Exploration

A Poem by Sydney

Just a lovey-dovey exploration of feelings. Intended as a spoken word piece, which is the reason for the seemingly odd line breaks.

It starts with a wandering thought.
It's late, and I'm young and intoxicated by the promise that brings. You know,
It's only natural that my mind would wander at this hour.
It's not surprising that I find myself lost in a sea of images of you, your
fingertips brushing my hair and your
lips caressing my neck or
your teeth teasing at my n****e,
hair petting turns to yanking,
slide yourself inside me - I'm
sorry, I got carried away, didn't I?
It happens a lot these days. I'm confused-
How do I tell the difference between every horny teenage fling on the planet and real emotional connection?
I'm starting to doubt my ability to distinguish between the emotional and the erotic, the lustful and the loving and I
am so consumed by you that I don't know where to begin.

I suppose I could begin with the way my body tingles when you call me baby, or
how "I'm your person" or
the times when you say my name
and everything makes sense
if only for a moment.
I could begin with the first time you used the word love.
How you said it with panic in your voice, threw it at me
like a life preserver because you
thought I was drowning when I was only trying to swim away from you...
but I still let you use it to reel me back in.
But maybe, you were right, maybe,
I was drowning and I was too far under to notice, maybe you
have always been what could save me, even when I thought
I was making it on my own.
Maybe I was wrong.
Maybe
I am wrong.

But nothing feels wrong
with the way your voice makes me feel full,
with how the promises of forever with you glitter like stars in my sky and I want nothing more than to map out our constellations together.
Nothing feels wrong with the way you thirst for my body like no one ever has.
Baby, you look at me like you are lost in the desert and my body is the last drop of water you'll ever see and I...
Love it.

Yes, yes, I love your body too.
I love
how the light in your eyes betrays the joy your smirk tries to mask, how
your arms stand strong and brave like pillars promising me perpetual protection, how
the curve of your back reminds me of a question mark, prompting beautiful inquiries in my mind I have no idea how to answer.

I think I love you for that.
I love you for the unanswered questions.
I love you for the words we say boldly that should probably be tentative.
I love you for the praises, the always-present security of you, the passion.
I love you not just because you worship my body, but because I know you will be willing to teach me how to worship Her, too.
Because I see now that the life preserver isn't a restraint but a vehicle
that will guide me to what will really keep me afloat:
You.