Preface

It was a hot day in August. The sun sitting directly overhead, beaming through the tree we sat beneath, dappling our skin. I had my back propped up against the trunk, watching clouds drift across the cerulean sky. It was a slow day for the both of us. He had his head on my lap, the way Kris would usually lay. We had been there for hours, just sitting, letting the day slip by. It was sudden. I did not expect it at all. If I had been watching him, I may have seen it coming. My eyes locked with icy grey pools, lids half closed. My nose brushed softly against another. My lips closed around thinner, sweeter ones. We held it for a while, the warmth and feeling of it all a welcome gift from him to me, and me to him. When he pulled away, I watched his face; he watched mine. Was it real? I was unsure, but he seemed to mean it. �James,� He whispered, eyes wide, searching for an answer. I reacted before my mind could process. Holding his face in my hands, lips again on my lips, and the touch of his hand on my thigh. It felt right.
        That seemed so long ago. As I sat alone, the rain pouring over me, I watched the tree where it all began. My memory flashed pictures of that day through my head, forcing me to watch a painful sort of slide show. I could not remember what life was like without that feeling. I knew I did not feel it before him. And I knew I couldn�t make it go away. All I could do was put on a happy face and try to get through life one day at a time. Familiar footsteps came up slowly behind me. I did not turn to see the body that sat next to me on the bench. I did not cringe when a head leaned against my shoulder. �Why do you do this to yourself?� The smooth voice that flowed from his mouth to my ears tugged at my heart. I knew it killed him to see me like that. I knit our fingers together, not willing to speak. We sat that way for quite some time, neither of us making a sound. He sneezed. I knew the cold was getting to him. �Kris, I don�t want to go home alone.� I whispered. He slipped an arm around my back, breathing heavily into my shoulder. �You don�t have too.�
        It had become a nightly affair. I would be so distraught by the days end I was unable to make it through the evening alone. Kris was my savior. He always had been. He was the only person I loved, and the only person I knew loved me back. As I shivered and convulsed with the sobs that had overtaken me, he was there at my side. He didn�t say anything, which we both knew was for the best. We just lay there, his arms wrapped around me, his head on my shoulder. I always felt degraded afterwards. The crying was childish; it made me feel I was incapable of handling my emotions. I hated that feeling. The first nights, when I had stayed locked in my apartment... they were the worst. I was alone. I needed someone there to take care of me, but I wouldn�t let anyone in. I brought the destruction upon myself. The blades were innocent. The blood was clean. It was my problem, my flaw, my suffering, my sin. He forced himself into the apartment. He saw me on the floor. He took me to the hospital. He didn�t yell at me like everyone else. He tried his hardest to understand what I was going through. He was there. Kris had fallen asleep, and the steady breathing on the back of my neck was comforting. It helped me keep the lingering thoughts at bay. Burying my face in my pillow, I remembered what I had forgotten earlier that day. Pain left, dread taking its place. Tomorrow was the first day of school.
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Author's Note

Please ignore grammar, and it's rather dry, I understand, I apologize, but I wrote it that way on purpose.