This Burden I Deserve

There are days
Where my emotions betray my intentions
Where my thoughts betray my heart
Where self-expression is a medicine to me
But a curse for others
Where the weight I lift off my shoulders
Becomes a heavy burden to the ones I love

There are nights
Where I lay awake with the consequences of my shameful pining

I am broken, abandoned
As is my place
Paying for the debts I have incurred in past lives
Experiencing the negative karma I surround myself with

My redemption is supported
And I am grateful for the treatment
But my conscience knows it undeserved
So I sabotage any chance to improve

My actions push away those I hold dear
In an effort to reduce their pain
Yet in doing so, producing an additional amount

Therefore I must keep the burden for myself
My unfair conduct ought to be only my responsibility
My demons are mine to carry
An obligation of honour and respect

I am not worthy of my existence
So I must be held accountable for the marks I make
To wear a veil over my faults
To show only my false integrity

I overestimate my strength of will
My weaknesses overloading my burden
Until it bursts, erupting on my surroundings
Negatively affecting those in my vicinity

My isolation is required to maintain balance
The concealment of my deficiencies a necessity

I am alone
As is fundamental for this reality
As is appropriate for my sins
The pain I’ve caused, a punishment for my psyche

I am my own burden
Placed upon me by my unrelenting nature
I am unsuitable for support
Living beneath the truly righteous

It is my duty to ensure distance
To separate myself from the things that matter
To remove myself from my own happiness for the sake of what is right
For the truth of what does not belong to me

The content of the satisfaction of other’s is not my business
As my observance would bring them down

I am a scab on this world
Selfishly peeling myself off for the experience of freedom
Scarring the universe
A sore sight that must be covered and left alone