On Trial

On Trial
If you were ever put on trial,
Would you stick to your denial??
If you were sworn in,
Would you admit your sin??
If you stared at me with daggers,
Would you see that I will not stagger??
If you finally let yourself love me,
Would you be smiling for all eternity??
I know I would be........
Copyright 7-22-2010 Stacy Perry

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I think it will help your flow if you drop the word "that" from the sixth line and change the next line to "if you allow yourself to love me" and drop the word "all" from the next to the last line. I'd also drop the elipses at the end and add a comma after the word "know" in the last line to show a pause in the last sentence. Then your poem will read like this:
"If you were ever put on trial,
Would you stick to your denial??
If you were sworn in,
Would you admit your sin??
If you stared at me with daggers,
Would you see I will not stagger??
If you allow yourself to love me,
Would you be smiling for eternity??
I know, I would be"

I think that helps the flow tremendously and they are only simple changes. Read it aloud and see what you think. If you like my suggestions, keep them, if not, kindly disregard. I liked the general content of the piece but the flow was somewhat off kilter for me so I made those suggestions to help smooth the read. I hope I do not offend. Bless, F.G.

[Black Cat Fever]

What a great series of questions. Would we be honest in all those situations but especially the last one which I think is most important to the writer.

[Ruth]

To have that confession of pure love is everything!
Lovely poem
xx

[Poetic Beauty]

This is a great way to vent your emotions and let them all out. I can feel them in each and every line. the flow is a little off but the content of this poem powers over that so I say well done.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like the set-up of this poem. Very good questions leading to a excellent ending of hope. Last lines were my favorite. A excellent poem. Thank you.
Coyote

[Inci]

short but sweet write..

[ScarlettTheDreamer]

Good. Simply adore the last line! I like it

[Wicahpi]

interesting way to express a sort-of oath
or to pursue a quest for truth in love.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

compelling and attention grabbing~ very good rhyme schematic~

[KatiePie]

This really pulled me in, it holds sense of knowledge in it and I adore that about your work. The way it ends is like a final punch. Great write. ^_^
-Cathrine