Getting through you is the hardest part

We woke up to the sound of Kris� cell phone. I knew that ringtone as well as all the others. Modern Swinger: it was Becky. �Hello?� Kris� voice was thick and slow with sleep. �Yeah� I know� he�s alright�� I buried my face in my pillow again. �I will� you too, thanks Becks.� I heard his phone snap closed and the blankets shuffling as he crawled towards me once more. �We gotta get up, school starts in thirty.� He said quietly. School. That brought back the feeling of dread that had dwindled during the night. �I don�t want to go� I can�t.� He chuckled, hugging my shoulder before getting out of bed. �Yes you can James, You can do anything.� Kris continued to my closet, pulling out the spare clothing he had been keeping there. He tossed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt on my bed. �You better be up by the time I�m out of the shower.� I could hear the smile in his voice. I did not want to go to school. I was not ready to face him again. It was going to be too much. I thought of last year, remembering I had had other friends as well. Andy, she called every day. Sometimes I picked up, sometimes I didn�t. Greg was getting all of his updates from Kris, I was sure. No one else really mattered. What had been on my mind all summer crossed it once more. Did he even know what was happening to me? Did he even know what he had done? Sighing, I rolled out of bed. I had to go. I had to take the first step; no one else could do it for me. �Well, out of bed is a start�� Kris laughed, rubbing a towel over his damp hair. �You showered too fast.� I grabbed the clothes he had thrown at me, pulling socks and boxers out of my top drawer. �You�d better move just as fast- we�ve got twenty minutes, come on!�
��������We made it to school with ten minutes to spare. Thanks in part to the fact Kris drives like a lunatic. Fully intact, we made our way through the morning crowd, up the steps to City Center. �You�ll be fine.� Kris smiled, pushing me through the door. It was just as I remembered. Bustling with students who mingled with the coffee drinkers and breakfast eaters sitting around in their suits and ties. I spotted a familiar head of blond hair in the corner. She turned right before I looked away. Eyes locked. Hers went sad, watery, and she started towards me. Kris took a moment to notice, but smiled when he did. I knew he liked her. He had liked her since he met her. However, she had a boyfriend, and next to Brayden, Kris was chopped liver. He was not the star quarterback. He did not have straight a�s. He definitely wasn�t rich, or popular. He was, however, a much better person, as far as I was concerned. Brayden had a temper, and he was not exactly one for understanding or deep thinking. Why she stayed with him, I was unsure. Andy had finally reached us, and her 5 foot 3 face was looking into mine. Her mouth moved as if to say something, but no sound came out. She threw her arms around my stomach, nestling her face in my shirt. �I love you� you�ll get better, I promise.� I smiled, it was weak, but it was real. �I hope so�� I whispered, kissing the top of her head. I felt like I always did with Andy, like an older brother. She smiled into my shirt. Her hair smelled like strawberry shampoo, like it always did. �I know so.�
��������My schedule was less than exciting. I had AP world history, AP chemistry, photography, lyricism, AP calculus, and drama. I suppose the positive side of being a senior was that I got out an hour early. I was far to grey to appreciate this. Sitting through my first class- AP world- I decided staring at the back of Lindsay Fink�s head was a better use of my time than listening to the class rules. My mind was too full to pay attention anyway. After what seemed like forever, the bell rang. The class moved in a mob, freshman rushing to their next class, everyone else rushing to talk in the halls. I lingered for a bit, the last one out the door. Taking my time in the hall, I bumped into a flock of freshman. �Sorry.� I smiled my perfected fake smile. The girls giggled. They always giggled. I refrained from rolling my eyes, just pushing through instead. �James!� It was a girl�s voice. I turned around for a second, and sighed when I saw long black hair and Abercrombie walking towards me. �Hey!� She grinned, her little face all glow and sparkle. �Hey Az�� She beamed. It was rather immature. Not her smile, the fact that she had a crush on me. Azalia was Brayden�s little sister. A freshman this year. Petite and pretty she could have any boy she wanted. The problem was, she wanted me. I had told her I don�t like girls that way� I told her it was never going to happen. I told her I was gay. She walked in on him and me in a very heated makeout session. God was she resilient. �Uh, I gotta go to class. I�ll catch you at lunch.� I smiled. �See you then!� She bubbled, bouncing down the hall as if I had just made her day. Rolling my eyes, I wandered slowly to chemistry.
���������Mr. Harper, thank you for finally getting to class. What took you so long?� Mr. Clow asked, standing in front of his white board like he did every year. �I got lost.� He smiled, and I took my usual seat in the back row, by the window. I had been in one class or another of Mr. Clow�s since freshman year. We took a liking to one another immediately, and he had been giving me leeway on tardies, assignments, everything since the beginning. �I�m sure. As I was saying, chemistry is not an easy course it takes discipline and�� I had lost even my feigned interest. There was far too much on my mind to concentrate even a little bit. I couldn�t fight the nervous feeling that churned my stomach. It was almost lunch. I would have to sit with Andy. I couldn�t face him. It had been so long, but it was still so hard.
��������After class had finally finished, I let myself drift off to the library. I had a half hour free period before photography. As I scanned the shelves looking for new titles, I felt a smile growing over my face. I didn�t know why at first, and then I realized what I was looking at. A little book, completely insignificant to the world, had found its way into my hands. 100 little horror stories. I saw a rainy night. A candle lit room. Felt him clinging to me as I read. My laughter when he jumped at the ending. His body curved perfectly to mine as we lay in silence. The kiss that led to something more. I heard the soft thud of the book as it landed on the floor. I was unaware that I had dropped it. Shaking my head clear, I bent down, grasping for something I couldn�t find. I stared at a familiar pair of beat up high tops. My heart jolted. It took every fiber of my being to stand. Doing so very slowly, the reality of my fear washed over me. There he was.

Author's Note

ignore grammar, dryness, and how fast and jumpy it is please!