Hag Pageant of Mnemonica

This is a story about a beauty pageant for ugly people.

        Welcome to the Hag Pageant of 2012. Planet Mnemonica is proud to support our ugliest women. We feel that

the less attractive people of the world, are not appreciated the way they should be. Don't you realize that the

dorky, fat, and homily people, happen to be the most intelligent, and the ones with the best personality. Now don't

get me wrong, although we hold the Hag Pageant once a year; we did not forget about the beautiful people! We

hold a skank pageant once a year.

        Our participants are not only judged by their hideousness, but also their talent, and dreams for the future.

        Our first entry is Ms. Asin.  She is a 39 year old cannibal from Alsea. She will be singing us one of the songs

she uses to lure children. Her dreams for the future, are to keep unwary children from wandering into dangerous

territory.

        Our second entry is Mrs. Baba Yaga, a 51 year old hag who rides through the air in an iron kettle, with a fiery

broom. She lives in a house held up by chicken legs in a forest clearing, with a fence made of skulls, and bones.

Her teeth are made of stone, and knife blades. She controls the flow of milk from the cow, the fall of rain, and the

growth of crops. Her dreams for the future are to create objects that enable heroes and heroines to achieve their

quests.

        Our third entry is Ms. Banshee, a 57 year old fairy woman. She has red hair and a ghastly white face, with red

eyes. She is able to foretell the death of an individual. Her cries are heard upon the death of a family member. Her

dreams for the future are to teach professional mourners.

        Our fourth entry is Mrs. Bercht/Percht, a 71 year old hag with a staff, that lives in the mountains. She gathers

up the souls of miscarried, or unbaptized children, every 6th of January. Her dreams for the future are to punish

those who do not tend their yards, fields, or spinning by bringing plagues on those who are disorderly, or neglectful.

        Our fifth entry is Ms. Empusa, a 202 year old monster, with one leg of brass, and the other of a donkey. She is

human from the waist up. She has the ability to shapeshift into the form of an ox, dog, or mule. Her dreams for the

future are to torment travelers on dark roads who were accused of grave robbing.

        Our sixth entry is Ms. Gwillion, a 266 year old fairy. She is an ancient looking woman, with ash colored

clothing, who wears a cooking pot on her head. She is sometimes said to take the form of a goat. Her talents

include, caring for her herd of goats, and combing their beards, which she does every Wednesday. Her future

plans are to lead as many human beings into the swamps as she can; to drown them.

        Our seventh entry is Mrs. Kojin. She is a 100 year old ogre, with a thousand arms, which she uses to crush her

victims to death. Now let's not upset her, folks! HA HA. Her hobbies include killing and eating children.

        Our last entry of the day is, Ms. Paiga. She is a wild 53 year old female, with black hair all over her body, and

a twisted leg that leaves a distinct trail. She is able to instill great fear into anyone that comes across her. She plans

to capture and eat anyone who makes fun of her.

        Now silence please, while we tally up the votes.

        Drumroll, please!

        Our runner up is Mrs. Baba Yaga, for her dreams for the future! Everyone give her an applause!

        And our first place winner is.............. Ms. Banshee, for her unusual talents. Everyone please applause,

while I place the crown of Medusa upon her head!