Dust

Dust is all thats left when you ground up my heart.

Ash is all that left when my world fell apart.

Is there no pity?

Is that joy in your eyes?

Laybour of love, more pain then joy

Dust and ash mix with the tears and dripping blood of those you tormented.

Paint my would in shades of the deepest crimson, the cloudyest grey and the darkest black.

With closed hearts we wait
We sit and we prey

Karma will find you
Stab you where you stabbed us
While we stand strong, seal our hearts, and move on.

 

 

Author's Note

Ignore bad spelling/grammer and reveiw! thanks

Reviews

[L.P. Hawkins]

This is an interesting piece of hurt and the want of retribution. Mistakes aside, the reader can understand the mindset of the narrator. Good work for a first draft; however, easy fixes should be made before presenting work.
Advice:
Never ask the reader to ignore poor spelling/grammar. As much as writing is fun, if we want to hone our craft and/or present it to others, we have a job to make it readable. The reader is your customer--make it easy for them to enjoy your creation without distraction or need of translation. Also, the poem switches from first person singular to first person plural ("I" to "We") which is confusing.

[Tribute To Jadey]

I disagree with HeartThief, I think the amount of times 'dust and 'ash' were used suited perfectly for this piece. This is slightly depressing, but at the end there is a glimmor of hope shining through and letting in the sun for we all pick ourselves up and we do move on. As for Karma I pray to the good lord that you are right, because our exs deserve it...Most times, especially if they are dickheads, but then again, I suppose some of them should be given a second chance, and yes, I am aware Im getting awat from the point here.
I think maybe you could break it up a little bit, instead of having the long lines, maybe make them two lines.
All in all, this is another amazing write. Well done

[Phillitup]

This poem is tragic and depressing, good job! You did wonderfully explaining the meaning of your poem. Good work! Nicely penned.
Best regards,
Dell

[GorgEOus NiGhtMarE]

thankyou

[zainul]

Nice efforts

[Akira]

I loved this, but I found the words dust and ash used a bit too much and "paint my world". I really love the line "Is there no pity? Is that joy in your eyes?" it's the best part! :)

[GorgEOus NiGhtMarE]

Thanks ! And yer I really need to fix that.