Your version of Selfless,Sounds a lot like my version of Selfish

ya random ok just happened swag

   We spend 18 years of our lives completely stuck. 18 years under complete control of others, telling us what we have to do. Thousands of things being thrown at us and we're stuck in a game where parents and teachers and everyone alike is left with the controller. They tell us where and when we can go    as if we don't have minds of our own    I have a mind of my own. They tell us what they think we want as if they know what I'm thinking after dark when everyone else is asleep. Ever since I was a kid I was told "my plan" , to get my grades, go to some great university that my parents could brag about and become some doctor, lawyer type and of course I cant forget to be in tip-top shape because my happiness will be found    in the love of someone else. Someone to settle down with. My whole life my questions weren't answered. So tell me. Where does my happiness lie? What if I cant get the grades? What if I'm not meant for school? What if someone doesn't fall in love with me? Does it mean something to love myself? What if I don't want what you want and here I am stuck for 18 years fulfilling a dream that isn't mine?Why do I feel like I'm drowning in quicksand giving leaving all my air for someone else to take and waste? I guess what I'm trying to say between the what ifs and the endless s**t holes is that I'm not who you want me to be. I don't want to be that person. I never will be so why should I donate 18 years, to you. 

Author's Note

its long and random and messy and i put it as prose because i dont really know what to call it

Reviews

[Tai Ryens]

I know the emotion all too well, and lacking autonomy often leads to antagonistic attitudes towards those that hold our lives in their grasp. Constantly planning your future ahead can lead to disastrous choices, as any other decision might as well undo the years of difficult work we've done attempting to fulfill wishes that weren't ours in the first place, and the thing that I hate the most is that I am more than willing to do so, and that I know for certain I could kickstart my future career presently but the thing is, my custodians won't allow me.
I've come to the conclusion that the educational system might've worked for the prior generations, but ours is different, and we need to adjust the system accordingly once we're the ones in power . . . Well done, I like your rants, they're very subjective while appealing to a few facts as well.

[Kristin]

haha thanks yeah my rants are... yeah. Its a mess over here in a lot of contries they allow you to start your major in highschool and thats how i believe it should be and even besides that i dont think parents should have such control over their kids its fucked up my life its probably ruined a lot of others too

[Tai Ryens]

I believe that refusing to budge on our education system (assuming you live in the US?) is mostly tradition rather than effectiveness, and I also feel that teachers do their part in negatively influencing the perspectives of the children.
For instance, I have a misogynistic teacher that teaches that women belong in the house and should never be allowed to work.
Another incident is one of my teachers repeatedly preaching Christianity to the class instead of teaching us what we're supposed to.
Lastly, my school system where I live forces us to learn a tribal language that won't be of any use and the only reason why it's required is so that the local tradition won't shrivel and die out like it already is . . . Mind that local tradition encourages child abuse and misogyny.
It's certainly ruined my life as well, you aren't alone.

[Kristin]

Yeah besides the local language I have classes and teachers like that too one of my teachers spent a class talking about how there's satanic subliminal messaging in everything and it was Spanish class...

[Tai Ryens]

Not all teachers are bad, however. Some are certainly very skilled and encouraging and good influences.

[Tai Ryens]

My history teacher often tries to force Roman Catholicism and a Republican political view down our throats, citing that history proves that atheism is impossible. I know how you feel.

[Kristin]

That's why I like my history teacher he shows us all the possibilities there are and let's us debate on it he's a great teacher

[Tai Ryens]

That's great! My English teacher, and my Speech/Drama teacher are the same way.

[POETIC SOUL 2013]

Excellent Free write. These questions Plague everyone, and you have penned allot of peoples Concerns in this piece. Just know their is always a broken road before the solid path.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T..]

Well, that's a lot of good "what if" thingies. Are you just venting or do you want some advice?

[Kristin]

Venting but I like hearing input so go ahead :)

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T. Serrat]

Ah, thanks. Well, I'll just hold my thoughts for now. You'll ask again if/when you're really in the mood. :)

[Kristin]

No Is really like hearing your thoughts!

[Ufi Auttorri ~ Amy C. T. Serrat]

It simple, really. Identify the things that you're good at and like to do and then do them as best you can. It is your life but you may feel the pang of obligation; better that than remorse and its kindred spirits. Your life _IS_ yours. You have a "purpose." What it is ... well that's for you to discover. Others (your parents, me, someone else) may try to tell you it's this or that or whatever but only you will know for sure. It may be that your purpose is to become a knocked-up, crack smoking junkie that gives away her first born to the state, or perhaps an inmate in a psycho ward - all good and well; at least you've give other the opportunity to see other possibilities. On the other hand you may surprise yourself and everyone around you. You may become something that they least expect, could never have imagined and end up being absolutely amazed and proud of what you have become. However, no matter how "bad" or how "good" (relative terms, to be sure) you seem to be, especially as you judge yourself, ... these moments are but stepping stones. This life is not your first nor will it be your last. You are eternal. You are forever. You are love and you are loved. Well, that's my story (for now) and I'm sticking to it. Hope you have a good day, a good night and a great life, Kristin! ^_^