Gone

after many days and nights

of suffering

of false visions

and faded memories

THEY ARE GONE

one, he passed into ash

one, he became a stone

one, she remained a body buried to decay

but none of them are here

any longer

their age ate away at them

like the river eats its shore

and one day

nothing

nothing

empty air

were they here?

I might have sworn it

there is a hole in the earth where they stood

a silence in the hearts where they loved

the empty places say

they were here

but empty places are

empty places are

nothing more than empty places

Reviews

[emipoemi]

ok.....woah! I needed to take a breath after this one. Overall brilliance, profundity and power! The only thing I would suggest you do with this in order to make it better is flow those repetitions so they match the musicality and take out the pronouns, for they don't mean anything to the readers.

Observe:

Stanza 2 - "one passed into ash
one became a stone
one remained a body buried to decay"

without the pronouns, not only do the lines flow better, it adds a better intriguing aspect to these people that you won't get with their presence (since their presence begs the question "Who are these people to the "I" of the poem). Same goes for "I might have sworn it". This is the only instance where the pronoun "I" appears, and it kind of takes away from the power that emits from the impersonality of the piece. My recommendation: "Were they here? It seemed they were" (or simply "so it seemed").

The repetitions:

Observe how the musicality flows much better if you extend lines to accommodate those repetitions.

-"and one day
nothing
nothing
only empty air"

Without the "only" it still works, but what the "only" does is add power and flow to enable the readers/listeners to take in the effects of the piece much easier since the line would be hanging in the air for a moment longer (won't be as fleeting).

-"but empty places are
empty places are
empty places are
nothing more than empty places"

Repetitions have a tendency to sound good in threes the majority of the times (the "nothing" one being an exception), so you could either go that way or simply say it bluntly: "but empty places are nothing more than empty places", which is equally as powerful (and a phenomenal line at that).

An outstanding poem overall. Truly amazing. Like I said, I had to take a breath afterwards. Well freaking done!