Every Waking Moment

Every waking moment I think of you

Every waking moment I picture us together

I picture us happy and worry free

Every waking moment

 

Every waking moment without you I feel loneliness and desperation

Every waking moment without you there is no hope

The world is cold and dark

Every waking moment

 

Every waking moment near you I feel happiness and sorrow consumed by jealousy

Every waking moment near you I feel a great gain and a great loss

A gain of a moment that I can see you

And a loss of a moment that I don’t have you

Every waking moment

Author's Note

the first poem I ever wrote

Reviews

[black_rose_obsession]

YOUR FIRST POEM
quite the accomplishment
I never would have thought of sorrow as being consumed by jealousy
for a first poem it's very good, and well spoken it gets your message across clearly
well done
KEEP WRITING!!!

[Kirby Lund]

The content of this poem really hits me hard--I was in that same situation a few years back and came out the loser. As far as revision goes, I'd like to see some punctuation--when people read this out loud, they would have to say it all in one breath, because there aren't any pauses. Another thing you might want to think about is using less "Every waking moment..." phrases. I like that you use them frequently, but by the end of the poem, I felt almost bombarded by them--they were a little overused. I would keep the first and last one in every stanza and cut out the rest of them. Overall, a great first poem! Good luck in your future writing!