarium was quite nice."

        "Wow, really?!" Rick gasped, his eyes were as wide as dinner plates.

        "Let's see," his grandfather said, with a far away look in his eyes. "Your great-great-great grandmother, Brenda

mentioned some strange plants. She stumbled upon a protoplasmic looking garden, that she described as amorphous.

It had coral-like plants, and trees that resembled snail horns.

        "Brenda was the first person to discover the balloon crops. The soil around this area reminded her of sawdust-"

        "What? People eat balloons? Oh, gross! Rick gasped, and made a face.

        "Just let me continue," his grandfather said, with a wink. "Some are flavored like peaches, others taste like

watermelon, rye, wheat, sausage, and even pork chops."

        "Did I tell you about the town of Cottasc?"

        Rick shook his head.

        "Well, it's a town full of deformed birds, that your great uncle found, when he was bird watching. Some are

humpbacked, and others only have one wing."

        "That's creepy," Rick retorted.

        "The forests around the area have been modified to support the needs of mental patients. For instance, the

trees are made out of rubber in the Frivy Forest, because many of them have a bad habit of banging their head.

(Unfortunately, the fruit from these trees are tasteless) In the Klepto Forest, the trees are made out of cardboard,

so nobody gets tempted to steal them," his grandfather chuckled.

        "Grandpa, have you been drinking?" Rick giggled.

        His grandfather gave him a wicked smile. "Even in the land of lunacy, you still need religion. Do you know how

they go about it?"

        "How, grandpa?" Rick inquired, with a wide grin.

        "Well, the insane cannot be ordained, obviously, so in the town of Crookxi, they have created their own version.

These automated humanoids, made of wax, were assembled to perform church services. Some of the more evil

creations, perform plague carnivals, whenever there is an outbreak."

        "You never have to go far to find food. My favorite place is the Vegetable Sea. Boy, that makes me hungry. The

Bubdafma Rivers provide many delicacies. There is a boiling river of broth, a river of milk, and a river of wine. The

Bubdafma Mountains spew ravioli, and butter, from time to time."

        "In Glouserbedetown, the buildings are made of fruit, and it is populated by edible mannequins."

        "Grandpa, that's bogus," Rick retorted.

        "Did you ever hear of the town of Mayas?"

        "Do you mean, like the Mayans?" Rick inquired.

        "Not exactly," his grandfather said. "There are creatures that are half human, and half musical instruments."

        "Grandpa, you've been watching too many Disney movies," Rick said, rolling his eyes.

        "There are some scary places. Your great uncle told me about the Orchard of Goab. He was doing some

landscaping, when he bumped into some man-eating plants."

        "You had a distant cousin, named Harry, who used to work as a lumberjack. One day, he wandered into the

Mayas Forest. He was chopping down a tree, when he noticed that some of the trees, were walking around, and

talking. They began to surround him. Harry became distracted, and the tree fell on him; killing him instantly."

        "Whoa," Rick gasped.

        "Did I ever tell you about the towns of Comcul, and Kanial?"

        Rick shook his head.

        "Well, the sound of Comcul, is a frightening place, indeed. It is inhabited by Cyclops, cannibals, headless people

with eyes in their shoulders, noseless, and mouthless people, and mouthless dwarves who eat, through a hole in

their head."

        "Cool, and freaky," Rick gasped.

        "In the town of Kanial, women have worms in their tongues."