The Blue Elk

This I wrote in a moment of anguish

I awaken to the sun shining on me. My vision is blurry, my body is heavy, my head is light. Finally things clear up. I see the dream catcher above my bed, the crystals glycening. I look to my right and see the bottles of whiskey next to me. Next to them are the thick stack of divorce papers. I just lay there for a moment. Then I remember...

I feel a sharp pain in my head. It came like lightning when I began to remember. I fell out of my bed with a huge thud. The bottles fell onto me. I felt the weight of my being force me down. It took everything I had to get up. 

I stagger to my window, piecing my night back together. I recall the courier bringing the documents to my door, me driving to the bar, and taking that first sip of alcohol. I walk over to my desk and pick up my pill container. I can only stare at them, thinking about what they have done to me, my career and my marriage.

I walk over to the porch and stare at the lake below. The memories of buying this house came rushing back. The process of picking it out, the details of the furniture, the smell of the place once we were finally done unpacking.... These were the good times.... the times before I was diagnosed. 

I see the winding staircase leading down to the lake and think of all that we had planned, all our work fixing up the place, the love we made..... Then I remember it all being ruined in one instant. I look at the pills again. I remember the doctor telling me what I had. I remember the reaction of my wife, I remember the pain it brought her. Things only got worse after that day. I throw the pills through the window, the glass falling outside. The rampage that ensued was nothing short of destruction. I tore the room apart, my rage fueling me. I finally stop. 

I am breathing heavily, sweating, then I look out the shattered window. I cannot believe what I am seeing. It is beautiful, yet terrifying, elegant, yet… I cannot help but go towards it. I go slowly, step by step, trying not to scare it away. Making my way down the stairs, my eyes are locked to it. It glares back at me with almost a remorseful gaze. I am so close, I can almost touch it.

I hear a crack, as I look down I see that I stepped on a branch. When I look up, it is in the distance. I chase it, trying to catch it, to prove it is real; I must prove it to myself, that I am not crazy. I must prove to myself that I am only having a bad dream, that I will wake up and my wife will be there.

I get closer, and closer, it is within my grasp. Then it jumps, and I jump after it. The creature is flying, I cannot believe it. Then I look down and see that it did not jump, but that I had fallen. What I failed to realize was that I had ran nearly a mile, to the cliffs. As I fall, time stands still. I think about everything, my wife, my home, my life. The ground gets closer, and closer…closer…clos…

Then there was nothing.

Reviews

[underwriter]

wow, beautifully wriiten peice, i can really feel this mans pain and anger. you dont give any thing away, which intregues me to know more!
good write!

[ali]

I like how you don't explicitly give the answers away- instead at the end of every paragraph, we are given another clue that makes us piece together our own interpretation. However, I think more can be added to it- it has a lot of emotive power but it is capable of more. I love the cryptic symbols like the dreamcatcher and think that you utilize those symbols well

[Ashley.M.E]

I love the story, sad ending, but I really like it. In what i'm guessing was a dream... stating that you brought up a dream catcher, but when at the end his eyes didn't open and he didn't jump out of better I suppose it wasn't a dream.
Just one thing I noticed that didn't make that much since...
dream catcher about(above?) my bed,

[The Analog Kid]

Nice idea here. I agree, even though it's a short story, it moved a bit too quickly. This could be developed more.

[Kristen]

The hopelessness of the narrator of this piece really shines through, quite frightening but conveyed very well. Nice job!

- S.T.

[The Perfectionist]

Comma after the first window. Ruin should be ruined. You have an extra space in the first line of the last paragraph.

Okay, that's technicals out of the way. God I seem to be reviewing a lot of really short stories today.

You could have very easily have made this story about ten times as long as it currently is. I feel like I'm reading a plot summary to a real book. It's a bad summary because it gives the ending away, but still. I don't think you should expand it too much, or even tell any more of a story, though.

What you SHOULD do is slow it down. Everything happens too fast. You're trying to have a little suspense at the end, but you just are moving too damn quickly. It whizzes by, and the story is over before the reader realizes what they were supposed to feel.

There could be real emotion here, but you gotta give us time to let it sink in.

[Star Wolf]

Rather scary, I think.

[Tina Kline]

A tragic story of despair, hopeless and desperation.

[WriterSki7]

Ahahaha! The price of insanity!

Good write. Not the best story I've read but it's a humerous concept (to me at least). And it's a bit to short to have many flaws. All I can say is good job.

[SK Woodiwiss]

Good job. It reminds me of waking up in bed dreaming that I am falling. Then that quick jump and realizing the mattress really is underneath.
Very sad and poignant. Again, good job