This is what I wanted

This is what I wanted

Alexandra Stanczak

This is what I wanted

This is what love should be like

Selfless, passionate, and not taken for granted

Walls up, timed consumed, ignorance, anything just to not fall

To not feel and to not be excited nor fulfilled

And then let down.

This is what I wanted

This is what love should be like

You close your eyes and they’re there

You open your eyes and they’re there

You focus and you think and you avoid and you try to disappear

And they’re there

You prayed and hoped and begged

For it to not destroy you

For you to not get addicted to the worst and to the best

You spoke to yourself

You screamed and argued and yelled

But your soul sits there and looks down on you

“This is what I wanted

This is what love should be like”..

You give up, you give in

You tear it out of your chest and though you can’t breathe

You’re suffocating and you’re gasping for air

You allow this to happen

You’re desperate, and you’re not strong

But that’s simply alright because guess what

He is perfect.

He is selfless, passionate, and he never takes you for granted

This is what I wanted

This is what love should be like.

I am happy

I allow myself to be happy

But in the end I feel empty

This addiction to this feeling is not fulfilling.

Maybe...maybe it was supposed to be torn out

And even though I can’t breathe

And I am suffocating

And I am gasping for air

This is what love should be like

But maybe...just maybe…

This is not what I wanted.