Freak

I know my self for the freak that I am
Colored brightly with the colors
Of freshly spilled blood
And quiet tears
That you will never see
My mirrors reflect what I want you to see
You’ll never know the freak
Never see the pain
Hidden deeply in the dark recesses
Behind the illusions of rainbows
My brightness is only
A trick of light and shadows
Cast upon the world
With angry fists
You think I am so innocent unknowing
Unaware
But I watch
I am more than you know
I am freak
And you should worry
Look but don’t touch.
Poison drips from honeyed lips
I can be your nightmare
Or your wildest dream
Freak, that’s what I see
It’s what’s me

How desperately I desire
To have you of all people
See me for what I am
Freak        
And love me anyway
But you have your own secrets
Hidden as surely as mine
Maybe you are like me
Maybe it’s you too
Living in the world stained
Like an exsanguinated corpse
Purple blue-green bruises
Torturing your heart
Toxins still sliding from a forked tongue
And you still speak to me as though
I were not the freak and you are
But you know that I am yet unsaid
Freak like you like me
Twisted and broken
Torn by a past too deeply scarred to heal
And if you aren’t like me
Aren’t a freak
Then it’s just me
Conveying onto you this wickedness
That is mine alone.
And I am still me still a freak

I watch as the smoke rises
Encircling the darkest places in my soul
Hiding the freak
Concealing all traces of oddity
Replacing it with
Surrealistic pictures of
Unreality
See the smile of this freak
It’s as counterfeit as I am to all
Who try to come near
Just fairy dust happiness
Illusions
A trick of the smoky shadows
Behind it all
I am still
Freak
Vanity just another show
A mystifying dance to lead you astray
That my insecurity remains
Secreted away in its cavern of vileness
And your accusations mean
Nothing and less
To a freak
Yes I know what I am
And I know who
Freak like me freak like you