Sun of Ice

this just came to me...it doesn't rhyme...but it makes sense to the right people...

    I feel like i'm standing on a sheer cliff on the coast....

watching the sun set...

but i know it's never going to rise again....

it will rise but it will burn cold....

it will burn with the rath of ice and bitteress...chill...silent...and slowly killing...

    seeing the ball of ice rise....seeing it burn blue....a mist of ice...it over whelms you....now you know there is no escape...only bitterness and sadness...

dull emotions....the pain of hurt...pain of love...pain of compassion....it burns like that of an ice cube stuck to your finger tips...never letting go...

    now you see my sadness....you feel it as i have said it...you pity me correct?...i see it in your vacant eyes....mind vacant of thoughts or comfort words...i tell you don't pity...but live with the knowledge that this maybe you some day...

Reviews

[Abbie]

it just flows its great i love it :)

[GTVile]

Even not being familiar with the circumstances it warrants merit. It makes a clear picture in the reader's mind of what the narrator is talking about, and I really like the metaphor that the whole thing revolves around. One thing though, "wrath" in the fifth line. Beyond that, I like the broken up fragments pasted together in the lines and the climax of the three lines before the last one. Good job.

[Lilly]

I really like this. This poem works really well the way that it is written - free flowing and without rhyme. I love the images too. Lovely work.

I like the contrast between hot and cold.
you know what one of the worst feelings in the world is, for me?
when someone used to care, but now they're bloody indifferent.
then you're left alone feeling like you're the only one still left behind. the only one still feeling.

I like that it doesn't rhyme.

[deeps]

This is amazing, i too love the ending all because it's powerful

[Cherrie Palmer]

powerful ending

[Rose Tyler]

The first time you told me to read this I almost cried. :( It's because I know how you feel (even though we have been through this before... 0.o)
But this is truly a good piece, kiddo. XP