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Kiki Hernandez walked quickly down the busy San Francisco street, clutching her large shopping bags. Her short black hair blew into her dark brown eyes and tickled her nose. Suddenly, a gust of wind swept up the twenty dollar bill she clutched in her hand, and she chased after it. The crisp green paper fell to the ground, and before Kiki could even reach for it, a young man picked it up and handed it to her.
“Thank you so much!” Kiki took her money from his outstretched hand and tucked it safely into her yellow purse. “I thought I was about to be twenty bucks poorer, and I don’t need that.”
The man offered a heart-stopping grin. “Yeah, I don’t need that either. By the way, I’m Stewart.” He held out his hand for Kiki to shake, and she gave it a firm squeeze.
As their hands touched, Kiki felt a surge of passionate energy run through her body. “My name’s Keagan Jermaine. Call me Kiki,” she told him with a smile that lit up her eyes.
Stewart averted his eyes and shifted nervously. “Hey,” he finally said, “if you’re not busy right now, would you like to catch a bite to eat with me? If you don’t, then that’s okay...”
Kiki took both of his hands in hers. “Of course I would, but my bags are weighing me down, so let me get these things to my car first.” She released his hands, and Stewart took a deep sigh of relief as he followed her to the car.
“I know this great little place in Japantown if you’re interested,” Stewart said after Kiki locked up her old, beat up green Dodge Dart.
“They have sushi?” Kiki asked.
“Sure do. Would they be a Japanese restaurant without it? And get this; the sushi sits on these little boats that float around, and all you have to do is grab the one you want.”
“Cool. I love the stuff.”
Stewart stopped abruptly and turned to look at Kiki. “You don’t feel weird about this, do you? I mean, with us just meeting and all?”
Kiki shook her head, and her straight black hair hit her face. “Nope. It’s not like this is the first time some random guy has retrieved my runaway cash and treated me to lunch at the same time.” She gave him a little wink.
Stewart gawked at her, but then understood that she was teasing him. “Oh, you’re joking,” he said in a monotone.
Kiki touched his arm. “My, don’t we catch on fast?”
Stewart grabbed for her hand and took it in his. They exchanged shy smiles with each other. If there’s such a thing as love at first sight, Stewart thought, than this is definitely it.
“This is the best sushi I’ve ever eaten!” Kiki said as she fed Stewart a California roll.
“I told you this place was awesome,” Stewart replied once he chewed his food.
Kiki smiled. “Thanks for this.”
“For what, lunch? No problem, Kiki. I wanted to take you out to get to know you, and I’m glad I did. You’re perfect.”
“You know, you’re the first guy that’s been interested in me in a long time,” Kiki confided. “Most people are turned off by me, and a lot of guys I’ve been interested in want a boyfriend that dresses like a boy or a girlfriend that’s actually a girl. They’re not interested in me...a guy-girl...a he-she...whatever. But this is who I am, and I’m not gonna change for anybody, you know?”
Stewart understood. Many of his gay friends were not attracted to cross-dressers but desired a man. However, Stewart was different. He had felt an immediate attraction towards Kiki and wanted to be with her, no matter how she dressed. “Well, I think you are the prettiest person I’ve ever laid eyes on.”
Kiki felt her cheeks growing hot. “You’re just saying that.”
“No, I’m not. I’m f*****g serious. You are honest to God the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met.”
“And man?”
“I don’t know about that yet,” he replied with a grin.
Kiki smiled back and kissed him softly on the lips.
“What’s gotten you so happy?” Stewart’s roommate, Douglas, asked.
“I met this girl. She’s so sweet...and pretty.”
“But I thought you were, oh never mind.”
“Gay?” Stewart laughed. “Wait until you meet her. She’ll make you swoon.”
“She’s that amazing, huh?”
“She’s perfect...and Douglas?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m bi.”
Douglas looked sympathetic and patted his friend on the back. “Keep telling yourself that, buddy.”
Stewart rolled his eyes and grabbed his orange jacket from the coat rack. He had a date with Kiki in thirty minutes, and he did not want to keep her waiting.
When Stewart arrived at the downtown restaurant, he took a seat at the dimly lit bar and looked around for Kiki, but she was not there yet, so he ordered a drink. Sitting next to him was a blonde woman in a tight red dress, and she leaned over and whispered in his ear. “You have the sexiest lips I’ve ever seen...so pouty.”
Stewart backed away slightly. “Honey, you’re drunk.”
She giggled. “I’m Laura.” She placed her long, red-nailed fingers down on Stewart’s knee and began to slowly move her hand farther and farther up his leg.
He grabbed her hand. “Hey, cool it. I don’t think my girlfriend will appreciate this.”
As if on cue, Kiki traipsed into the room. She was dressed in a baby blue sweater, a neon green skirt, and hot pink tights. She draped her arms around Stewart and kissed his cheek. “Hi wonderful.”
Laura stopped touching Stewart and made a face. “Right, a girlfriend. F**s.” She picked up her drink and stalked off to the other side of the bar, flipping them the bird.
Kiki took the now vacant seat next to Stewart and gave him a quizzical look. “What was that all about?”
Stewart shrugged his shoulders. “Some crazy drunken w***e trying to flirt with me. I told her to back off and all, and when you came, she got all pissy and walked away.”
“No funny business?” she jokingly asked with raised eyebrows.
“With her? No way. It’s only you.”
Kiki laid her head on his lap. “Hey mister.”
“Hey back.”
“What can I get you?” the bartender asked.
Kiki sat up, and Stewart ordered himself a Miller Light and a Cosmopolitan for Kiki. “Do you want my olive?” she asked him.
“If you don’t,” Stewart answered.
Kiki popped the olive into Stewart’s mouth. They had a few more drinks, and when they were getting a little tipsy, they decided to leave.
It was rather late, but they did not want to turn it in. Kiki led Stewart through downtown San Francisco, trying to find something to do. She heard awful screeching, and she dragged Stewart towards the brutal noise. A small stage was set up, and there was a karaoke machine.
“Let’s do it!” Kiki said excitedly. She took his hands and shook them rapidly.
Stewart was hesitant. “I...I don’t know.”
Kiki pouted her lips. “Pretty please with sugar on top?”
“Oh, why do you have to be so cute?” Stewart asked in exasperation as he walked over to read through the song selections with her. Kiki clapped her hands enthusiastically, and together they picked out a song.
After a few minutes of waiting, the announcer said, “Next up we have Miss Kiki and her partner, Stewart.”
“Why does your name get to come first?” Stewart asked in pretend annoyance as he followed behind Kiki, who was skipping up to the stage. They began to sing Don’t Go Breaking My Heart, and Kiki danced around the stage.
The crowd hooted and hollered, and the couple kissed in front of the group, which brought more cheers. After taking a bow, they climbed down from the stage and left the crowd behind.
“Want to come back to my place?” Stewart asked. Kiki smiled, and he took that as a yes. They walked the remaining three blocks to Stewart’s apartment.
“Nice place,” Kiki said as she dropped her purse onto the couch upon entering the building.
“Yeah right,” Stewart said sarcastically.
“Do you live here by yourself?”
“No. I’ve got a roommate, Doug. He’s probably around here somewhere.”
“Then we should be quiet?” Kiki asked as she lowered herself onto the couch, pulling Stewart down with her. She put her finger against his lips, then wrapped her arms around him.
Stewart felt warm in her embrace. He ran his fingers though her hair, then pulled off her wig. He rubbed his palm against the short, dark curls on top of Kiki’s head and kissed her passionately.
“Is that you, Stew?” Douglas called out.
The two jumped, and Kiki reached for her wig. Stewart helped her adjust it, and she straightened out her clothes.
Douglas laughed. “Trying to cover it up, huh? What are you two lovebirds up to?”
“Nothing,” Stewart replied. Kiki glanced around awkwardly.
“Is this the girl you’ve been talking about nonstop?”
“Shut-up.” Stewart’s face felt hot from embarrassment, but Kiki grabbed his hand and squeezed it.
Douglas turned on the light and looked taken aback by Kiki, but he quickly recovered. “Oh, isn’t this cute?” He sat down between them and wrapped his arms around them both. He exhaled deeply.
“B***h,” Stewart said with a grin. “Trying to break us up? Jealous? Don’t worry, it’s all you, buddy.” He laughed.
Kiki began to cough abruptly, and both Stewart and Douglas glanced at her worriedly. When the coughing subsided, Kiki stood and grabbed her purse. “I have to go, sweetie. Call me tomorrow?”
Stewart did not want her to go, but he said, “Yeah, sure. Want me to walk you home?”
“No, I’ll haul a cab, but thanks.”
Stewart stood up. “I’ll walk you out.” He wrapped his arm around her waist and led her outside into the crisp autumn air. Kiki started coughing again, and Stewart grasped her protectively. “Are you sure you don’t want me to walk you home?”
When Kiki settled down, she shook her head. “No...I’m fine. I just need to get home. Hey, watch this.” She pulled up her skirt and stuck out her leg, and a taxi stopped for her almost immediately.
“I’m gifted,” she said. Stewart laughed and kissed her. Kiki fluttered her arms and slid into the cab. Stewart watched as it pulled away.
“So that’s the girl you were talking about?” Douglas asked with a teasing smile when Stewart came back into the apartment.
Stewart grew defensive and crossed his arms. “Yes, that’s her.”
“She seems nice.”
“Are you making fun?”
“No, I’m serious. She seems good for you, and nicer than most of the people you’ve dated.”
Stewart thought that Douglas would have made fun of him, but he was glad that his friend had not. “I really, really like her, Doug. I mean, I just met her the other day, but I think I already love her. She’s beautiful...He’s handsome. I’ve never felt this way before.”
Douglas smiled. “That’s awesome, Stew. I want you to be happy, and it seems to me you are.”
“I am.” Stewart felt almost bad for his friend. Douglas used to have a crush on Stewart, but Stewart had always only wanted to be friends. They had known each other since elementary school, and Stewart had never thought of Douglas as anything other than a close friend. He hoped that Douglas had long forgotten that ordeal.
Douglas was quiet for a moment, then he said, “Is she sick or something? She sure was coughing a lot.”
Stewart could not hide his anxiety. “I...I don’t know. I’m worried about her, though.”
“I know. I can tell. I’m sure she’ll be okay, though. Don’t worry too much, okay?”
“All right. I’m gonna hit the sack. I’m beat.”
Douglas nodded. “Good night.”
“’Night.” Stewart made his way to the small single bedroom and threw himself onto the bed, falling into a deep sleep.
“Hey baby,” Stewart said to Kiki over the phone the next morning.
“Hi there! How are you, lover?”
“Fine. And you? You worried me like crazy last night.”
“I’m sorry, doll. I didn’t mean to.”
“As long as you’re okay...Well, do you want to meet up somewhere?”
“Yeah, of course. How about the park?”
“Sure. Be there in an hour.” Stewart hung up the phone and got dressed. “I’m going out,” he called to Douglas before he shut the door behind him.
When he arrived at the park, Kiki was already there sitting on a bench. She was dressed in a bright green turtleneck, a yellow skirt, and white tights with pink and blue polka-dots. She was staring off into the distance, but when she sensed his presence, she jumped up and ran towards him.
Stewart grabbed her and spun her around in circles, then planted a kiss on her red lips.
“I love you,” he whispered.
“I love you back,” she replied. Kiki took his hand and interlocked their fingers, kissing his pale knuckles. Stewart was tall and thin with spiked black hair and pretty blue eyes. Kiki was tall as well, and rather skinny. Her hair was dark, with or without a wig, and her soulful eyes were brown. She had a beautiful skin color; her father was Puerto Rican and Caucasian, and her mother was African American and French, so she had a diverse ethnic mix.
Kiki twisted about. “Let’s raamba!”
“What?”
Kiki did a Spanish catcall and took Stewart’s hands. “Senor, may I have this dance?”
Stewart bowed. “It would be my pleasure, Senorita.”
The two of them began to tango, and people were staring, but they did not care. “This is fun. Being with you is fun,” Stewart said as he dipped Kiki backwards.
“And being with you makes my heart skip a beat,” Kiki added as Stewart twirled her around.
“You’re my angel, my hope, my dream. I could never have asked for a love better than this.”
Kiki stopped dancing and took his face in her hands. “Kiss me, lover.”
He did as she said without hesitation.
“What are you supposed to be?” Douglas asked Kiki as he let her into the apartment.
She was dressed in a tight red pleather jumpsuit with a long, straight blonde wig and a headpiece. “Britney Spears in her ‘Oops I Did It Again’ days.”
“So that’s why my roommate’s dressed like Justin Timberlake?”
Kiki laughed. “Where’s my little boy band lover, anyway?”
Stewart appeared out from the little kitchenette area and grinned. “Hey there, my precious pop princess,” he said as he kissed her cheek. He tugged on her hair and said, “I love the ‘do.”
Kiki rubbed her fingers through Stewart’s curly, dirty blonde wig. “And I love yours.”
“Way to make me feel left out,” Douglas said.
“Where’s Mark?” Stewart asked, referring to Douglas’ five-month boyfriend.
“He said he’d come, but...”
“But?” Kiki pressed.
“He’s not here yet. What if he doesn’t show up?” he complained.
There was a soft knock on the door, and Douglas beamed. “That must be him!” He opened the door and threw his arms around his boyfriend. “I’m so happy you came.”
“Same here. I like your costume.” Douglas was dressed up as an eighties rocker. Mark was dressed as a hobo. Stewart thought that the two made an odd couple even when they were not outfitted for Halloween. Douglas was short with full cheeks, and he had blonde hair that fell into his baby blue eyes. Mark, on the other hand, was a tall man with wavy black hair, hazel eyes, and a goatee. He was somewhat on the gruff side, and Douglas had a more child-like appearance.
“Do you have anything to drink?” Kiki asked, bringing Stewart’s attention back onto herself and off of Douglas and Mark.
“Yeah babe, witch’s brew. It’s warm beer with green food coloring and Alka-Seltzer tablets to make it foam.”
“Did you make it?”
“That I did.”
“Then I’ll have some.”
Stewart poured her a cup from the steaming cauldron, and she took it graciously. “Does this have a hint of apple?” she asked after taking a sip.
“Oh yeah, apple cider. I forgot about that.”
“So what’s on the agenda?” Kiki asked. “I’m ready to party!”
“I’m not sure. Hey, Doug?” No one answered, so Stewart looked around. Douglas was gone, and so was Mark. “Hold on, babe.” Stewart knocked on the bedroom door, and when no one answered, he opened it. “Oh my God.” Stewart leaned against the door, his eyes wide in disgust.
Kiki tried to suppress her giggles, but she failed miserably. “So, what did Dougie say?”
“Well, those two are sexing it up in there, so I guess if he had noticed me, he would have told us to go have fun without them.”
Kiki did not need reassuring. “Then let’s go,” she said as she pulled on Stewart’s hand.
They went to a club in the middle of San Francisco. Almost everybody was dressed up, and many people were obviously drunk. “Let’s dance, Miss Spears.” Stewart said as he took Kiki’s hands and dragged her out onto the dance floor.
While walking back to Kiki’s house that evening, a man began to harass her. He ripped the wig off of her head and threw it to the ground. “Don’t you dare touch her!” Stewart screamed.
“Shut up, homo. It’s f*****g people like you that ruin this damned world; sick f**s and perverted transvestites. You disgust me.” He spat on the ground next to Kiki’s feet.
“What the hell’s your problem?” Stewart demanded.
The man shoved him back, and Stewart balled up his fist, but Kiki held him back. “No honey, he’s not worth it.”
“Yeah, listen to that piece of s**t. It’ll save you from getting your a*s beat.”
Stewart was fuming and wanted to give the man a taste of his own medicine, but he knew Kiki did not want him to. By this point, a crowd had formed around them, causing the man to put his guard down. “F*g lovers!” he shouted and spat in Kiki’s face before turning to leave.
“You all right?” someone asked as Kiki wiped the wetness from her face. Although she was in shock, she nodded and the crowd slowly dispersed.
“I can’t believe that prick. Are you okay, honey?”
“I’m fine,” she said as she bent down to pick up her now mangy wig. “Let’s just hurry to my house so I can clean up.”
Stewart nodded and took Kiki’s hand in his. “That guy was such an a*s.”
“Let’s just drop it, doll.”
Stewart did not know how Kiki could be so calm, but he simply said “fine” and left it at that.
“Mommy, I have arrived!” Kiki said as she walked into her house. “And I brought a friend.” She waltzed happily into the bathroom to wash her face, leaving Stewart alone.
A pretty, light-skinned woman appeared in the doorway from another room. She smiled and said, “Where did that child of mine run off to?”
“Bathroom, ma’am,” Stewart answered.
“You must be Stewart. My son talks about you all the time.”
Stewart blushed. “I like her...him...a lot, ma’am.”
“That’s good because he’s very fond of you. And you don’t need to call me ma’am sweetheart, it makes me feel old. Call me Janice.”
“Are you sure?” When Kiki’s mother nodded, Stewart said, “Okay then, Janice it is.”
Keagan Jermaine came back into the room. He had taken off the Britney Spears outfit and had changed into jeans and a black sweatshirt. He went over and stood behind Stewart and began to massage his shoulders. “Mother, this is my wonderful boyfriend.”
“Yes, we’ve already been acquainted,” Janice said.
Keagan stuck out his tongue. “Well, sucks to you. I’m going to do it anyway.”
Janice nodded. “Go ahead, sweetheart.”
“Mhm.” Keagan snapped his fingers and gave a devious grin. “This is the oh so marvelous Stewart Welsh, and this is the best mommy ever, Janice Degas-Hernandez.”
“Nice to meet you,” Stewart and Janice said in unison to satisfy Keagan. He grinned, but fell into another fit of coughs.
“Come with me baby,” Janice said, and she led her son away.
“What’s wrong?” Stewart asked Kiki. “You scared the s**t out of me the other night.”
“I’m sorry baby,” she said. In an attempt to change the subject, she asked him to dance with her. She stood up and sashayed about in her short white dress with big colorful flowers.
“Take me seriously,” Stewart pleaded.
Kiki stopped and her smile vanished. “Okay.”
“Okay? Then tell me what’s wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
“What’s up with these coughing spells of yours? This has been going on for a while, and there’s gotta be a reason. I’m just worried about you.”
Kiki sighed. “Okay, I’ll tell you. But stay calm, this is serious.”
Stewart’s heart began to beat rapidly, but he gestured for her to go on.
“All right. The coughing is because of my CF...cystic fibrosis. It’s a disease that affects the lungs and I was diagnosed with it at birth. That’s why I cough a lot.” She looked up at him, her face questioning.
“Are you serious?” Stewart was dumbfounded. He could not believe her words. How could any of this be possible?
“Would I lie?”
Stewart patted the space on the couch next to him. “Come here.”
Kiki sat down, and he hugged her. “CF is incurable. There are ways to treat it, but I’m always going to have it...until death.”
“Kiki, no. I hate that word.”
“But it’s true.”
“How...how do you treat it?”
“I have to take meds and inhalants, and my mom has to pound me a ton of times a day.”
“Are you kidding?”
“No, it’s to break up mucous. I know, it’s gross.”
“Nothing about you is gross, Kiki,” Stewart replied.
She smiled and kissed him. “Males with CF are sterile, you know?”
“So?”
“That means we can’t have kids.”
They both began to laugh because they knew that this was already an impossible fate.
“I want to learn how to do your thumps,” Stewart said two weeks after learning about Kiki’s illness.
“Why would you want to do that?” she called out from the bedroom. They were both at Stewart’s apartment, and Kiki was trying on a new dress.
“Because I want to take care of you,” he replied.
“You already take care of me just by loving me.”
“But I want to learn, babe.”
Kiki came back into the front room, dressed in her new metallic colored halter dress with black pumps. “I feel like I need to go party or something in this.”
Stewart stared at her, taking in her beauty. She waved her hand in front of his face, bringing him back to reality. “You look good,” he told her. “But quit changing the subject. I want to learn your thumps. Yes or no?”
“Well, I don’t know. You’d have to ask my mom to teach you, but I don’t even see why you’d want to.”
“Because I love you,” Stewart pleaded. He got down on his knees and pouted. “Please...please let me learn.”
Kiki looked defeated. “Fine, I’ll have my mom show you...but you gotta promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“You’ll only do my thumps if my mom’s not around and I really need it.”
Stewart had hoped that he would be able to do Kiki’s thumps all of the time, but he was lucky that she had even agreed, so he nodded and said that was fine.
“Okay, now let’s party!” Kiki grabbed her coat, and they left.
“Merry Christmas!” Douglas shouted as Stewart and Kiki entered the room. Kiki was dressed in a short, Mrs. Claus dress and Stewart was wearing a Santa Claus suit. “My, don’t we look festive?”
“Feliz Navidad. Joyeux Noel. Now where’s the mistletoe?” Kiki asked. She looked around mischievously.
“In the kitchen,” Douglas replied.
Kiki brought Stewart beneath the mistletoe and kissed him with passion, which he returned. Douglas and Mark hooted, and after a while, Douglas pushed them out from under it. “Hey, we weren’t done!” Stewart exclaimed, but his friend and Mark were already lip-locked under the greenery.
“Just because there’s no mistletoe doesn’t mean we can’t kiss,” Kiki said with a playful look in her eyes.
Stewart smiled. “I wanna give you your present first.”
“You didn’t have to get me anything,” she told him, but Stewart had already handed her a small golden box tied with red ribbon. She opened it slowly, delicately, and squealed. Inside, on a soft white layer of tissue, lay a gold ring. She took it out and slipped it onto her finger. It was a perfect fit. In the center of the gold band was a tiny diamond, and it was engraved with the words ‘My One and Only’ in sophisticated scripture. “It’s beautiful. This must have cost you a fortune.”
“Nothing’s too expensive for you. You’re worth the world to me, Kiki.”
“Thank you so much.” She felt tears filling in her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away. “I’ve got you something for you, too. It’s in your neighbor’s apartment...or at least it should be. That’s where I left it this morning.”
“My crazy drunken neighbor actually let you store your gift in his place?”
“Not exactly...he shouldn’t have left the door unlocked.”
“And what were you doing here this morning?”
“Looking for a nearby place to hide your present. I just hope it’s still there.”
“What? Do you think it could have walked off or something?” Stewart smirked, but when Kiki shrugged her shoulders, his face grew serious. “Oh my God, what did you get me, Kiki?”
She grinned and stepped out into the hall. When she came back in, she was leading a dog on a leash. It was a puppy of a mixed breed with floppy ears and brown, black, and white fur. “Holy crap. You know they don’t allow pets here,” Stewart moaned.
“But baby, it’s Christmas. I can’t just take him back to the pound. Besides, he did you a huge favor...he took a s**t in your neighbor’s apartment.”
“Did you clean it up?”
“No.”
Stewart laughed. “Okay, I guess we’ll keep the mutt. But as soon as it gets out that I have a dog in here, I’m blaming you.”
She stuck out her tongue. “Okay, but that’s not all of your present.”
“What? Is there a cat too?” he asked sarcastically.
“Check Jack’s collar.”
“You already named it?”
“Yes, now check the collar.”
Stewart fiddled with the small silver box tied to the bright red collar. Finally, he was able to untie the box and held it in his hand. “It’s a nice-looking box. Thanks.”
Kiki rolled her eyes at him. “Look inside the box, silly.”
The box was tiny, about the size of a fingernail. He did not know how anything could fit into it, but he unlatched it anyway. Inside the box lay a rolled up piece of paper. He took it out and silently read the miniscule print. “Be my keeper?” Stewart asked aloud, a look of puzzlement on his face.
“I want you to be a keeper. I want you to do all my thumps for now on. I want you to take care of me, and I want to take care of you. I want us to live together and ultimately, I want to marry you one of these days,” Kiki said with serious eyes.
Stewart’s eyes, in turn, welled with tears, and he allowed them to silently stream down his face. “I love you,” he murmured. “Oh God, I love you.” He rubbed his face against hers and kissed her head. He then led her to the bedroom. They slept with each other for the first time that night.
“Watch carefully Stewart,” Janice said, “So you’ll know how to do his pounds.”
Keagan was laying on the carpeted floor, and his mother was kneeling over him. She cupped her hands and began to pound his chest with a steady rhythm, then she flipped him onto his back and did the same. Keagan made choking noises and spit up phlegm. Stewart watched in shock. How could he take care of Keagan? He was horrified that he would hurt him. “Do you see what I’m doing?” Janice asked. “Are you ready to try?”
Stewart was hesitant, but he knelt down and did as Janice had done. He pounded softly at first, but after Keagan urged him to do it harder, he thumped with all his might. “Okay, that’s good,” Keagan said in a small, raspy voice. “I’ll be right back.” He stood up and made his way to the bathroom.
“You’re not hurting him by hitting him like that, you know? You’re helping him...remember that. You’ve got to get the phlegm lose and broken up.”
“I know,” Stewart replied. “I just hate having to hit him so hard.”
“If you’re not ready for the responsibility, you don’t have to take it yet.”
Stewart shook his head. “No, I’ll do it. I’m willing.”
Keagan came back into the room and wrapped his arm around Stewart’s waist. Stewart smiled at Keagan, and then at Janice. He knew that Janice had given up her position as caregiver to her son, and he was now and forever Keagan’s keeper.
Stewart and Douglas helped Keagan carry his boxes into their apartment, for he was moving in. He would be staying in Stewart’s room with him. His mother had been hesitant towards the idea of her son leaving, but she liked Stewart and thought he was capable of helping Keagan, so she allowed her child to move and wished them well. Douglas had been bitter about the idea at first, but finally decided that he would welcome Keagan into their home. He later confessed to Stewart that he was jealous of the bond his roommate and Keagan shared, and that was the reason he had acted so poorly. “But you have Mark,” Stewart had replied. “Yes,” Douglas had answered, “But I don’t feel for him the same way you and Kiki feel for each other. I want to know what true love is.” Stewart’s heart had reached out for his friend, but he was happy to have the experience of love. Douglas had apologized for being so immature, and he had personally called Keagan to invite him to move in with them.
After the three of them finished bringing all of the boxes in, Keagan said, “This is gonna be so cool...just the three of us guys.” He made quotes with his fingers when he said the word guys. “Hanging out, having fun. Awesome.”
Stewart snuggled up against Keagan, and Douglas walked away into the kitchenette to occupy himself. “I want a sandwich. Are you guys hungry?”
He received no response. Keagan and Stewart were sitting on the couch, making out, not paying a lick of attention to anyone else.
“Hey, it’s New Year’s Eve. Save the face eating for when the ball drops,” Douglas said, but they acted as if they could not hear him, and Douglas ate his lunch alone.
Late that night, the countdown began. Stewart and Kiki held each other tight, as did Mark and Douglas. “Five, four, three, two, one...Happy New Year!” the people on the television cried out, and the two couples kissed each other.
After a few minutes, when they finally broke away from each other, Kiki stared at Stewart with smiling eyes. “What?” Stewart asked.
“I’m glad we started the New Year together. It’s like a new beginning, a new life...with you.”
“I know, right? And your first night of the new year is in this lousy apartment with me. That’s cool as hell.”
Kiki nodded and twirled around the room. “Any New Year’s resolutions?”
“To spend the rest of my life with you.”
Kiki stopped. “Is this a proposal?”
“An unofficial one, yes. The ring’s on layaway.” Stewart said with a grin.
She furrowed her eyebrows. “Are you serious?”
He nodded. “Do you want me to get down on one knee?”
Kiki threw her arms around him. “Oh my God!”
Douglas looked over at them. “What the f**k?”
“We are unofficially engaged,” Stewart replied.
“After what? Less than five months of dating?”
“Yeah,” Stewart said. “So?”
“Damn it,” Douglas cursed as he turned away from them. He grabbed Mark’s hand and slammed the door shut.
Stewart and Kiki exchanged glances. “What was that about?” she asked.
“I don’t know.” Stewart stared at the door and wondered what was bothering his friend.
Kiki was resting on Stewart’s chest. They were both laying on the bed, and Stewart was running his fingers through her hair. She looked up at him and kissed him lightly on the lips. “I’m worried about your friend,” she said. “He seems so down. Is it my fault? Did I do something wrong?”
Stewart shook his head. “I don’t know what’s wrong with him, but I doubt it’s your fault. You’ve never done anything to him.”
Kiki shrugged. “You’re right, I guess, but I wish I could make him feel better. Maybe give him a hug.”
Stewart tugged Kiki’s hair affectionately and pulled her close. “Maybe I need a hug.”
She smiled. “All right, lover. Here it goes.” She squeezed him tightly, then lifted up his shirt to run her warm fingers along his smooth torso. She kissed him again, and fell asleep on his shoulder. Stewart eyed her with adoration, then gently lifted her up and leaned her back onto the pillow. He stared at her for a moment and smiled at how peaceful she looked. He then rubbed his fingers against her soft cheek and went to get a snack from the kitchen.
Douglas did not come back until late that night. Kiki had already retired to the bedroom hours before, and Stewart was half asleep with the television blaring, a candy wrapper clenched in his hand. Douglas quietly clicked the door shut and slowly crept across the room. Stewart heard him and woke up. “Where have you been?” he asked with his eyebrows lowered.
“Out.” Douglas did not so much as glance at him.
“Obviously. Out where? You were gone all day.”
“Nowhere. I was thinking.”
“About?”
Douglas stomped his feet childishly. “Quit badgering me, damn it!”
Stewart glanced at the bedroom door. “Shut up, Kiki’s sleeping.”
“To hell with Kiki.”
“F**k off, Doug,” Stewart said angrily. “What’s with you?”
Douglas sank to the floor and lowered his head. “I’m sorry for being an a*s...It’s just...”
“Just what?” Stewart had lost his hostility and longed to comfort his friend because he was obviously upset. “Talk to me.”
“You and Kiki are gonna get married someday. It’s just not fair.”
“But when me and Kiki first met, you said you were happy for us.”
“I was...I am.” Douglas shrugged his shoulders. “I just want to be with someone like that...someone I can look at and say, ‘that’s the one.’”
“What about Mark?” Stewart was trying to feel empathetic, but it was extremely hard for him to relate.
“What me and Mark have is intimate, and intimate only. I want to be with someone that I can actually talk to.”
“Did you tell Mark all this?”
“Yeah, once...but Mark doesn’t know how to listen. All he wants to do is suck and make-out.”
“I can get Kiki to try and hook you up with one of her friends if you want,” Stewart suggested.
Douglas shook his head. “I wanna find my perfect someone on my own, but thanks.
“All right.” Stewart paused, thinking of what Kiki had said earlier. “Do you need a hug or something?”
Douglas stood up. “No, I’m good.”
“What are you gonna do about Mark?”
“We’re through,” Douglas said. With that, he disappeared into his room and left Stewart standing there baffled. Finally, Stewart recomposed himself and went to bed with Kiki.
“What do you mean, they’re through?” Kiki asked after Stewart told her about the events from the night before.
“That’s what I said. They’re over, done with.”
“Wow. They were just kissing yesterday morning. What happened?”
Stewart thought for a moment. “I’m not really sure,” he said, “But I do know that Doug wants what me and you have.”
Kiki grinned. “And what’s that?”
“True love,” Stewart replied, and he kissed her.
“Come on,” Kiki said as she nodded towards the door. Stewart followed.
“Where are we going?” he asked. Jack was nipping at his ankles, and he kicked the puppy away.
“Jack, heel,” Kiki commanded. The dog stopped immediately, and she tied the leash to his collar.
Stewart moaned. “You’re bringing that?”
“That has a name, and yes, I’m bringing him.”
“Well, if we’re taking him with us, let’s go down the fire-escape. No point letting the landlord see him.”
“Fine.” Kiki opened the window and threw one leg outside, glancing back seductively, then climbed the rest of the way out. Stewart drifted her way, and she took his hand and pulled him into the fresh air.
When they reached their destination, which was an animal-friendly restaurant, Kiki said, “Now you can’t tell me that this wasn’t a good idea.” She looked at Stewart from across the small cast-iron table and played footsies with him. He glanced down at Jack, who was silently eating out of a pink dog bowl. The idea of a restaurant allowing animals to eat amongst humans, even though they were outside, disgusted Stewart. However, he smiled and nodded to please her.
The waiter came to their table and asked for their order. Kiki chose a light pasta, and Stewart asked for a club sandwich. Before eating her meal, Kiki took a wide variety of pills. In the past, she would take the capsules without Stewart’s knowledge, but now that he knew about her illness, she took them openly. The pills were supposed to supply Kiki with the pancreatic enzymes that her body did not produce and to allow for proper digestion. Stewart was aware of this and accepted it, for he accepted everything about Kiki’s illness. He loved her more than anything and wanted her to be as healthy as possible.
Keagan sat between Stewart and Douglas on the couch. He was stroking his boyfriend’s arm, and Stewart rubbed his tight curls tenderly. The television was blaring, and Douglas was watching it without seeing it. Keagan’s eyes were growing heavy although it was only eight p.m. “Sweetie, I think I’m falling asleep,” Keagan said to Stewart.
He kissed him on the forehead. “You want to go to bed?”
Keagan nodded, and Stewart walked with him to the bedroom. He pulled back the blankets, and Keagan crawled under them. “I’m so exhausted,” he said, “but I hate to go to bed so early. I want hang out with you.”
Stewart placed his finger against Keagan’s lips. “Hey, you just go to sleep. Get your energy back. Besides, you look a little ill. I love you, okay?”
“I love you too,” Keagan yawned. Stewart touched his head one last time, kissed him goodnight, and went back to Douglas.
The two boys sat in silence. Douglas had barely said a word since his rampage from the beginning of the month. Stewart was concerned, but he did not want to press his friend. If Douglas wanted to talk, he would. Until then, Stewart would quietly console him.
Suddenly, an outburst of coughing came from the bedroom. Stewart jumped up and rushed into the room. Keagan was sitting up in the bed, beads of sweat on his face. He was hacking and wheezing uncontrollably. “Can’t...breathe...” he managed to say.
Stewart heard footsteps approaching, and he looked behind him. Douglas was standing at the door, fear etched onto his face. “Call an ambulance!” Stewart cried out. Keagan shook his head. “No...you drive...this has happened...before...just get me to...Doctor...Cryer.”
Stewart wanted an ambulance for Keagan, but decided to do as he said. After all, Keagan knew his own illness better than anyone else, and if he believed that he was okay, then it must be true. Stewart grabbed Keagan’s portable oxygen tank and attached the mask over his face. Then he picked Keagan up and carried him out to the car.
When they arrived at the hospital, Keagan was accepted right away. Stewart paced the waiting area of the emergency room impatiently. After quite some time, a man in green scrubs addressed Stewart. “I’m Dr. Cryer. Keagan’s fine. His breathing has been stabilized. We gave him medications to help him breathe easily.” When Stewart did not appear reassure, Dr. Cryer offered a kind-hearted smile. “Don’t worry, Keagan hasn’t been in the hospital all year. It was bound to happen sooner or later. He hadn’t been admitted since about this time last year, so he’s actually doing rather well. We used to see Keagan multiple times a year. He’s resting at the moment, but if you’d like to see him, feel free to go up to the third floor for a visit. Room 312.”
Stewart did not hesitate. He made his way to the elevator before the doctor had even closed his mouth. Stewart found Keagan’s room, and he entered cautiously. Keagan appeared to be sleeping, but his eyes fluttered open at Stewart’s touch. He gave a weak smile. “Hey babe, how are you?” Stewart asked.
“Okay...tired,” Keagan replied. His voice was low, but his breathing had gone back to a regular pattern. “And I was doing so well staying out of this joint.”
Stewart had trouble hearing Keagan’s groggy voice, so he leaned in closer. “How long are you in for?”
“However long they force me to stay. My respiratory therapist will see me first thing tomorrow, though.”
Stewart nodded. “All right. I’ll swing by tomorrow afternoon to check up on you. Right now, I want you to rest so you can get out of this hell-house. Besides, Jack will ruin the apartment if you’re not there telling him what to do. You can’t stay in here too long, or you’ll come home to a dead dog.”
Keagan gave a slight grin. Stewart kissed him softly on the forehead and left the dull room. Out in the hallway, he leaned against the door and said a silent prayer for Keagan.
“I brought you a present,” Stewart said as he entered Keagan’s hospital room. He shut the door behind him and mustered a smile.
Keagan was sitting up in the bed. He looked better than he had the night before, but he had dark circles under his eyes. “Why’d you get me a gift? It’s not my birthday or anything.”
“It’s so you won’t be lonely,” Stewart replied.
“I’m not lonely in here. I’ve got nurses streaming in and out of here all day long, plus my doctor and my therapist.” But Keagan took the gift anyway since it was from Stewart. He pulled the multicolored paper out gingerly and reached into the bag. He felt the soft plush of a sparkly pink teddy bear. “Oh, it’s so f*****g adorable! Thanks love. Give me a kiss.”
Stewart came closer to the bed and placed his lips onto Keagan’s. “So, when do you get out of here?” Stewart asked again.
“I’m not sure. My doctor wants to keep an eye on me, and I need some more therapy sessions. So I don’t know.”
“You’ll be out before Valentine’s Day, though. Right?”
“Most likely. I mean, that’s more than two weeks away.”
Stewart beamed. “Good, because I want to do something real special.”
Keagan perked up. “Like?”
“Not telling.” Stewart kissed him goodbye and left the hospital to plan for Valentine’s Day. As soon as he unlocked his apartment door, however, Douglas confronted him.
“How is he?” he asked, speaking of Keagan.
“He’s doing better. And how are you? You haven’t said a single word about Mark since New Year’s.”
“He cheated on me, okay? He f*****g screamed out the wrong name in bed!” Douglas exploded. “Good riddance, anyway. I don’t need Mark. He’s only a pretty face...but he’s so good in bed.”
Stewart offered a wry smile. “You’ll find someone, Doug. You don’t need Mark to hold you back.”
“You’re right. Mark’s probably off f*****g some other naive guy right now. Screw him.”
“You already have,” Stewart replied, and he left the room before Douglas’ pillow could hit his back.
The phone rang. It was Keagan. “They’re not letting me leave! Apparently, they’re afraid I’m gonna catch some kind of virus. ‘You’re weak and tired, and your appetite’s not up to standards. Besides, it’s cold season,’ Dr. Cryer told me. He said they’re going to keep me through Valentine’s Day.”
Stewart could tell that Keagan had been crying. He himself was upset, but he wanted to make Keagan feel better. “Don’t worry too much, baby. Just think about getting better. That’s all that matters, honey.”
There was a long pause, and then Keagan said, “Come see me. I need to be with you right now.”
Stewart did not hesitate. He clambered into his car and drove downtown.
When he reached the hospital, he hurried inside. Keagan beamed when Stewart came into the room. He set down the colorful bouquet he had bought onto the table and gave Keagan a peck on the cheek. “I’m sorry about Valentine’s Day,” Keagan said.
“No problem. We’ll make it work.”
“I don’t want to ruin this for you. I know how much you were looking forward to it and how hard you were working to plan it, and I’m just screwing everything up. I destroyed your holiday.”
Stewart was taken aback. He could not believe that Keagan was blaming himself, but he was touched by the fact that Keagan was so upset about hurting him. “No baby, no. I don’t care about that. I just want you well, you know that.”
“My doctor’s afraid I’ll catch pneumonia,” Keagan whispered, “Since it’s cold out and all. I’ve already developed a fever, so they’re keeping tabs on me.”
Stewart was scared for Keagan. He had never truly seen him sick, and he never wanted to. “I bet you’re tired of this room,” Stewart said with a false smile. “How about we go roam the halls?”
Keagan gave a slight frown. “Well, okay. My doctor advises exercise, but not too much. I’ll get tired,” he said in a mocking voice. “So if that happens, we’ll need to borrow a wheelchair.”
Stewart’s heart tightened, but he took Keagan by the arm and led him out into the hall.
“Hi sweetie,” a plump, red-headed nurse called out. “Is this the guy?”
Keagan smiled and leaned into Stewart. “Yeah, this is him.”
“Him? Are you talking about me, now?” Stewart teased.
“All the time, but never bad. There’s nothing negative about you, lover.” However, Keagan was not looking at Stewart. He was glancing around sneakily.
“What are you up to, Keagan Jermaine?”
He pulled on Stewart’s arm and said, “Come on.” Keagan opened up the big white door and peered inside. “It’s vacant.”
“What are you planning to do?”
Keagan pulled Stewart inside, pushed him onto the bed, and climbed on top of him. He put his finger up to Stewart’s lips. “Shh, don’t let them know we’re in here. They’ll ruin our party.”
“Keagan,” Stewart grumbled, but he was enjoying himself.
“I’m sick,” Keagan said with a pout, “So let me have fun.”
Stewart allowed it because deep down he knew that he wanted to. Keagan caressed his body against Stewart’s, their two figures fitting perfectly together. He grabbed Stewart’s hair and pulled the dark mass softly. Stewart kissed Keagan all over, starting on the lips and ending down below. They were panting, sweating, breathing heavily. They rubbed each other’s tender bodies until they felt united, as one. Finally, after about fifteen minutes of this, they discreetly left the room, their clothes and hair disheveled.
“That room has already been cleaned, huh? It’s been prepared for a new patient?” Stewart asked once they were back in Keagan’s room.
Keagan shrugged. “Probably.”
“Wow, remind me to never be a patient at this hospital, especially when you are.”
“You know you liked it. And besides, it would be the two of us again anyway,” Keagan giggled, and Stewart kissed him softly on the lips.
“Where are you going?” Douglas asked.
“Hospital. It’s Valentine’s Day. I can’t just let Keagan stay in there all by himself, you know.”
“I know. I just wish I had someone to spend the day with.”
“Douglas, meet Jack. Jack, meet Douglas. Go at it, doggy style.”
Jack, who was sitting on the sofa, perked up his ears. Douglas scoffed, and Stewart left after patting both of them on the head.
At the hospital, Stewart, in a sing-song voice, said, “Keagan Jermaine, I brought you a gift.”
Keagan perked up. “I’m so glad you came, love. Happy Valentine’s Day!”
“Open it.” Stewart nudged the gift closer.
Keagan took the big, white box and opened it, only to find a pink sleeper with red and white hearts on it. “It has footies!” he exclaimed.
“There’s more,” Stewart pressed.
“More?” Keagan looked into the box again. This time he pulled out his wig. Stewart had made two little pigtails at the top and had tied them with red bows. “I missed this,” Keagan said in a soft voice as he ran his fingers along the ribbons.
“I figured,” Stewart replied. “Here, let me put it on for you.” He tucked Keagan’s hair into the wig and smiled. “God, you’re adorable.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I know. Hey, I wonder if they’ll let me wear the pajamas you got me instead of this ugly gown.”
“But I like the gown.”
She wrinkled her nose. “Only because it shows my a*s. I’m gonna ask.” Kiki pressed the nurse call button.
After a minute or so, the red-haired nurse entered the room. “My, don’t we look precious? What do you need, honey?”
Kiki’s eyes grew big and bright. “Look at my present,” she said in a sweet voice as she held up her sleeper.
“That’s gorgeous.”
“May I wear it?”
The nurse shrugged. “Heck, I don’t see why not. Those look warm, and it’s Valentine’s Day. Go ahead, put them on.”
“Thank you mucho.” Once the nurse was gone, Kiki stripped out of the gown and put on the pajamas. “How do I look?”
“I liked the tighty-whiteys better.”
She placed her hands on her hips. “Shut up. Give me a serious answer.”
“Kissable.” Stewart lifted up her chin and kissed her.
“Are you hungry?” Kiki asked.
“A little bit, but I’ll bring something up from the cafeteria when the food trays come by.” A cart could be heard clattering down the hall. “That sounds like lunch now.”
Kiki smiled and placed her hand on Stewart’s wrist. “Don’t leave yet. You’re about to be in for a surprise.”
“Really now?”
When the cart came to Kiki’s room, the orderly bowed down. “Reservation for Hernandez?” he asked in a slaughtered French accent.
“Oui oui, Monsieur,” Kiki replied.
The young orderly stepped into the room and draped a white tablecloth over the small table. He placed a vase containing a single red rose in the center of the table, and he lit two candles on either side of it. He then placed two silver trays onto the table. “Have a nice meal,” he said as he turned off the lights to make the room darker.
“Merci,” Kiki replied, and the orderly took another bow before leaving.
Stewart was elated. “How did you manage all this?”
“Most of the employees in this hospital know me because I’ve been in and out of here since I was a kid. What can I say? I’ve grown on them.”
“How could you not have, lovely?”
“You flatter me,” Kiki replied. “Now eat up. This is some good food, not the nasty s**t they usually serve.”
They began to eat and chattered happily. “Come here,” Stewart said as he jumped up from his chair. “What’s that outside the window?”
“Aren’t you hyper?” she said, but she stood up and looked over Stewart’s shoulder anyway. “What’s that? A blimp? Oh, how sweet! It says ‘I love you.’” She squeezed Stewart’s shoulder.
“I love you,” he said.
“I love you Keagan Jermaine,” Kiki read. Suddenly, a wave of realization washed over her and she understood the blimp. Kiki’s jaw dropped. “Stewart Welsh, did you...?” Stewart grinned. “You did!” Kiki exclaimed. She threw her arms around him. “That must have cost you a fortune. How did you afford it?”
“I have my ways,” Stewart replied. “Let’s just say someone owed me a favor.” The year before, he had provided the owner of the blimp a new tire and had changed his flat, and the man had promised to make it up to him, and now he finally had.
Kiki made a face, but she did not dig for any more information. She plopped down onto the bed, and motioned for Stewart to lay down as well. He laid down next to her and wrapped his arms around her slim body. They stayed like that until the sun set.
A week later, Kiki was released from the hospital. Upon entering the apartment, Jack leaped onto her. “I missed you, baby!” Kiki exclaimed as the dog licked her face. “You’ve gotten so big!”
Stewart could not stop smiling. Although he had visited Kiki daily, he still had missed her terribly. Even Douglas seemed glad to see her. “It was boring as hell without you here,” Douglas told her.
“Thanks. I missed you too, because I know that’s what you’re trying to say.”
“Come here,” Stewart said. “I want to ask you something.” Kiki followed Stewart into the bedroom. He fingered her pill bottles, then turned to look at her. “I want to marry you,” he said bluntly.
Kiki took his hands in hers. “I know. So do I.”
“Then let’s move to Massachusetts. Let’s move to Massachusetts and get married.” Kiki stared at him, and Stewart got down on one knee. “Will you? Will you move across the country with me? Will you marry me?”
“I...of course I will!” Kiki replied. Stewart beamed and slid a thin diamond ring onto her finger, and Kiki marveled at its beauty. “We’ll have to talk to my mom about this, but I want to so bad.”
“Then let’s go...to your mom’s house, I mean.”
Kiki nodded and grabbed her coat. As soon as they arrived at the Hernandez house-hold and told Janice what they wished to do, Janice asked incredulously, “Move to Massachusetts? But why?”
“To get married,” Kiki answered as she spun around the room, her eyes filled with happiness.
“May I?” Stewart asked. “May I marry your son...daughter. I want to spend the rest of my life with her.”
“I’m all for you two to spend the rest of your lives together, but to get married? Can’t you two just be life partners?”
“I want to make it official. I want to take his name. I want to be able to walk down the street and say, ‘this is my hubby,’” Kiki explained. She had stopped twirling and eyed her mother intently. “Is that so much to ask?”
Janice sighed. “Well,” she began after a short silence. “I’m coming with you.”
Kiki ran up and hugged her mother. “Thank you Mommy, thank you!”
“I can’t believe you’re leaving,” Douglas said. He was hovering around the bedroom while Stewart and Kiki packed up their belongings for the move.
“You can come with us,” Stewart told him as he zipped up his suitcase. “We can all be roommates again.”
Douglas shook his head. “No, I still have a year left at SFU. I want to finish out the school year. But hey, when the day comes, call me. I wanna be at the wedding.”
“Hell yeah,” Stewart replied. “You’ll be the best man.”
Douglas grinned. “Keep in touch, man. You too, Kiki.”
Kiki looked up and nodded. She was sitting on top of her hard pink suitcase and was trying to zip it up. It was obvious that she was struggling with it, and the bag slipped backwards, causing Kiki to fall off of the bed. She peered up from the floor, and the three of them began to laugh. “Here,” Stewart held out his hand and helped her to her feet.
Kiki brushed off her orange skirt and smiled at him. Then, without warning, Stewart lunged at her and began to tickle her side. Kiki fell to the floor again, giggling, tickling back wherever she could reach. They were rolling around with laughter, and Douglas glanced around uncomfortably. “I...I’m gonna go...anywhere but here.” He left them alone, but they did not even notice that he had gone. Stewart was leaning over Kiki, and they stared at each other with adoration in their eyes. Stewart took her face in his hands and brought it close to his so that he could make out with her. “I love you,” he whispered as he came up for air. He went down and kissed her again. “Holy s**t, I love you.”
Kiki grabbed his hair. “Don’t stop,” she moaned. “Again...kiss me again.” Stewart began to strip out of his clothing, and once he was naked, he took off Kiki’s clothes as well. They did not even bother to get up from the floor. “You animal,” she groaned.
“You w***e,” he replied.
“More, more, more!” Kiki shouted. “Harder, faster, more!”
There was a knock on the door. “Shut up in there,” Douglas yelled. “I can hear you, and so can all of California!”
“Don’t stop!” she begged, but the moment had been ruined. Slowly, they both sat up. “That was good,” Kiki managed to say as she crawled into Stewart’s lap to kiss him again.
“That was great,” he replied. Then he redressed the both of them as Kiki continued to make out with him. “Let’s go,” Stewart said. They both stood up and went into the front room with Douglas, although they could not keep their hands off of each other.
|
After some difficulty at the airport, at which Kiki yelled at the security guard in French, Spanish, and English, Stewart and Kiki made it onto the airplane. Janice was going to fly out on a later date; she wanted to sell the house first. “Can you believe that those damned guards were trying to tell me to take off my wig? What the f**k? Until they put up a f*****g sign telling me to do so, I’m not going to take it off. I’ll sue, I’ll sue them for laughing at us. B*****s,” Kiki huffed.
“No you won’t.” Stewart was trying his best not to laugh. He had never seen Kiki so aggravated, and it humored him. He began massaging her shoulders and said, “Don’t let it bother you so much, baby. Besides, you definitely took care of it...in more than one language.”
“I wouldn’t be so pissed if it hadn’t been for the way he looked at you. He was mocking you, I know it. No one messes with my man.”
Stewart smiled. “You told them off though. I don’t know exactly what you said, but hey, it’s all good.”
Kiki grinned. “I did, didn’t I? Sorry about that. I guess I’m just the master of cursing.”
“You got that right, precious. Now take a seat so this thing can take off.”
Kiki obeyed, and once the plane had managed to maintain a steady altitude, a stewardess came by to take drink orders. “What can I get you, miss?” she asked Kiki. “Or sir? Miss?” The young blonde woman looked baffled, and Stewart and Kiki exchanged amused glances.
“Diet Coke,” Kiki answered when she looked back at the stewardess. “And he’ll have the same...right?” Stewart nodded and the flight attendant turned to a new passenger. Kiki and Stewart almost died from laughter. Stewart finally quieted down, and he had to pat Kiki’s back to calm her.
Once the plane landed in Boston, Massachusetts, the two of them picked up their suitcases and hauled a cab to take them to their brand new apartment. However, they did not stay long because Kiki could not sit still and she wanted to go shopping at Cambridge Side Galleria. While there, she bought a purple sweater and a plaid skirt. “Let’s dress it up!” she exclaimed, and she bought ribbons and plastic jewels. Then she brought Stewart to a table where she sewed the ribbons onto the seams and glued the gems down onto the fabric.
“Perfect,” Stewart told her, and they went into the bathroom so that she could change.
Once they left the Galleria, Kiki asked to go to the Frog Park Skating Rink. “It’s only our first day here baby, and this is our home now. We have plenty of time to do this stuff,” Stewart said, but he took her to the park anyway.
Stewart had never ice-skated before, so he glided unsteadily along while Kiki twirled around him ballerina style. “You’re gonna fall,” she teased, and when Stewart actually did drop to the ice, she giggled and helped him up.
“I can’t do this,” he whined, “And my a*s is sore as f**k.”
“Here,” Kiki replied, and she held out her hands for Stewart to grab. They slowly slid along the ice, holding hands, face to face, Kiki skating backwards. Her hands were numb from Stewart’s tight grasp, but she did not complain. Suddenly, Stewart slipped and fell, bringing Kiki down with him. They sat there staring at each other for a moment, and then Stewart leaned in to kiss her. Kiki returned his kiss with passion, and they stayed like that until whistles began to blow and a man dressed in black shouted, “Get up or get off the ice!”
Kiki pulled Stewart up, and they slowly made their way across the frozen pond, where they took off their skates and left.
Janice purchased a small house only a few blocks away from Stewart’s and Kiki’s apartment, and she made certain that she visited them weekly. Every Wednesday, Janice would eat dinner with Stewart and Kiki. Along with wedding plans, Janice also helped find things for them to do, such as visiting the New England Aquarium and the Franklin Park Zoo.
At the zoo, Janice left Kiki and Stewart behind so that she could watch a bird show. In actuality, they believed that she simply wanted to give them some alone time, and they appreciated that. Stewart sat on a bench watching Kiki, who was busy impersonating a chimpanzee. He smiled thoughtfully. In his opinion, Kiki was as close to perfect as humanly possible. She was quirky, loving, and amazing. She always put others before herself and hated to hurt people’s feelings. All of a sudden, a tap on his shoulder interrupted his thoughts. Stewart jumped before turning around to see who it was. “Is this yours?” the man who had touched him asked as he nodded towards Kiki.
“I don’t own her,” Stewart replied, “But I am with her, if that’s what you mean. Why, you got something to say?”
The man smiled. “Only that she seems to be a keeper. Look at her, cute and funny. What more can you ask for?”
“She’s great all right.” Stewart was confused and defensive. What did this man want?
“I just wish there were more of us here...gays, I mean. I tried dressing in drag once too, but I couldn’t stand people staring; it was too much. Your girl’s braver than me. I guess I need to grow some balls.”
Stewart was slightly shocked. He had not suspected the man of being gay because he was tall, muscular, and appeared to be someone that girls would swoon over. Stewart tried to picture the man in drag, but he could not do it.
“So what brings you to Boston? I have pretty good gay-dar, and I’ve never seen you around before.”
Stewart laughed. “To get married, actually.”
“Really?” the man asked with raised eyebrows. “Where did you come here from?”
“California,” Stewart told him.
“California? They don’t have same-sex marriage? I guess I kind of assumed they would since it seems all liberal out there. But we all know what assuming does.”
“Yeah. Well, California gives gay couples all the same rights as married ones, but they don’t give us the married title. I want that, and I know Kiki does.”
The man nodded towards Kiki, who was now watching them curiously. “That’s Kiki?”
“Yeah, that’s her...my fiancée.” He grinned at the sound of the word. “Oh, and I’m Stewart. It was rude of me not to introduce myself sooner.”
The man held out his hand, and Stewart shook it. “I’m Daniel...Danny.”
“Nice to meet you. Tell you what, why don’t you come to our wedding? I know we just met and all, but why not? Here’s my number.” Stewart found a pen and scribbled it onto Daniel’s hand. “Call us sometime and we’ll send you an invite.”
“Cool,” Daniel replied. “I will. See you around, then.”
“All right. See you.” Stewart walked back over to Kiki, who was tilting her head to the side. She gave him a look that seemed to ask Who was that? Stewart answered her silent question by saying, “That was some guy named Danny. He seems really nice, so I invited him to our wedding. Was that okay?”
“Of course,” Kiki said with a nod. “I don’t mind who’s invited.”
Stewart took her hand in his. “Let’s go find your mom, monkey.”
“He’s gay,” Kiki stated.
“Who?”
“Daniel.”
“How’d you know?” he asked, surprised.
Kiki squeezed Stewart’s hand and shook her head. “It was obvious, sweetie. Get some gay-dar.”
He grinned and said, “Hop on,” gesturing to his back. Kiki stared at him oddly at first, but then she climbed onto his back. They wandered off, piggy-back style, to find Janice.
“I’m going to wear a dress to the wedding,” Keagan stated as he made fish faces at the tropical sea-life while at the New England Aquarium. One of the angelfish seemed to be staring right back. “No one’s going to stop me, you know?”
“Who would?” Stewart asked as he tapped Keagan’s chin. “I figured you would wear one, anyway.”
“Good. Then let’s go shopping!” Keagan clapped his hands together enthusiastically and dragged Stewart out of the aquarium.
“Do you ever not shop?” Stewart asked, but together they made their way downtown.
“Can I help you?” a plump lady asked as soon as the bell rang when Stewart and Keagan entered the small shop. “Maybe show you a tux?”
“Actually, a dress,” Keagan replied as he walked over to a rack of gowns. “I’m not sure how formal I want it, though. Do you have anything fun?”
“Oh, it’s for you?” the woman asked, flabbergasted. After Keagan nodded, she made a gasping sound, but quickly managed to recompose herself. “Wow, okay. Let me show you a few.”
The sales-woman led them to multiple racks containing poofy dresses, short dresses, long dresses, and even old-fashioned dresses. However, Keagan’s eyes wandered away to a lone dress in the corner. “What about that one?” he asked as he pointed towards the gown.
“That one? Oh boy, that one has been standing there forever. No one seems to want it,” the lady explained.
Keagan stepped closer to it and ran his fingers along the white fabric. To him, the dress was perfect. The dress was not too long nor was it too short. It was not too fancy, yet it did not appear cheap. The dress was short-sleeved and off of the shoulders. The sleeves were pink and silky. Small pink beads covered the bodice of the dress and flower-shaped clusters made out of the beads were scattered about the bottom. It was apparent that Keagan wanted the dress and no other. “This is the one!” he exclaimed as he hugged the material tightly.
“Don’t molest it, babe. If that’s the one you want, it’s yours,” Stewart said.
Keagan gave a small chuckle as he dropped the fabric. The sales clerk pulled out a tape measurer and began to size him up. She made a few adjustments with pins, then stood back to look at him. “Well, we’ll have to tighten up the fabric up top a bit, if you know what I mean. Other than that though, it seems to be a great fit.”
“If I had my wig, lady, this would probably be much less awkward for you, I promise,” Keagan stated.
The woman laughed warmly. She had already grown used to Keagan. “No problem, dear. A customer’s a customer, and I’m here to please them no matter what. I’ll finish the fixings on the dress for you, so if you could leave me your info, I’ll call you when it’s done. I’ll give it about a week...is that okay?”
Stewart nodded and wrote down their contact information as the clerk helped Keagan out of the dress. Afterwards, the two waved goodbye and left the pudgy woman to tend to a new customer.
On April first, Kiki turned twenty-three. Stewart took her to see the Blue Man Group, a creative arts performance, because she had been wanting to see a show. When they took their seats in the theater and the production began, they watched intensely, Kiki’s expression set solemnly. She watched the movements and facial casts of the performers, trying to feel what they were feeling. She did not take her eyes off of the stage until the end, in which she stood up and applauded enthusiastically. “That was beyond excellent!” she cried out once she and Stewart were outside of the building. “Thank you so much!” She threw herself upon him and wrapped her legs around his body, pecking his cheeks gently with her lips.
“It’s your birthday. Today, you get whatever you want,” Stewart told her, and Kiki hugged him tighter. “And I’ve got another surprise for you at home.”
“Are you serious?” When Stewart nodded, Kiki shrieked with delight. “You’re too much!”
“Anything for you.”
“Then let’s go.” Kiki pointed ahead of them. “Onward! To the present!” Stewart unlocked the car, and they scrambled into the vehicle.
Before opening the apartment door, Stewart placed his hands over Kiki’s eyes. “Okay, no peeking. You’re going to love this.” He swung the door wide and dropped his hands. Kiki’s brown eyes sparkled with glee at the sight.
Jack was laying on the sofa, panting happily. Kiki ran over to him, and the mutt sprang up and licked her face. “I thought you were going to get rid of him!” she blurted out as she turned her head away from the dog’s tongue.
Stewart grinned. “I know that’s what I said, but I just couldn’t do it. Jack was a gift from the most special person ever, and I know you love him...he’s kind of growing on me too,” he confessed, “So I just left him with Doug and had him flown out here.”
“I thought I’d never see you again,” Kiki told Jack in a baby voice as she pinched his furry cheeks. Then she turned to Stewart. “You just made me the happiest person alive.”
“I try,” Stewart said. “It’s the least I can do for you, baby.”
Kiki gave him a devious smile. “Come on, lover,” she said, and she took him into the bedroom.
The spring and summer went by quickly. Most of the wedding arrangements were taken care of, so Stewart and Keagan no longer had that weight on their shoulders, and the date was set for October thirty-first. Keagan auditioned for a part in a local performance of The Wizard of Oz, and he was cast as the Scarecrow. The play received high ratings in the local paper, and Keagan became a minor celebrity. In July, Stewart turned twenty-four, and Keagan took him to the beach to celebrate.
They packed two weeks worth of clothing and took a flight to the south. On the first day of their vacation, they stopped at a surf shop to buy swimsuits. “I look incredibly awkward in this,” Keagan called out from inside the dressing room.
“Let me see,” Stewart said.
Keagan stepped out from behind the curtain and sniggered. He was wearing a blue and purple one-piece, and the outfit looked odd on him with his short hair and make-up free face. “I think this will scare the people in South Carolina.”
Stewart smiled. “Who cares, love?”
“Well, I can’t swim with my wig on. I guess I’ll stick with some shorts instead.” Keagan disappeared into the changing room once again and emerged wearing rainbow colored swim trunks. He questioned Stewart with his eyes, and Stewart nodded his approval. They stood in line at the cash register and bought their swim gear. Then they walked hand in hand on the sandy shores of Myrtle Beach collecting shells. “You know what I’ve always wanted to do?” Keagan said.
“What?”
“Do it on the beach.”
“This isn’t a nude beach, you know,” Stewart told him, but the idea sounded tempting.
“I know, but what about a private shore?”
“We don’t have one.”
“And when has something like that ever stopped me?” he asked impishly. Stewart smiled eagerly and he followed Keagan, who was on a mission to find a vacant strip of beach. Finally, Keagan’s goal was accomplished and they sneaked onto the property of a house that was for sale and deserted.
They laid down on the warm sand in the nude and made love. The sun began to go down, and Keagan glanced up. “It’s so beautiful,” he whispered.
Stewart followed his gaze and saw the different relaxing shades of dusk. He then turned back to Keagan. “You’re beautiful,” he murmured.
They sat up tediously, Keagan’s head laying against Stewart’s shoulder, and watched the evening come.
When October arrived, Stewart and Kiki went to the court-house to obtain their marriage certificate. Together, they filled out all of the paperwork and paid their fees. Kiki beamed and reached for Stewart’s hand. “Now it’s official,” he said. “Now we can legally wed.” She brought Stewart’s hands to her lips and kissed them affectionately.
“I love you Stewart,” Kiki said, “Forever and ever.”
Kiki felt sick, but only a week was left before the wedding. She had a few last minute arrangements to make, and there were a few guests from California that she had to accommodate. Kiki kept silent and did not mention her questionable well-being to anyone, and she swore to herself that she would check into the hospital as soon as the wedding was over. In the meantime, she was supposed to be going to the cafe next door to meet up with Stewart, Daniel, and Douglas. They were already there, and if she did not hurry down, they would come up to retrieve her.
Kiki stumbled down the stairs of the apartment, and her head felt thick with congestion. She shook her head to clear it, took a deep breath, and entered the cafe with a big smile. “Hello boys!” she called out once she saw them.
Stewart pulled out a chair for her. “Hey beautiful, what took you so long? I was getting worried.”
She did not have to answer him because Daniel said, “Look at the girl Stew, she’s gorgeous. I bet she was up there primping to make herself look extra great.”
“If that’s possible,” Douglas added. “She already looks perfect.”
Kiki blushed from the compliments, but bowed her head dramatically. “Thank you, thank you. I do my best. It’s hard to look this good.”
Stewart laughed, but his laid-back manner was quickly replaced with concern. “Kiki baby, you look kind of pale. Do you feel all right?” He lifted his hand to her forehead, but she pulled back because she did not want him to know that she was ill.
“I’m fine,” she told him, and seeing that he looked hurt, she patted his hand and smiled. “Don’t worry about me, love. I’m just stressing over the wedding. I can’t wait until I can say ‘I do,’ but I’m nervous as hell.”
Stewart grinned and nodded in agreement. “Yeah, me too. The butterflies are flapping around like crazy.”
They leaned in to kiss each other, and their two friends whistled and made catcalls, which resulted in Daniel and Douglas being hit in the face with bits of pastries. Stewart and Kiki giggled and hid the food behind their backs. “What?” she asked innocently when her friends glared at her. “What did I do?”
They rolled their eyes, and Kiki and Stewart threw more food.
“We’re going to be married in three hours!” Stewart sang as he danced around the apartment.
Kiki raised her eyebrows; she was usually the one prancing around the room. This behavior was not typical of Stewart, so he was obviously ecstatic. “I know, lover. I can hardly wait, but I have to pick up a few things. I’ll see you at the church?”
Stewart nodded. “And then we’ll be man and wife...man and husband...man and man? Whatever, we’ll be married.”
Kiki laughed at his bafflement, kissed him goodbye, and made her way outside. She still had to pick up her veil and her flowers, but she decided to stop into the cafe for a snack because her stomach hurt. Although hunger was not the cause of her discomfort, she thought that food could possibly help the pain a little bit. Kiki slowly walked across the street to the ATM machine. She felt horribly weak, and it hurt to breathe. Her chest ached, her head felt heavy, and she was extremely nauseous. Just a few more hours, she thought to herself, and I’ll go to the hospital to fix this. But Kiki did not know if she could wait that long. She was coughing so hard that she thought that she would cough up her lungs. Kiki’s world was spinning around her, and she could not steady herself. Her ailment overcame her, and she stumbled into a low clearing near the ATM, where she laid unconscious.
The bridal music played, and Stewart looked up, expecting to see his bride, but she was nowhere to be seen. Not a single soul was walking down the aisle. The guests glanced at each other with confused faces, and Stewart’s stomach constricted. Some of the people in the chapel muttered amongst one another, and after about fifteen minutes, people grew restless. Douglas nudged Stewart and asked, “Dude, where’s Kiki?”
“If I knew where she was, don’t you think I’d say something?” Stewart snapped. His voice was high and his body was shaking slightly.
Daniel appeared beside him and patted his back brotherly. “It’s okay, man. Try calling her. Maybe she’s in the apartment or something. Does she have a cell?”
Stewart shook his head, and Daniel handed him his flip phone. “I...I’ll call home.” He did, but the phone rang continuously. Stewart called a few more times and received the same result. “She...she’s not there...or she’s not picking up,” he said to his friends.
The reverend made a deep coughing sound, and Stewart shrugged his shoulders at the man. Janice, taking action, walked up to the front of the church and said, “As you all have probably noticed, Kiki is not here yet. I’m sorry for the inconvenience, and I’m sure you all have other things to do, so I will contact you, and we can all gather again at a later time.”
The guests nodded and began to gather up their belongings. As they gradually filed out of the church, Janice whispered something to the reverend, at which he nodded, and Stewart took a seat in a now empty pew. Douglas and Daniel sat down beside him. “Cheer up,” Daniel said.
“How can I? My fiancée just stood me up, got cold feet, decided that this was a huge mistake.”
Douglas shook his head fervently. “You don’t know that. Maybe something came up.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know. Maybe she got lost or fell asleep or something. Whatever it is, there’s got to be a reason. Kiki wouldn’t just not show up. She’s crazy about you.”
Stewart longed to be convinced, but it was not working. “Yeah, I guess so,” he mumbled.
“It’s Halloween night. Do you wanna go out or something...get your mind off of this?” Daniel asked. Stewart declined the offer. “Well, you can’t just sit here all night.”
“Yes, I can.”
Daniel frowned. “Hang in there, and call us if you need anything.”
“And go home, Stew. For all you know, Kiki’s asleep on the couch and missed the wedding by accident. You won’t know until you check.”
“Yeah, okay,” Stewart said in a monotone, and he stared in front of him until he could no longer hear the echo of his friends’ shoes. Question after question swarmed in Stewart’s mind, but he did not have any answers. Did something happen to her? Why did she not show up? He contemplated on these thoughts until he could barely keep his eyes open. Stewart finally stood up, left the church, and went home. Every single motion was forced, and he felt as if he were in a body other than his own.
When he entered his apartment, the first word out of his mouth was the desperate cry of “Kiki?” Stewart received no response, so he searched every room frantically. Still, there was no sign of her.
Stewart ran to the phone and called Douglas. “She’s not here!” he cried out hysterically.
“What?” Douglas asked loudly over the blaring background music.
“She’s not here!” Stewart repeated. “Kiki’s not at home!”
“We’re coming over right now,” Douglas said, and he hung up the phone.
Stewart paced the room until it seemed as if he would burn a whole into the floor. After a half an hour, there was a solid knock on the door. Jack began to bark wildly, and Stewart bombarded his friends with questions as soon as he opened the door. “Where is she? Did she run away? Fly back to California? Get lost or hurt or-?”
Daniel cut him off. “Calm down, breathe.” He directed Stewart to the sofa and sat him down.
Douglas took him by the shoulders. “Settle down. It’s past midnight. You have a good night’s sleep, and we’ll look for her first thing tomorrow. We’ll search until we find her even if it takes us weeks.”
“Weeks?” Stewart asked in fear.
“I won’t let it take that long,” Douglas said quickly. “We’ll find Kiki right away...first thing, all right? Now go to sleep.”
“I...I don’t wanna be alone,” Stewart said in a small voice.
“We won’t leave you then,” Daniel told him. “We’ll stay the night, have a nice cup of coffee in the morning, then search like crazy. Okay?”
“Okay.” Stewart was slightly comforted by this, and he managed to fall into a restless, dreamless sleep.
As soon as the sunlight flickered through the curtains, Stewart woke up and shook his friends awake. They sat up and rubbed the sleep from their eyes. “What time is it?” Douglas yawned.
“Time to find Kiki. Now get up and get ready...please?” Stewart pleaded.
They stood up, got dressed, and walked next door for coffee, which Daniel said was the only way that he could function during the day. Stewart slowly stirred the contents within the dark mug. Their faces were creased with worried lines, and they were thinking of all the possible places that Kiki could be. All of a sudden, a little girl ran into the cafe and interrupted their thoughts. “There’s a dead lady outside!” she screamed.
People looked at the young girl. Some of them appeared frightened, others amused. Some did not look at all and simply continued about their business. Stewart and his friends exchanged glances. The same thought ran through each of their minds: Perhaps the lady the child spoke of was Kiki. They ran over to the little girl, and Stewart shook her. “Where exactly is she?”
The child, wide-eyed, pointed across the street. “Over there, you can’t miss her. I was jumping rope and I-.”
They did not stay to listen to the girl’s story. Stewart ran across the street, barely dodging a car, and his friends followed. Stewart thought that his heart would stop; he found Kiki. She was sprawled out in the crisp field, her wig off-center, and her face pallid. Stewart dropped down to his knees, fixed her hair, and checked for breathing. He felt her soft, ragged breath against his hand. He saw her chest rise and fall, just barely, and knew that she was alive.
“Call 9-1-1!” Stewart screamed. Daniel pulled out his cell-phone and made the phone call. Stewart turned to Douglas. “Get Kiki some warm clothes!” Douglas darted across the street to the apartment. Stewart lifted Kiki into an upright position and pulled her close to his chest. He stroked her head and whispered into her ear, “Hold on baby, hold on. Hang in there. Don’t leave me. Stay right here. I need you baby, I need you so bad.” Tears were streaming down his face and falling onto Kiki’s cheeks. “Oh God Kiki, don’t do this to me,” he cried.
For a short moment, her eyes opened and Stewart could see the desperation deep within her soul. It seemed as if she was trying to tell him something vital. He thought that she would beg him to help her, and he urged her to speak. Instead, Kiki uttered three small, yet powerful, words. “I...love...you,” she managed to say. It had been so important for her to say that to him, and Stewart felt his breath catch in his throat.
“Oh God...I love you too, Kiki. I love you.” He took her face in his unsteady hands and kissed her. He could feel her kiss him back, although it was weak. Her breathing was uneven, and she closed her eyes again and fell limply against his chest, yet she gripped her arms around him firmly. Stewart wiped his eyes and stroked her cheek lovingly. “Kiki,” he whispered. “Oh God.”
“Here,” Douglas said in a quiet voice as he handed Stewart Kiki’s clothes. Stewart took them from his friend and gently rid Kiki of her damp, short-sleeved shirt. Her chest was freezing cold, and Stewart recoiled slightly from apprehension, but he brought himself to dress her in the long-sleeved one. Then he stripped her of the plastic skirt and put on the pair of jeans Douglas had brought down. Stewart bundled her up in the thick wool blanket and held her tighter. He could feel her nails digging into his skin, but he did not mind the pain. It seemed as if by holding onto him, she was also holding onto life. He was afraid to let her go in fear of losing her. He felt as if they both grasped each other tightly enough, it would be impossible for her to leave him.
A siren could be heard in the distance, and Stewart’s body tensed. He looked up, waiting for the ambulance to reach them. It seemed as if time slowed down at that moment. It seemed as if hours had past before the ambulance arrived, but it could not have been more than a few seconds. Finally, the vehicle pulled to the side of the road and paramedics clambered out. Kiki was lifted onto a stretcher and placed into the back of the ambulance. Stewart climbed in behind her. He clutched her hand and kissed it repeatedly, all the while staring at her seemingly lifeless body, as the ambulance drove towards the hospital.
Stewart stood against the far back wall of the waiting room. He had been pacing the floor, but this had made Kiki’s mother anxious, so he forced himself to stop. He looked over at Janice with weary eyes. Her face was set gravely, and she was staring straight ahead. Stewart could not help but wonder what the woman was thinking. He recalled the first time he had gone to the hospital for Kiki. Although he had been panicked then, that fear did not even come close to what he was feeling now.
The large door opened, and Stewart looked up. The expression on the doctor’s face worried him. “I’m sorry,” the man said, and Janice grabbed his hands. She was sobbing and whispering the word no over and over again. Suddenly, the room felt entirely too small. Stewart ran out of the hospital and into the cold air. He stopped running and threw his arms skyward. He screamed Kiki’s name for the whole world to hear, then dropped to the sidewalk and wailed in agony.
“I remember when I first met Kiki. It was Saint Patrick’s Day, and Stewart had invited me to go to the bar with them to celebrate. She was dressed in all green, from her dress to her wig. She even wore a cloverleaf headband. Anyway, she was trying to convince everyone in the bar that she herself was Saint Patrick.” Daniel paused and laughed weakly. “But then this drunken jerk came up to her, held his beer over her head, and poured it out. ‘Sorry, my bad,’ he said with a stupid grin. If I were her, I would have punched the guy out. But all Kiki did was look over at the bartender and say, ‘This guy needs a new drink...on me.’ That’s how Kiki was...she never got mad, unless her loved ones were being messed with. She was nice to everyone, no matter what.” He offered a sorrowful smile before sitting down in the pew.
Douglas walked up to the front of the church in place of Daniel. “Okay,” he said. “I gotta admit, I used to be jealous of Kiki, and I didn’t like her. But this was before I even knew her. When I first met Kiki, my hate died immediately. Yeah, I was still kind of jealous, but Kiki was just so nice and friendly. She made me feel as if she’d known me all her life, as if we went way back. I couldn’t help but like her. She was the funniest, nicest person I had ever met. I...I’m really gonna miss her.” He wiped a tear from his eye and sat down next to Stewart. “You going up there?” he asked in an undertone.
Stewart sat there for a moment, and then slowly stood up. He looked at the small crowd and at their grief-stricken faces. “I...” he stuttered. Stewart could barely form any words. He touched Kiki’s casket, and a sudden, intense wave of sadness overwhelmed him. He could not believe she was gone. The devastating truth that Kiki was gone still had not fully registered even as he stood in front of her coffin. He felt a knot form in his throat. “I...I can’t do this,” he stammered, then he ran away from the church and stood outside under the clear morning sky. Stewart found it very difficult to catch his breath, which was coming in short gasps. A few minutes later, the big wooden doors opened, and mourners dressed in black scattered around.
Daniel and Douglas came over to him, and Douglas placed his hand on Stewart’s shoulder. Stewart pulled away. “Don’t touch me...please. I...can’t believe...”
Douglas dropped his hand. “Yeah, me either. It seems like just yesterday...”
Stewart turned to face the church. “We were supposed to get married here, but instead this is where we held her funeral.”
“Stewart-,” Daniel started.
“Please, don’t. I don’t want...”
Daniel nodded. “All right. Let’s go.” He gingerly put his arm over Stewart’s shoulder and walked with him to the car that would take them to the cemetery.
At the graveyard, Stewart kissed two of his fingers and touched Kiki’s casket. This was his last kiss to Kiki, the final kiss that they would share. The tears welled in his eyes, and he gently placed his red rose on top of the mahogany coffin. He stood there for a moment in silence, staring at the casket, afraid to leave his love behind.
He felt a soft tap on his shoulder, and he whipped around only to find Kiki’s mother. “So,” she said.
“So,” Stewart repeated, not knowing what else to say.
Janice gazed at her child’s coffin, and Stewart turned his head to follow her gaze. “You know, even though I knew Keagan’s future had been indecisive, I still never thought that I would have to bury him.”
“I’m sorry,” Stewart said, but then he realized that he must have sounded rather lame. Was sorry all that he could give her? “I mean...I-.”
“I understand. I...I used to pray that I’d die before him. I know it’s morbid for me to have done that, but I couldn’t help it. I know that Keagan’s life-expectancy wasn’t very high, but I still made myself believe that he’d grow old and gray. I guess I was wrong.”
Stewart could not take his eyes off of the casket. Suddenly, however, Janice threw her arms around him. Stewart patted her back uncomfortably, but then his emotions took over and he squeezed her tightly. They stood there in the middle of the cemetery crying, understanding each other’s feelings and pains, without noticing the people carrying one around them.
“I can’t stay here,” Stewart said.
“What?” Douglas asked as he looked towards the door. “Then let’s go out.”
Stewart shook his head. “No, I can’t stay here in Boston. I gotta come home with
you. That is, if you’d still let me be your roommate.”
“Of course, Stew. You always have a place with me.”
A week later, Stewart and Douglas left for California. Janice was not coming back with them; she had said that there was no point leaving since she had already sold her house and their was no one there to go back to. Daniel had offered Stewart a place to stay if he ever found himself back in Massachusetts, and he begged Stewart to give him a phone call every once in a while.
Now, sitting in his bedroom of the eerily quiet apartment, he felt more alone than ever before. He did not know how he had managed to survive before he had met Kiki because now that she was gone, he was barely holding onto life. He felt dead without her. His desire to live faltered because he missed Kiki too much. The hole in his heart was too large, and he could hardly wait until the day he would die because then he could be with her again. The familiarity of the apartment pained him. Out of the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of a metallic object. He looked towards the corner of the room and saw Kiki’s oxygen tank. Slowly, he stood up and touched the machine. He remembered the time when he had to put the mask over Kiki’s mouth and nose to get her breathing steadily. He looked at the rumpled sheets on the bed and recalled the times in which she had jumped on it with a broad smile despite the complaints from the neighbors that lived on the floor below. He walked over to the dresser, where a row of Kiki’s medicines still stood in a row. The apartment did not seem right without her. Kiki used to have a sparkle about her that had brought life to Stewart, and with her gone, his life was dark and dreary.
“Mail’s here!” Douglas called out. Stewart heard the door slam shut, and he entered the front room. “Something for you.”
“Who from?” Stewart asked.
Douglas looked at the white envelope, and his expression changed. “I’m not sure. Someone in Massachusetts,” he finally said.
Stewart took the envelope from his friend and eased himself onto the couch. He gingerly opened the letter and pulled out its contents, which was another smaller envelope and a note. He set the second envelope aside and unfolded the stationery paper. It was from Janice.
Dear Stewart,
Thank you so much for being there for me after Keagan Jermaine passed away. I know you miss him terribly, and I know you had made him extremely happy. The reason I am writing you, however, is because I was going through Keagan’s belongings and I came across a letter with your name on it, which you have probably noticed I have enclosed. I did not open this letter, but I assume it is from my son. As it was intended for you, I thought that I ought to send it to you so that you could have it. Take care of yourself Stewart, and always remember that you are in my thoughts.
Always,
Janice Degas-Hernandez
Stewart picked up the letter from Kiki and examined the neat, curvy cursive that created his name. He did not know if he was ready for this, but he tore the letter open anyway and read his lover’s note.
Stewart,
Let me get straight to the point: I’m dead. I know this sounds horribly depressing, but it’s true. Perhaps I got attacked by a gang of killer monkeys, or maybe a piano fell on top of me, but we both know the more likely cause. The CF took my life. I wrote this letter to you as soon as we decided to move and get married, so don’t think I was planning to die or anything, because I wasn’t. I loved life, and I’m glad I was able to live as long as I did, and I was glad that I was able to spend it with you. I just didn’t want to leave you without saying goodbye. I didn’t want to leave you without letting you know how much I cared about you. I was so happy with you, Stewart. I loved you more than anything, even more than life itself, and I always will, because what we had was stronger than the deepest passion. I’ll miss the way you called me baby. I’ll miss your kisses and your touch and all the fun times we shared. I’m sorry to have left you behind, but we both knew that it couldn’t last forever, no matter how badly we wanted it to. We’ll be together again though, one of these days. I love you, now and forever. Take care of yourself, and take care of Jack too. After all, he truly was your dog. And remember that I’m always going to be with you because we had so much love to go by. What we had was true and so special. I’ll cover you, even now that I’m gone. Remember that, lover. I’ll miss you.
I love you,
Kiki
Tears sprang to Stewart’s eyes, and he did not even bother to stop them. He reached for the double picture frame that stood on the side table and placed it on his lap. On one side of the frame, Kiki’s head was tilted back with laughter, her smile was big, and her eyes were closed. On the opposite side, there was a picture of Keagan. It was a professionally done photo, in which his eyes sparkled with mischief and he wore a small, impish grin on his face. Stewart traced the outlines if both pictures with his finger before turning to Douglas, who was giving him a look full of concern. Stewart smiled for the first time since he had lost Kiki. “I’m going to be okay,” he said. “Everything’s going to be fine now.”
Douglas took a deep sigh of relief and trapped Stewart in a bear hug. For a split second, Stewart thought he saw Kiki grinning at him from the corner of the room. Stewart gave her a little wave, and then she was gone. Stewart smiled again. He knew that Kiki would always be with him, and he knew that he would see her again. After all, she was always going to be with him because they had so much love to go by. They were in love, and they would be forever. Not even death could tear them apart.
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