Together Apart

When we are together I think about how far apart we are
Every inch a mile to my broken mind
Can you feel that?
The air between us, sharp on the edge of tension
The moments passing, cold from the inside out
But to close the distance would cause an apocalypse between us
A change in the winds as dangerous as a hurricane
So we cloud the air with the breaths between the words unspoken
To shroud vision of the distance
To fool ourselves into believing it is not there
Yet with silent recognition of the unexplored
My fascination with the unknown terrain is your repulsion of the shadow it casts
I ask you to hold me close and you wrap yourself around me at arm's length
I want to press my heart against yours
To sink into your warmth
But it is not a choice to be made or an obstacle to overcome
It is reality's truth in this version of events
And my desires have been misplaced
Developing within me from the wrong dimension
My thought pattern shattered by the contradiction
My insatiable but conflicted lust for connection clashing with my intentions
The images manifesting in my mind provoking immense shame within my heart


But it is worse when we are apart and I think about how alone I am
My overactive imagination considering every painful possibility
I question your integrity to myself in moments you cannot defend
Quietly suffering with thoughts of someone else's skin
Its rough abrasion leaving marks upon you
Scars settling beneath the surface of your heart
As you ride the hard line between pleasure and pain
But I know the scars do not exist like this to you
Each one a kiss from someone else's lips
To you, sensual marks of pride
Euphoric wounds of wonderful sin
That sweet taste in your mouth feeds the emptiness of my passion
The sounds that escape me betray me
Taking pleasure in my own misery
Stealing the idea of you for my private depository
Revealing it to myself in my worst moments of weakness
Then cursing my mind for what always comes but will never happen
I measure the time until I can forget
Sluggishly passing by until the cycle repeats
I am caught in the middle of instant regret
Judging myself for not rising above my sensitivity
I am a bursting dam that threatens to wash us away