Alone

Well here I am I guess if I am writing I'm not dead yet. I'm scared and pissed now that I waste my life trying when I shouldn't even try (I'm different) and theres nothing I can do about it. I'm finnaly starting to realize that I can never be happy I thought you could bring me something they call happyness but I was wrong. I'm on that planet out there that you reach for but can never touch because its so far away. In side me is where I like to hide, I find everything I am looking for in that place. Theres no one for me I'm ment to be in my place ALONE, DIFFERENT, SMILING, CRYING, CRAZY at my best but just alone forever wishing that there was that steady hand that would come and put upon me helping me sleep for thoes nights I can't stand still. I'm sivering inside I fell in my river, I can't find a dry place in my mind. My kids can't even love me because I have messed up so bad that I can't just say I'm sorry. The tears now set in forever falling from my eyes. That girl always smiling but never happy (Not really). Just doomed to walk inside my heart alone. Speaking nothing but the truth and getting stoned for it, putting my self into an even darker place. Wishing to hold you or me to be the one you want to hold. Having nothing but the hopes that my kids will forgive me. Or maybe your out there just as crazy as me but ALONE still hinding inside your self. I run away from everything and stay for nothing. Theres nothing for you here, when you fall theres no one there to catch you. When you cry theres no one to lay your head on and just sigh. No one to debate stupid random thoughts of nothingness with. And when you want to dance in the rain you hear nothing but the sound of your own two feet. And when theres nothing to say at all you sit in silance ALONE thinking to your self that it will always be today the same as yesterday and the same as tomorrow just you.....knowing that you don't have nor have you had and you probably never will have that one complete thought that this is where you want to be for the rest of your life, a place outside yourself, a place I can't find, because I'm lost and alone. I mean everything and nothing to people. Always loved but never can be loved. Always smiling but crying inside. Always in my place where I like to hide. Never comming out. With no one by my side. Just Alone.............

Reviews

[Wildecat]

You did a wonderful job of expressing yourself, no one has to be alone, a fabulous write.

[Pax Analog]

This pours out of you with the full staggering integrity of blood.

The dilemma of your soul anguish is on the aching edge of the mortal human condition.

Others with more organizational skill cannot manage this full-on confessional power, so you are further along than you may realize. Always the dark night of the soul precedes a heart dawn. All too many paint smiles on inner despair, and this pain is only the heart seeking its a priori home, a nakedly spiritual dilemma.

We are all alone, we are all-one. It is possible to use relatedness to discover a Love beyond the foibles of egos, but not religiously, and not merely romantically. Rather, intuitively, and with a will to reinterpret one's life as more than personally or socially understood. Personally, I have found despair yields in the presence of truly intriguing and inspiring ideas about the nature of Reality. Because we don't commonly know Reality. Not even a little bit, yet the media, everyone goes around with this Flatland notion that we do. That's the secret. Direct discovery of MORE LIFE, MORE CONSCIOUSNESS beyond all the traps of common collective structures.

You are not alone.

[Blue Sky]

No one needs to be alone, but you have
clearly expressed it as a way for you to cope all this...
and one of the good things of writing
you can express yourself and this is
randomly jotted like a diary,
Great job in expressing self!