Sleep Dep

I've been up 7 hours already and I have about 20 more to go. I think this poem came out decent...........

The looks from others bring disdain,
As I walk by trying to refrain
The voices in my head are making me insane,
Others watch me limping as I hold my cane
Know that even with this pain,
I am more then you can tame
So try not to be so lame,
As I give you a glare and hold in my shame
Yet you know nothing of this bane,
The world is forever on my shoulders in this one way lane
I might not get hit by traffic, but I shall leave blood on the road as a stain,
Sane?? Insane?? How about the emotions of a wreckage of a train.
I AM NOT NORMAL OR PLAIN........

Reviews

[Ruth]

Such emotions can devoure, there is sometimes little or no sense it would seem!
A powerful poem sweet
xx

[Black Cat Fever]

Ha, I just like this. Great poems come from the most unusual places sometimes.

[Vincent Esprit FMI]

the pain at the end is so intensely dramtically captured....here is the punch line that says it all StacyPerry."but I shall leave blood on the road as a stain,"
courage and peace!

vincent
www.esprit.aegauthorblogs.com

[StacyPerry]

Thank everyone per usual for their comments on the poem.
I am thankful to Coyote because you were the first to catch the deepest meaning of this as I am in pain 24/7 and it compounds with all the images I tossed in.

Hugs to all and THANK YOU ALL for reading my work, it means a lot.

[Taylor H.]

I didn't like that every line rhymed and I felt it was kind of botched. Other than that I liked the idea of the poem.

[Poetic Beauty]

This reminds me a the start of a horror story or a paranormal story. the details in the poem are done exceedingly well. It gets your point across loud and clear. What you see is not always what you get!

[Fran Marie]

A powerful piece deeply expressed and well written

[Coyote Poetry]

"Walking with a cane." From that line you had me. I like the feel and strength of this person in the poem. Even in pain. Able to stand strong and keep a positive attitude. A outstanding poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

straight through the heart~ grabs the attention with its potent composition from line one~

[.]

A powerful punch..I liked your use of rhyme, not as easy feat..you managed to keep that poem on track, which is hard when rhyming like this..well done