Chapter One

 

            I didn't plan on falling head over heels in love when I moved here. I planned on becoming a loner, actually. I would be the new girl and that's all I would be. Putting forth the effort to become more than that was too hard. What with school work and books to stay on top of. It would be a whole new curriculum with whole new teachers and whole new people. Becoming a loner seemed like the easiest thing to do.

            Since I was becoming a loner I decided to take another easy step toward it my goal. I was very pale and had jet black hair, so I went Goth. It would be easier to be ignored and no one would make efforts to be my friend. My days would be spent alone and focusing on school and that's exactly what I needed to happen.

 

            "Are you Kyland?" My first teacher asked me when I walked in the classroom. Everyone in the room looked up at me, so I focused on the teacher.

            "Yes," I replied. I sounded confident. More confident than I felt at that particular moment.

            "Your seat is right over here next to Ashley. Ashley, raise your hand please." The seating was arranged in tables of two. I slid onto the stool and Ashley scooted over. She looked very popular.

            "Now, I know we have midterms next week and we will start reviewing for them tomorrow, but today we are watching a video on the human body," The teacher said.

 

            "How was school?" My mom asked when I closed the front door behind me. I shrugged, put my backpack next to the door, and walked into the kitchen, grabbing a cookie and biting into it.

            "It was okay. They have midterms next week. I figure I just won't go since I already had mine," I said.

            "If the school's fine with you missing those days then I'm fine with it. I'll call tomorrow. Do you like your classes? Do you have any new friends?"

            "My classes are fine. And no, I don't have any friends. I'm not exactly planning on it, either. I think focusing on school and reading is all I need right now, you know?" I took another bite of my cookie and waited for her answer. She sighed and put down the knife she was using to cut celery.

            "Ky, this is high school. How will you feel when you think back about high school and remember it as not having any friends?"

            "I'll feel great because I know that will be the reason I got into an amazing college and made good money." I knew that wasn't the answer she wanted, but it was the only answer I had.

            "Couldn't you try to get at least one friend?" She asked, chopping the celery again.

            "I'll try." I bit into my cookie again and left the kitchen and headed for my room. I heard my mom pick up her keys and waited for her to tell me she was going to pick up my sister.

            "I'm going to pick up Gracie!" My mom called from the end of the staircase. I nodded to myself.

            "Okay!" I called back. I rolled my eyes and sat on my bed. I didn't have any homework or anything to study for. I hesitated, having no idea what to do with the rest of my afternoon and evening. My problems were solved when the doorbell rang. I looked out my window, but couldn't see anyone. I trotted down the stairs and opened it. It was a kid my age, but I didn't recognize him. He held flowers in his hand.

            "Do I…know you?" I asked. I tried to figure out if he was in any of my classes, but I just couldn't remember.

            "No, probably not. But I know you. We have English together. It didn't look like you had anyone to talk to and since you just moved here, I figured I'd be nice and bring you some flowers," The kid smiled.

            "Thanks, but…did your friends put you up to this? Do you think it's funny?"

            "No. I came here by myself. I swear."

            "Fine. I'll see you tomorrow, then." I took the flowers and started to close the door, but his hand stopped it.

            "Can I come in?" He asked. I thought for a minute.

            "Only if you tell me your name." I decided.

            "Daniel." I let him in and we went into my room. I had no explanation as to why he would be at my house. I didn't even know how he knew where I lived. Sure, he was nice, but do people here just show up at new girls' houses with no warning and flowers?

            "You don't want me here…do you?" Daniel asked after a few minutes of talking. Had I looked like I didn't want him here?

            "No, no, I like having you here. I don't have anything else to do. I'm just a little confused, that's all," I said.

            "What are you confused about?"

            "Where I'm from, people don't come to new peoples' houses on their first day when neither of the people have talked to each other. I just don't understand why you came. Especially because of how I dress. I've been getting looks all day."

            "Would you like me to leave?"

            "No. I just want you to tell me why you came. Without lying."

            "Hmm…I like the way you dress." I was taken aback by his response. That wasn't a real answer at all. That wasn't what I was waiting for. I was ready to hear that his friends dared him to come knock on my door with flowers and ask to be invited in. This just wasn't right.

            "There's got to be more than that. Just tell me the truth. Were you put up to this?"

            "No. There's not more than that, either. I like the way you dress. I think you can fit in just fine here. There's a whole group of people who dress the way you do."

            "But you're not at their houses telling them you like how they dress. There has to be some other reason. And I never said I wanted to fit in."

            "You seem different than anybody I've ever known. You know who you are and what you're doing. It'd be nice to hang out with somebody different for once in my life."

            "You try to fit in, don't you? You always try to please other people and make sure you have a good reputation. You're one of those guys who gets everything he wants, no questions asked."

            "I'm tired of that. I'm tired of the superficial girls I attract. I want someone who actually understands and acts like a real person."

            "You don't even know me."

            "I'd like to."

            After that, we talked for hours. My mom didn't even know he had come by. I went downstairs for dinner and hid him in my closet. After dinner, we talked some more. He didn't leave until midnight, after we had began having conversations in whispers, and when he snuck out my window to go home.

            By the time he left, I hardly knew what we had talked about. We talked about everything and nothing. I couldn't believe my mom and sister didn't notice he was there. I'd never hidden someone from the rest of my family like that. Let alone a boy. My mom wouldn't be very happy about that.

            Maybe he could meet my family one day. Maybe I could invite him for dinner sometime so it wasn't a stranger my family found in my closet. I'm sure it would be better if they knew him.

 

Author's Note

Daniel's dad is a workaholic, and his mom is usually out of town. You'll find out why is mom is out of town later in the book. He is an only child as well. So no one notices him being gone.

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

I didn't plan on falling head over heels in love, when I moved here. I planned on becoming a loner, actually. I would be the new girl and that's all I would be. Putting forth the effort to become more than that was too hard. With school work and books to stay on top of. It would be a whole new curriculum with whole new teachers and whole new people. Becoming a loner seemed like the easiest thing to do.
Since, I was becoming a loner, I decided to take another easy step towards my goal. I was very pale and had jet black hair, so I went Goth. It would be easier to be ignored and no one would make efforts to be my friend. My days would be spent alone and focusing on school and that's exactly what I needed to happen.

"Are you Kyland?" My first teacher asked me, when I walked in the classroom. Everyone in the room looked up at me, so I focused on the teacher.
"Yes," I replied. I sounded confident. More confident than I felt at that particular moment.
"Your seat is right over here next to Ashley. Ashley, raise your hand please." The seating was arranged in tables of two. I slid onto the stool and Ashley scooted over. She looked very popular.
"Now, I know we have midterms next week and we will start reviewing for them tomorrow, but today we are watching a video on the human body," The teacher said.

"How was school?" My mom asked, when I closed the front door behind me. I shrugged, put my backpack next to the door, and walked into the kitchen, grabbing a cookie and biting into it.
"It was okay. They have midterms next week. I figure, I just won't go, since I already had mine," I said.
"If the school's fine with you missing those days, then I'm fine with it. I'll call tomorrow. Do you like your classes? Do you have any new friends?"
"My classes are fine. And no, I don't have any friends. I'm not exactly planning on it, either. I think focusing on school and reading is all I need right now, you know?" I took another bite of my cookie and waited for her answer. She sighed and put down the knife, she was using to cut celery.
"Ky, this is high school. How will you feel, when you think back about high school and remember it as not having any friends?"
"I'll feel great, because I know that will be the reason, I got into an amazing college and made good money." I knew that wasn't the answer she wanted, but it was the only answer I had.
"Couldn't you try to get at least one friend?" She asked, chopping the celery again.
"I'll try." I bit into my cookie again and left the kitchen and headed for my room. I heard my mom pick up her keys and waited for her to tell me, she was going to pick up my sister.
"I'm going to pick up, Gracie!" My mom called from the end of the staircase. I nodded to myself.
"Okay!" I called back. I rolled my eyes and sat on my bed. I didn't have any homework or anything to study for. I hesitated, having no idea what to do with the rest of my afternoon and evening. My problems were solved, when the doorbell rang. I looked out my window, but couldn't see anyone. I trotted down the stairs and opened it. It was a kid my age, but I didn't recognize him. He held flowers in his hand.
"Do I…know you?" I asked. I tried to figure out if he was in any of my classes, but I just couldn't remember.
"No, probably not. But I know you. We have English together. It didn't look like you had anyone to talk to and since you just moved here, I figured, I'd be nice and bring you some flowers," The kid smiled.
"Thanks, but…did your friends put you up to this? Do you think it's funny?"
"No. I came here by myself. I swear."
"Fine. I'll see you tomorrow, then." I took the flowers and started to close the door, but his hand stopped it.
"Can I come in?" He asked. I thought for a minute.
"Only if you tell me your name." I decided.
"Daniel." I let him in and we went into my room. I had no explanation as to why he would be at my house. I didn't even know how he knew where I lived. Sure, he was nice, but do people here just show up at new girls' houses with no warning and flowers?
"You don't want me here…do you?" Daniel asked after a few minutes of talking. Had I looked like I didn't want him, here?
"No, no, I like having you, here. I don't have anything else to do. I'm just a little confused, that's all," I said.
"What are you, confused about?"
"Where I'm from, people don't come to new peoples' houses on their first day, when neither of the people have talked to each other. I just don't understand why you came. Especially, because of how I dress. I've been getting looks all day."
"Would you like me to leave?"
"No. I just want you to tell me why you came. Without lying."
"Hmm…I like the way you dress." I was taken aback by his response. That wasn't a real answer at all. That wasn't what I was waiting for. I was ready to hear that his friends dared him to come knock on my door with flowers and ask to be invited in. This just wasn't right.
"There's got to be more than that. Just tell me the truth. Were you put up to this?"
"No. There's not anything more than that, either. I like the way you dress. I think you can fit in just fine, here. There's a whole group of people, who dress the way you do."
"But you're not at their houses, telling them you like how they dress. There has to be some other reason. And I never said, I wanted to fit in."
"You seem different than anybody, I've ever known. You know who you are and what you're doing. It'd be nice to hang out with somebody different for once in my life."
"You try to fit in, don't you? You always try to please other people and make sure you have a good reputation. You're one of those guys who gets everything he wants, no questions asked."
"I'm tired of that. I'm tired of the superficial girls I attract. I want someone who actually understands and acts like a real person."
"You don't even know me."
"I'd like to."
After that, we talked for hours. My mom didn't even know he had come by. I went downstairs for dinner and hid him in my closet. After dinner, we talked some more. He didn't leave, until midnight, after we had begun having conversations in whispers, and when he snuck out my window to go home.
By the time he left, I hardly knew what we had talked about. We talked about everything and nothing. I couldn't believe my mom and sister didn't notice, he was there. I'd never hidden someone from the rest of my family like that. Let alone a boy. My mom wouldn't be very happy about that.
Maybe, he could meet my family one day. Maybe, I could invite him for dinner sometime so it wasn't a stranger my family found in my closet. I'm sure it would be better if they knew him.


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Just a couple minors up there and word placement...and commas...but it's a sound first chapter...I edit along as I go to give the feedback on your work...whether you use it or not is totally up to you...as for the narrative...the new girl in a new environment and school...and all of a sudden a surprise visit at the door with flowers and a new friend...all in a day's time...seems everything is going well with the plot of things...but you leave us with not much of an ending to go on...except how she is going to piece things together and welcome him to her family...

[Jenig]

Wow, I read it all the way through and wasn't distracted by literary blemishes. Good thing. I did find myself wishing I could see what the boy's body language was doing, it would give me more clues about what he may be about. I realize that the point is for his appearance to be a mystery. But to add things like: He furrowed his brows in thought, then said, "You seem different than anybody I've ever known..." If he just says it without expression, it seems like he's feeding her a line and so it does seem like he's on a dare. The girl's facial and body expressions would be a colorful way to fill the story out, too. Body language description makes the story pop. I did think it was also odd that she'd bring him to her room first- thing, but I've also lost-touch with what it's like to be a teenager, so maybe it's characteristically accurate. Good start to a story. I've enjoyed it so far.

[L.L. Lily]

Really cute chapter, I bet many girls around my age could relate especially since we all start out as in denial before we find "the one" (lol off topic) anywho you're really good and talented. Hopefully i'd see this in one of the book stores someday " :)

[poetdoug]

Great first chapter.
Sets the scene colorfully for a lot of future activity.
You have a great way of drawing us all along with you and the chapter goes fast.
Well done.

[tremainiator]

Love is always an interesting subject and your opening chapter creates enough interest and curiosity to hold my attention and drive me forward. Despite my criticisms below, I will proceed to chapter 2.

I would like a great deal more information, however. I feel that you have left out too much. Where does the story taking place? When? Are we in the country or the city? Where? What country? Are the characters white, black, other ?What do Daniel and Ky look like? What time of year is it? What is the climate?

The dialogue was stiff, it lacked the natural vulgarity, slang, and street wise expressions of teenagers. The author should have justified taking Daniel directly up (?) to her room rather than indirectly there by way of one of the public rooms like the kitchen or the living room. After all, when he comes to the door, no one else is home. Why is she hiding him? The information you give in your author's note would be more effectively placed within the chapter, bringing Daniel to life for the reader. Daniel could have said as much about himself if Ky had asked him about himself.

[Gregoire William Randel..]

I like the style of your writing.
Clearly this is a teen love story, is it not?
I hope I can read more. It is getting late here and I have to sleep. Well, almost. But I hope I can read more of your works.
I write romantic stories, too, but it is not like those sexy ones, more likely they are about things that need to be thought about with a clever thought, and I know you will understand when you read them.
I hope you can keep up your nice work!

Best regards,
G. A.

[Sammie]

Thank you so much! And thank you for staying up to read my stories! I'll definitely take a look at yours!

[Gregoire William Randell]

My pleasure.

[Wendy Seames Garner]

I like your writing style, very readable. But I agree with Mackenzie, you introduced Daniel a little early. You have me wondering about Daniel, what are his motives? I'm surprised he isn't dressed Goth. In my experience, regular kids are scared off by kids dressed in Goth. I'm a little worried about Kyland letting him into the house, he is a complete stranger. And to hide him in the closet, instead of introducing him to her mother? Sounds like something bad waiting to happen.

[Mackenzie K.]

I like it. The only thing I would say is, maybe a bit more of a leadup before introducing Daniel? It might be good if the reader could get to know Kyland a little better before tossing a new character into the mix. Beyond that, though, I enjoyed it, and I plan to keep reading it!

[allonsy_doctor]

Good beginning. Looking forward to reading the rest of the story.

[lori c]

my first thought is: didn't daniel's own family miss him all those hours he was gone ?? i am wondering what direction that plot thread will take. i like the jump into the action and the decision to be a loner...it's easiest and least effort to trudge through our days alone... is this a self defense mechanism i wonder... it's good that i have questions,,,they keep a reader turning pages. my first reading didn't provide any real glitches, but i will re read before reading chapter two. good job.