Debbie, The "Psycho" Therapist

This is a story making fun of talk radio. T.V. and radio stations will go to great lengths to keep their ratings up. Sometimes they even go as far as exploiting their listeners.

        Debbie, a mentally unstable woman, moved into the Irish Towers Apartments, and within months became popular

(with the men as well as the women) Although she did annoy people by following around the landlord, calling his

wife in the middle of the night, claiming that the neighborhood children were destroying her property (which she was

breaking herself), flirting with her neighbor's husbands, and claiming that people were following her, people around

the neighborhood still came to her for advice. They came to her for advice on such issues as what to do about a

utility disconnections, how to handle depression, and even what to do if you suspect someone of child abuse.

        Debbie soon got a job at WNUT, a talk radio station. She became the host of a self-help radio show called "Issues

With Debbie."

        On her first broadcast, a woman named Elise, from Mansfield, Ohio, called in. "Therapist Debbie, I've been

struggling with depression for quite a while now. I'm not sure what to do. I just can't seem to feel better."

        "Well, Elise, always remember, that a stick of butter, is worth ten gold!"

        "I'm not sure I understand..."

        "Thanks for calling, Elise."

         On her second broadcast, Laura, from Peninsula, Ohio, called in. "I just got a disconnection notice. If I don't

come up with 67$ in two weeks, my utilities will be shut off! I don't know what to do."

         "Well, Laura, unfortunately, you cannot plant a drawer in the sky."

         "What are you talking about?"

         "Thanks for calling Laura."

          On her third broadcast, Linda, from Elizabethtown, Tennessee, called in. "I think my husband is cheating on me."

          "Well, Linda, honey, look on the positive side. A snail in the blue dress, is worth nine."

          "Why are you mocking me?"

          "Thanks for calling, Linda."

          On the fourth broadcast, Amy from Newark, New Jersey, called in. "I think the neighbor down the street is

abusing her children. I've seen signs of bruising on their back, and neck. What should I do?"

          "Just three boots, for nine owls."

          "How can you make fun of such a serious issue?

          "Thanks for calling, Amy."

          On the fifth broadcast, Janice of Baltimore, Maryland, called in. "I think my teenage son hates me. He is

always angry, refuses to clean his room, and spews obscenities at me. What do you recommend?"

          "Well, Janice, a devil in the bush, is worth eleven brushes."

          "What's that supposed to mean?"

          "Thanks for calling, Janice."

          On the sixth broadcast, Ed of Wheeling, West Virginia, called in. "I've put on all this weight since my wife left

me, and I feel horrible about myself. What do you recommend?"

          "Three pink slippers ran down the street."

          "Is that a riddle?"

          "Thanks for calling, Ed."

          On the seventh broadcast, Paul of Fairfax, Virginia, called in. "I need your advice, Therapist Debbie. I am a

rather good-looking guy, I have a good personality, and a stable job, but I still can't get a date. What am I doing

wrong?"

          "Always bake a cake for Sally, two times."

          "Do you think pastries are the answer? Wait a minute, are you making fun of me?"

          "Thanks for calling, Paul."

          On the eighth broadcast, Peter, of Doylestown, Ohio, called in. "My wife just left me, and I'm going to commit

suicide tonight. Give me one reason why I shouldn't!"

          "Please, save time in a pink limo."

          "You're not making sense!"

          "Thanks for calling, Peter."

          On the ninth broadcast, Julie, of Death Valley, California, called in. "I think I'm fat, and ugly. I can't even

stand to look at myself in the mirror! Therapist Debbie, how can I feel better about myself?"

          "Just expose your winning smile."

          "What?!"

          "Thanks for calling, Julie."

          On the tenth broadcast, Renee of Portland, Oregon, called in. "I am thousands of dollars in debt, and I need

to file for bankruptcy. I'm scared. How is this going to affect my life?"

          "It's just solidarity within seven toes."

          "Huh?!"

          "Thanks for calling, Renee."

          On the eleventh broadcast, Sapphire of Atlanta, Georgia, called in. "I think I have a shopping addiction. My

account is constantly overdrawn by 70$, or more. What do you think I should do?"

          "Get two pickles, and nine guns."

          "What the hell do I need pickles, and guns for? What do you think I am? A trigger-happy pregnant women?"

          "Thanks for calling, Sapphire."

          On the 12th broadcast, Joyce, of Toledo, Ohio, called in. "I'm an emotional eater. I eat when I'm sad, anxious,

bored, etc. I always reach for junk food. What do you recommend I do?"

          "Well, Joyce, there's twelve ears in my soup."

          "What are you, some kind of cannibal, you freak?!"

          "Thanks for calling, Joyce."

           Two weeks later, Dr. Stevenson, a psychologist from Laurel University, called in to complain. "We've got to

get this nutcase off the air. She's not helping anyone. She's just confusing people."

           Shortly after, Dr. Petersen, a psychiatrist from Hodgekiss University, called in to complain. "These people

are in need of advice, and this women is spewing nonsense. I think it's obscene that this station is keeping this show

on the air."

           However, the show was never cancelled. The radio station responded by stating that their ratings have never

been higher.

         

    

Reviews

[A.Tarek]

I was laughing from halfway even there were times, I didn't understand that woman.. but still refreshing
Thank you for sharing such a story

[crowcapital]

I liked the story. I hoped for a twist at the end, but ending it the way you did works just fine. The connection to the real world adds a nice touch. I really liked it. Thaks for sharing.

[Stephanie M]

Thanks for your insight.

[Jack Kennedy]

Very interesting story and clever crazy character! I found this funny and well told :)

[Stephanie M]

thanks for your insight

[Jack Kennedy]

You're welcome :)