I will tell you when it is a poem he he

So I have no clue who I am? This is how I think of life. So when people are sitting there talking about religion and what they beleve, Well I can't exatly explain what I beleve all I can say is I look for the truth in every, and by everything I mean every single aspect of life, I look for the truth in the lies and the lies in the truth. When I was 16 I knocked the table out from under me, I used to lie alot I mean I lived my whole life living someones else's idea of perfect. But then one day it changed. I know longer wanted to be something that every one wanted to be, I no longer wanted to pretend that I was happy with no one knowing anything true about me. My mother once told me this: (If you want to know the truth about what hide beneath peoples faces then you have to listen to what people say, you have to watch what people do, and you have to learn from it. And she also told me that being able to see through people is not only a gift but a curse as well. I mean I have to watch my family, my friends, and the people I care about the most not give a s**t about anything but them selves. I mean would you not want to see the truth? Sometimes I question myself. I love all these people in my life and it hurts to see through there faces. I still don't have a clue who I am and I have been looking for a long time. I have been looking through all this s**t that is caked on me (And I'm not even close to the bottom). I don't beleve that anyone really knows who they are (Even if they are 80 years old) there just some person that followed something or another there whole lives and beleves its real. Some people live there whole lives beleving something with no understanding of it, They say (I have faith) and they follow God blindly in church every day and let someone tell them what is right? Well I have faith but I also understanding and facts to go with everything I say for example: I don't beleve that Christ is in Heaven because he died for our sins and in the Bible it say if you see your friend about to drink a cup of poison and you don't say anything there blood gets put on your garments, Which means that there sins get put on you. Now everytime they were going to do something to Christ Stone him, beat him, just whatever Christ always said something. but When they led him to the cross he did not say a word there for he took on the sins of the world, meaning he fell for us, he took on the sins of the world. So no I don't beleve Christ went to Heaven I beleve he want to hell with us, He is the light in the darkness and he will lead us to heaven, so he has to be here.
                          I wish to succed in life, I wish I had one true friend, I wish that the ultimate test in life was easy and the strive for being perfect wasn't a life time away. I always sit back and think who is my true love? Have I met them before and not even knowen it? Were they my true love in another life? Are the exact same as me or different? I am 23 years old and I have not even found them (Well not that I know of).
                           Up until I was 14 I dressed like a boy and acted like a boy. Well when I was about 13 I stared to hang out with my cousin Heather and almost my whole life before I turned 13 she hated me because I was a tom boy, but then I started to fill out and become a woman she became my friend. Well Heather used to always say to me don't where that Sheba you look like a gross boy and after a while it grew on me and I changed the way I dressed for the most part. But I never changed the way I presented myself. I still liked the same music, I still liked doing all the same things and I was still acting like me. Now years later I would like to become more of a classy lady. I would like to not spit or swear. I would like to speak my mind but with restraint. I would like to grow up now and I am having trouble doing it. Huh? Life is life and you choose to live it how you want and I will never forget that:)

Reviews

[J.Altered]

Very Nice write. Sometimes I believe we all have these thoughts in our minds, most of the time a lot of us like to think we don't. I guess no one will know who they really are until the end. It's just a matter of time. Again, this was a great write and I applaud you.