Zombies of Chernobyl, chapter four

This is a continuation of my Zombies of Chernobyl series.

        Francis noticed an electric fence nearby. There was a sign that warned of danger, next to it. He crawled through a

gap in the fence, without injury. It appeared that the fence no longer held a charge. Francis figured that he was screwed anyways, from all the toxic vapors he had inhaled. He had already developed a violent cough.

       Francis almost stepped into a strange body of water. The liquid was black, and it appeared to be made up of a tar-

like substance. He noticed another body of water nearby. Steam rose from the bubbling green surface. "I bet that water

is poisonous," Francis thought to himself. It reminded him of the liquid inside a witch's cauldron, and it smelled like

rotten eggs.

       Francis saw a zombie become incinerated, after walking into an acidic lake.

       As Francis walked further into the smoldering city, he noticed a river of fire, and a river made up of a cold vapor-

like substance.

       As he approached the uranium mines, he noticed that the bodies of water nearby seemed to be electrified.

       Francis saw the strangest thing that he had ever encountered in his life. There was a body of water that resembled

gravel!

       Francis trembled as he saw zombies fishing body parts out of a boiling swamp. "That swamp must be full of disease," Francis thought to himself.

       Francis found a body of water that appeared normal. He splashed the liquid over his face, and it burned like fire!

       Francis gasped as he saw a stream of blood, with body parts floating in it.

Reviews

[Justin.W.]

i like the ideas you have. but it seems a bit choppy. It could use some better flow to it. One way i think is that you can not use the characters name so much in every sentence which might help a bit. but other than that the detail is great, i get a good picture of the area. except for the part where "he noticed that the bodies of water nearby seemed to be electrified. why does he get that idea, what does he see that makes him think that, or know that.

[Stephanie M]

thanks for your insight