Fallen Angel

Just a random thought

Jack holds her, panting from the wound to his stomach. The little girl takes his limp hand, looking into his emerald eyes with fear.

"You be good for mommy," Jack says hoarsely, blood dripping from his lips, "You help her okay?"

  She gives a slight nod, a tear making a clean trail in the layer of dust on her face.

Jack is laying in the corner of a ruined building, attacked by a bomb many years before. He lay just about flat on the ground, his head being held up by the corner. The little girl of eight sits on her knees. Holding Jack's hand, hoping that the fatal wound wont stop him. His eyes begin to close, a cough escapes his lungs, blood shoots out onto his shirt. More blood flows from his mouth.

"Jack please..." she whines. 

"It will all be okay," Jack strokes the top of her head and smiles.

Jack's head falls and the smile remains, empty of life... The little girl shakes his hand, hoping it will bring him back to her. She begins to sob, lunging forward to wrap her arms around her fallen angel's neck...

Reviews

[b.platte]

I love short snippets like this. The reader gets to use their imagination and decided what lead the story here and how it proceeded after this.

It was short and emotional. Good job.

Poor little girl.

[Abbie]

a little more detail and a little longer but still great write

[Rose Tyler]

This could have a lot more detail added, what happened, before/after scenes and whatelse other details. Pretty good but could be better.

[Jūdan FyreHeart]

A very well done scene to capture the imagination and leaves many questions in the reader's mind. For something so short it's well described and gives a great sense of atmosphere.

[Vesa Lee]

Ooh...yes.
Yes I want to know the whole story.
As a stand alone piece, this really sends the mind scrambling to explain the scene that just took place. Who? What? Where? And most importantly, why?
Very entertaining.
And as a potential book? I'm crossing my fingers. :) I'd love to know the events leading up to this point.

[Shley De]

tear* not tearing lol for the sentence "a tearing making a clean trail..."
awww i like it!! What's the girl's name? what's she look like? I bet she's adorable! You def need to write more on this book. I like it :] it'd be cool if you make this the first chapter and then the second goes to the begining lol but anyways, i love this idea :D

[Rose Tyler]

Awww... It's really sad :(
But another good ending to a book. :)