I used to burn candles in my room to bury the smell of past lives, scents like roses or geraniums sticking to the paint on my wall. But the flame threw shadows of stories I should have forgotten against my furniture, and I had to bite something to keep the panic inside me. I used to know all these simple ways to make love scream, but it always got too loud. Now the vibrations are still in the floorboards, creaking when I step in those forbidden places and unleashing new tremors with old feelings.
But I've got something much stronger than a candle burning inside me these days, and the decay of the past is something I can watch without feeling cold. I am wrist to wrist with something I can't quite fathom, something I never thought could be as real as everyone else made it seem.
They changed the carpet while I was away - the dark one where only I could see the stains from blood and alcohol and the indentations from his footprints - and gone with it is everything I ever felt for him.