Who Are We Anymore?

I hung up the phone after you fell asleep on me for the thousandth time and sighed heavily. I rolled over to my side and the only question conquering my mind was simply, ‘what happened to us?’. What happened to the butterflies that drove my inside crazy? What happened to the sleepless nights that filled my brain with everlasting movie scenes of our imaginary, perfect future? What happened to the excitement, the novelty, the feeling of cloud 9? Where did any of that go and why the hell was this bed suddenly feeling too big for my body? 


I couldn’t understand what was happening to us. Before I knew it, tears were rolling down my face and I was catching my breath. The butterflies had become replaced with knots, our scenarios with reality, and it was all too familiar. I was afraid to utter the words of what could be happening. I've been down this road before and it was never pleasant but I’ve never been this scared. This afraid of realizing that everything we are was soon to become everything we were.


I got out of bed, poured myself a glass of wine, and drowned down that horror.

“F**k it” I said. You made me feel beautiful once. You’ll do it again.