Resting in Loam

It’s been 30 years of questioning and I have nothing much to show
I’ve been up but now I’m down and it’s feeling kind of slow
I have clothes, I have a roof, but is that really all there is?
Is all there is to this life really just some never-ending quiz?
But the answers never stay the same and I’m forgetting what I’ve learned
I’m running blindly through this night, counting everything I’ve earned
But the price to pay is way too high and I don’t want to be alone
Still I fear it’s far too late and I am out here on my own

I close my eyes
But I’m not ready yet to leave and say goodbye

My 20s were a waste, can’t wait to leave it all behind
When I look into my future all I see is the daily grind
The present isn’t that much better, everyday is just the same
I’m stuck buried deep inside this rut and I’ve got only me to blame
I thought I knew how this all worked but all this time I was so wrong
Hard to fix it all and make it right when it’s been fucked up for so long
God told me that he isn’t real and promised complete oblivion
If this journey leads to nothingness, then paint me the idiot

It’s just a lie
And I’ve given all I had just to die
And I’m sure there’s nothing on the other side
I’m petrified

40 or so years to go and I’ll be halfway out the door
I’ll leave behind all that I love since it won’t matter anymore
There’ll be nothing left but memories of a place I used to live
Flashing right before my eyes until I have nothing left to give
Everything I leave behind will carry on without a thought
There will be no books or stories of my life ‘cause there’s no plot
I’m just a tertiary character, an inconsequential blip
I didn’t even get to read a copy of the script

I’ll die alone
Everything will stay the same, my future’s known
Should I not be relieved it’s set in stone?
All my doubts are gone after all that I’ve been shown
I know the place I can finally call home
Resting in loam

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

Actually, you haven't been seeing the present, only something strained through the filter of the past. In the present moment, fully seen, the past and future vanish, and there is only now, which is the only place you can really be.